Female Force: Angelina Jolie is a biographical comic book about the famous actress — but you wouldn’t know that from the cover (see left). No, based on the cover (and not on reality), this is a brave piece of muckraking journalism which offers the looniest conspiracy theory this side of everything Oliver Stone has said in the last decade: Apparently, the being we know as “Angelina Jolie” is actually three extraordinarily attractive triplets. On the far left is Teasingly Charming Angelina, star of Pushing Tin and The Good Shepherd. In the middle is Gorgeously Brutal Angelina, star of action-stravaganzas like Salt and Wanted. On the right is Thoughtful Charity Angelina, crusader for truth and and global justice. (You can tell she’s thoughtful, because she’s staring at something in the distance. Also: cufflinks!) Coming soon from the same people: Female Force: Ayn Rand, in which (based on the cover) we learn that the author of Atlas Shrugged has ascended to a higher plane and is now a giant floating head staring at the earth, and also the sun has been replaced by a giant glowing Communist flag. Topical!
Tag: This Would Never Fly In Sweden (81-90 of 95)
Angelina Jolie comic book seems to suggest that Angelina is actually three people
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'Jersey Shore': Italy is surprisingly not excited about impending arrival of young, drunk Americans
Image Credit: MTV Jersey Shore
Randy Quaid explains his 'Star Whackers' theory in song form
Given all the big-name celebrity meltdowns lately, you’d be forgiven if you’ve already forgotten the strange saga of Randy and Evi Quaid, who dodged various criminal accusations before escaping to Canada, where they claimed in a strange interview with Good Morning America that they were fleeing from a conspiracy of “star whackers” who killed celebrities or maybe just embarrassed celebrities or something something the Mafia! Since the married couple seemed legitimately unhinged, it was difficult to find any humor in the situation. But now Randy Quaid has debuted his new song, “Star Whackers,” with his band Randy Quaid and the Fugitives. Based on his performance at Vancouver’s Commodore Ballroom, “Star Whackers” sounds a little bit like the prose-poetry of Jim Morrison crossed with the lounge singing of Tony Clifton: Quaid makes repeated reference to “Those sleazy Star Whackers … they’ll sell your vital organs on eBay.” Start the theories now: Is that non-sequitur towel serving the same purpose as Linus’ security blanket? Also, is this funny or sad? Check out the video after the jump and decide for yourself… READ FULL STORY »
Snooki will fight at Wrestlemania, because if you believe in yourself, anything is possible
Image Credit: WWE
Vince McMahon’s World Wrestling Federation was an immensely popular reality TV enterprise before people knew what “reality TV” was. Now, reality television is everywhere. Ergo, Vince McMahon invented the 21st century. So there is something poetic in the news that Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, reality star of the waking national nightmare that is Jersey Shore, will take part in a six-way duel at WrestleMania XXVII on April 3. I believe this will make Snooki the first best-selling novelist to step into the ring. (Yes, Mankind was a bestselling author, but he was a memoirist. Totes diff.) Snooki’s journey to WrestleMania began at this week’s WWE Monday Night Raw. She was only slated to guest-host, but that naturally led to some guest-taunting, and finally a good old-fashioned guest-scuffle. Check out video of the fight after the jump... READ FULL STORY »
Do Richard Hatch's sad blue eyes humanize him?
I hate myself for MANY reasons; feeling sorry for a mean bully because of his eyes just happens to be today’s greatest. Here’s Survivor villain and ex-con Richard Hatch, who shoved David Cassidy literally off the show on last night’s premiere of The Celebrity Apprentice. The CW’s Katie Cassidy (David’s daughter — who knew?!), showed up at the pizzeria and everything. How awful. This would never fly at Melrose Place, on Gossip Girl, or in Sweden.
The sad eye phenomenon has always bugged me about Richard. He is so vile and yet his eyes are so sad and so light blue that they almost seem… considerate? Like if you just gave his eyes a hug, maybe — maybe! — he would stop being awful. But I don’t want to hug him either. I hate this. I just wish he didn’t have these eyes.
Does Richard Hatch practice his sad eyes in the mirror? If you had no idea who this man was, would you consider smiling at him? Maybe just a smirk? I don’t know. This will definitely be my most insane post of the week.
Read more:
Dalton Ross recaps the season premiere of ‘The Celebrity Apprentice’
Annie on Twitter: @EWAnnieBarrett
'America's Next Great Restaurant' premiere: Perfect Mediocrity
Image Credit: Byron Cohen/NBCThe key to understanding America’s Next Great Restaurant is to realize that the title is an outright lie. The purpose of NBC’s new reality show isn’t to create a “great” restaurant — it’s to create a solid concept for a chain of restaurants, an idea that can be franchised up and repackaged throughout the country. Not for nothing does the show feature Steve Ells, the founder and CEO of Chipotle, as one of the main mentor/judge figures. Now, I love Chipotle. There’s one right down the street from my apartment, and I go there so often that the evening shift and the noon shift know my usual. From a capitalist perspective, I admire Chipotle’s simplicity. From a taste perspective, I love their burritos. It’s functional-plus: Relatively cheap food that’s relatively good for me and tastes relatively good while only requiring me to wait a relatively short time. But I would never call Chipotle “great.” READ FULL STORY »
Charlie Sheen's Twitter account sets Guinness World Record
Image Credit: Mike Austin/NBCWe all knew that Charlie Sheen was going to set a world record for something. Now we have confirmation: According to Mashable, Sheen’s Twitter account has achieved a Guinness World Record in “Fastest Time to Reach 1 Million Followers.” (EW attempted to confirm this record with Twitter, but Twitter indicated that they do not keep track of that information.) If you are troubled by the fact that over one million of your fellow human beings have debased themselves by following the errant musings of an unhinged celebrity, just remember that we live in a nation of strangers, and also keep in mind that Sheen already held a Guinness world record: “Highest Paid TV Actor Per Episode — Current.” In light of recent events, they may want to think about removing that last word.
Read More From EW:
19 Public Celebrity Meltdowns
Charlie Sheen on Twitter: Why I can’t stop reading
Lunchtime Poll: Charlie Sheen’s Greatest Win?
Charlie, The Sheen Is Gone: No amount of rehab — drug, image, or otherwise — can repair his reputation
Charlie Sheen on Twitter: Why I can't stop reading
I am senselessly fascinated by Charlie Sheen’s Twitter account. I know it’s bad — bad for me, bad for society, bad for the human race. And I pride myself on having somewhat good taste. In my spare time, I enjoy reading the first 100 pages of presidential biographies, and listening to classical music while falling asleep, and adding foreign films to my Netflix queue with every intention to watch them eventually. Also, not to make any moral judgements, but Sheen himself seems like a magnificent douche rocket. And yet I cannot turn away. I’m not the only one: On the heels of Sheen’s mega-rated 20/20 interview, the actor has already accumulated just over 1,001,000 followers as of the writing of this sentence. What are we reading, exactly, my brothers and sisters in the Sheen Twitter cult? READ FULL STORY »
Charlie Sheen's Twitter account just got 30,000 followers in the time it took me to write this post
Prepare yourself: When that little Twitter egg hatches, the odyssey that refuses to quit calling itself Charlie Sheen will be reborn, and holy hell will rain throughout the Twittersphere.
UPDATE: Sheen has sent out his first tweet. READ FULL STORY »
Charlie Sheen's worldview brought to visual life
Image Credit: Jef Castro
All day, I’d been having trouble visualizing Charlie Sheen’s unique interpretation of reality, in which he is a “Vatican assassin warlock” with fire-breathing fists, standing in an octagon and preparing to fight against some kind of maggot/earthworm/clown hybrid that would not be able to handle his power and truth. I need pictures, people, else I cannot see! Luckily, EW.com’s very own imaging wizard assassin was on hand to help me out.
You guys. Look at the Google image search results for “vatican assassin.” Look at them!
Read more:
Charlie Sheen slams Chuck Lorre in multiple rants
Inside TV Podcast: Has Charlie Sheen killed ‘Men’?
All Inside TV posts about Charlie Sheen
Annie on Twitter: @EWAnnieBarrett
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