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Tag: Total Trash (1-10 of 79)

'#RichKids of Beverly Hills': 45 context-free Dorothy and Morgan quotes that explain this entire show

On Jan. 19, E! premiered its newest guilty pleasure #RichKids of Beverly Hills, which will immediately be either your favorite new TV show or the most obnoxious program you’ve ever seen. I’m personally a fan of horrible people doing fabulous things (or fabulous people doing horrible things, which is pretty much the same thing anyway), so I’m reluctantly on board for this trashy romp through the luxurious world of Beverly Hills twentysomethings.

While the show purports to follow a cast of spoiled brats, the #RichKids at its core are Dorothy and Morgan, two high-living do-nothings who are alarmingly self-aware in their preposterousness. The duo rivals Snooki and JWOWW when it comes to sheer soundbite power, even if some of their more ridiculous quotes are made-for-TV transparent.

You don’t really need to know what’s going on in the series — or Jan. 19’s blood drive-themed episode OR Jan. 20’s mansion hunting episode, for that matter — to understand what these girls are like. Below, read 45 context-free quotes from our introduction to Dorothy and Morgan. If you’re not mortified, the second episode in the two-night premiere airs at 10 p.m. ET (and trust me, it’s just as absurd). READ FULL STORY

'Lana Del Rey's Hunger Games': Amazing. -- VIDEO

Does this image just piss you off so much??? (I felt dirty making it, but the “crowd reacting to subject in horror” motif just worked so well.) Then maybe you don’t want to watch a double parody of The Hunger Games and Lana Del Rey’s “Video Games” as performed by Second City comedian Holly Laurent. But you should anyway, because it’s hilarious. READ FULL STORY

Lunchtime Poll: Would any of you blockheads buy Charlie Brown's sad little Christmas tree?

For our final Lunchtime Poll before the holiday weekend, I thought we’d check in with Charlie Brown — the only person Linus knows who can take a wonderful season like Christmas and turn it into a problem. “Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you’re the Charlie Browniest.”

In A Charlie Brown Christmas, after Lucy tasked him with getting the biggest aluminum Christmas tree he could find for the kids’ play, Charlie Brown instead picked a funny-looking hidden gem that was just like him: barely viable in a sea of brightly colored commercialism, sprouting just a few tufts of foliage in random directions, and in desperate need of a little love.

“Gee, do they still make wooden Christmas trees?” wondered Linus. “It doesn’t seem to fit the modern spirit.”

I’m sitting three inches away from my parents’ glorious so-fake-it’s-real Christmas tree right now and must admit I find it very alluring. (DANCMSTR Dee and Barnacle Bill have always understood the importance of maintaining a modern spirit.) But I think I would buy a sad little Charlie Brown tree for my own sad little apartment. I’d call it a “statement piece” and decorate it with lightweight tinsel fringe, a single strand of sequined caramel corn, and a gem-encrusted Dancing With the Stars bangle to support the “trunk” like Linus adorably did with his blanket.

“Everything Annie touches turns into a disaster,” my regretful visitors would say, and I’d nod solemnly and then press play on Dragonette’s modern-day Charlie Brown anthem on my iTunes. They may be right, but those commercial dogs are not going to ruin my Christmas.

Vote below! READ FULL STORY

NASCAR's Kurt Busch apologizes for eviscerating ESPN race reporter

NASCAR driver Kurt Busch lived up to his last name on Sunday, unloading on Dr. Jerry Punch when the veteran ESPN race reporter attempted to ask him a question after his car limped into the garage during the season-ending Ford 400 in Miami. “Can you get this motherf—– out of my face,” Busch said after Punch tried to ask him what the automotive problem was. When Busch continued his expletives, Punch finally walked away.

Yesterday, Busch and his Penske Racing team officially apologized. “Unfortunately, our result in the season-ending race at Homestead on Sunday was not what we had hoped for as a team,” said Busch, who started the race fourth but finished 34th. “In my frustration with the loss of my transmission early in the race, I let my emotions get the better of me. I regret having done this and apologize to the sponsors of Penske Racing, to NASCAR, its fans, to the media and in particular, Dr. Jerry Punch.”

Watch the foul-mouthed exchange below:

READ FULL STORY

Adam Sandler's 'Jack and Jill' is terrible/possibly genius

Jack-and-Jill

I was expecting the worst heading into the theaters to see Adam Sandler’s latest comedy, Jack and Jill. With its half-baked cross-dressing premise and trailer that seemed like an outtake from the opening of Tropic Thunder, Jack and Jill appeared to be a big-screen assault on all moviegoers’ senses, a film that would even drive a Happy Gilmore-era Sandler to clock his future self right in the kisser. In fact, stepping into my 7:30 p.m. screening, I wasn’t counting out the possibility that Jack and Jill was a giant prank, that the theater lights would go down and a screen would show up laughing at moviegoers, “You actually thought this movie existed?!”

But Jack and Jill actually does exist. And, as I sat watching the 90-minute film, I realized Jack and Jill wasn’t bad. It was terrible. READ FULL STORY

'Abduction': Hilariously bad movie makes for fun moviegoing experience. It's the new 'Swimfan'!

There’s so much about Abduction, the new Taylor Lautner thriller, that’s appalling, fascinating, and unintentionally hilarious. Abduction is a pretty bad movie, but after my showing — set in a theater about half full (I’m being optimistic!) — pretty much everyone left in a good mood. In fact, I’d even recommend the film to most of my friends. It was bad in such a blatant way that it didn’t feel insulting, and it certainly wasn’t boring. After half an hour, I stopped paying close attention the plot, because it made no sense whatsoever and was riddled with holes, but the many jaw-droppingly awkward moments drew delighted ridicule from the audience. For all the wrong reasons, Abduction is sparkling entertainment. I’ll throw up a SPOILER ALERT here, but honestly, it doesn’t matter if I give anything away any major twists — you’ll be surprised by plenty regardless. READ FULL STORY

Your PSA of the day, brought to you by Hitler

I’ve been looking for an excuse to drive recklessly ever since I moved to L.A., and thanks to the Upright Citizens Brigade’s Midnight Show, I now have one. It may be…the most laughably bad Hitler impersonator the Internet has ever seen.

(This clip comes courtesy of Damon Lindelof, who tweeted “Best payoff for a PSA ever. EVER.”) READ FULL STORY

Could the REAL Gumby have robbed a 7-Eleven? (POLL)

Some weirdo in a Gumby costume tried to rob a 7-Eleven in San Diego. What a world, huh? After the jump, you can watch the video of him failing miserably and even donating 27 cents to the scene of this crime against everyone’s childhood after fumbling (presumably for a weapon).

I wonder if it makes me a terrible person that the things I’m most disappointed about are the complete absence of a Pokey suit for Gumby’s sidekick and the way Gumby’s costume is just split wide open in the back, hospital gown-style. Get it together, G. Commit to the costume or commit to the crime. Even the real Gumby wouldn’t have half-assed this so badly. READ FULL STORY

Don't go outside! Sit here and name the saddest part of this frame from NBC's 'It's Worth What?'

I finally set up DirecTV in my new apartment last night, and within just a few seconds of flipping through network television’s 9 p.m. Tuesday lineup was able to achieve a stunning sense of overwhelming dread, horror, and hopelessness. Hooray!

Here’s the Saddest Thing I saw on Summer TV Last Night:

Three sad women posed onstage as Madonna, Paris Hilton, and Scarlett Johansson (though my first guesses were a deranged doll, a chronic nose-picker, and a Debbie Downer who’s unsatisfied with her recent shopping spree at The Limited). The show: It’s Worth What? on NBC.  It doesn’t really matter why this tragic arrangement of humanity occurred; suffice it to say that the whole point of It’s Worth What? on NBC seems to be that host Cedric the Entertainer gets to say “It’s worth WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?” before commercials.

It’s scary in there, you guys.

If you see other Things That Make You Die Inside on summer TV and want to make others share your pain, leave ‘em in the comments or send ‘em to me @EWAnnieBarrett on Twitter. It’ll be like the opposite of my hidden gems initiative, just for summer. Pellets of misery? Oh, I love it! Include an exact timestamp so I don’t have to watch the whole show. Do my job for me!

So what’s the saddest part of this frame? I say “DOG FOOD CAN” placard. You?

Annie on Twitter

Why, Rob Lowe? Why?!

Oh no! Rob Lowe is totally going through with playing accused wife-killer Drew Peterson in an upcoming Lifetime thriller, and look at what they’ve done to him! The Parks and Rec star lit-ruh-lly looks like a cross between Sam Elliott and my dad. I mean, I love my dad. I might love Rob Lowe even more. But our overall analysis of People.com‘s exclusive photo of “Drew” from Untouchable? EWWWWWW.com. Plus, the 47-year-old (or 42 on TV, much to Chris Traeger’s dismay) is not quite pulling off age 57. Good for him?

You guys. What if Rob Lowe WAS YOUR DAD? Stew on that for the weekend.

Read more:
Rob Lowe to play Drew Peterson in Lifetime movie. Can this work?

Annie on Twitter

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