Real men do not read Twilight.
That’s what high school kid Charley Brewster (Anton Yelchin) tells his nerdy, vampire-obsessed friend Evil Ed (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) in the 2011 update of the campy horror classic Fright Night. What he’s really saying is clear: this is not going to be one of those romantic vampire movies where some pale, skinny guy messes around with a pretty young promise-ring type but refrains from sticking it in her (his tooth, that is).
And Charley’s right. The vampire in this movie (a bloodlicker named Jerry, played by real-life nighthawk Colin Farrell) is not a moral guy. Living on the outskirts of Las Vegas, he’s a stripper-torturing, teenage-girl-perverting, Real Housewives of New Jersey-watching fang-banger who preys on single moms and brags to the cops that he’s making the local women scream every night. (Read EW’s excellent defense of Jerry’s horrible, disgusting mercilessness here.)
So what’s that bad boy doing in such a conservative movie? After the jump, we’ll discuss why this sexier, bloodier update is actually far more old-fashioned than the 1985 original. WARNING: There are tons of major spoilers below. Plus, “Edward Cullen” and “chastity belt” are used very close together. Read at your own risk.