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'Dancing With the Stars': Maks is back!

Former pro and current scruff-less stranger Maksim “This Is My Show” Chmerkovskiy returned to the ballroom to guest-judge tonight’s season 17 semifinals. The stage directors wisely nestled Maks’ prize-winning buns between between Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioli, allowing for prime reaction shots to Grumpy and Dopey along with minimal splash-annoyance from Weepy (Carrie Ann Inaba) two seats away.

See a collection of Maks’ best visual moments below….

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'Once Upon a Time': The 10 craziest moments so far -- VIDEO

[Spoiler alert!]

Eat Rip your heart out, Lost, because Once Upon a Time creators Adam Horowitz and Edward Kitsis have a new island to play with called Neverland and a new group of survivors to gift with some hefty daddy issues and crazy plot twists. And we saw the result of their tomfoolery in Sunday night’s episode, because, as it turns out, Peter Pan is Rumplestiltskin’s father, and thus, Twue Believuh Henry’s great-grandfather.

Which means… practically everyone is related to Henry now. The Evil Queen is his adoptive mother. Rumplestiltskin is his grandfather (and so is Prince Charming, for that matter). Captain Hook is his biological mother’s possible lover, and his grandfather’s wife’s onetime lover. What are we going to learn next, that Granny’s his sister and Red’s his, er, grand-niece? Is that what they’re called?

But shhh. Just believe, Oncers, believe, and sprinkle on some of that pixie dust, because it’s time to face it: Like the Lost Boys who can never leave Neverland, we can never go back to simpler times. The only thing left to do is to take a look back at how far we’ve traveled — from the Enchanted Forest to Wonderland to that one time we went to Dr. Frankenstein’s black-and-white world — and examine the best, most outrageous twists Once has thrust upon us.

Below, our picks for the top 10 most bonkers moments of the series that would drive even the Mad Hatter madder:
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Chip Chocolate talks 'Cookie Dance', bathing in milk, and a rap battle with the Cookie Monster

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Do you know the cookie dance? And no, it’s not a dance you do to summon cookies, but rather one you do to celebrate them. Rapper Chip Chocolate (real name: Jesse Wellens) created his first song, “Cookie Dance,” out of nothing but a young boy’s pure love of the delectable dessert. And now that Chip Chocolate’s first music video has more than a million views, the cookie dance is no longer just a childhood dream.

We caught up with Chip Chocolate to find out about his inspiration, career goals, and if he was really sitting in a tub of milk:
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Watch Jean-Claude Van Damme perform 'the most epic of splits' in new Volvo commercial -- VIDEO

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Volvo’s latest commercial will drive you to feel things.

What kinds of things, you ask? Well every feeling that doesn’t involve a desire to buy a Volvo automobile. One, it will make your mouth gape in awe at Jean-Claude Van Damme’s over-50 physical prowess. In the commercial, the Belgian thigh-master performs “the most epic of splits” between two golden Volvo trucks. Two, it may make you cry or feel calm enough to attempt some close-to-quitting-time yoga – it features Enya’s tearjerker “Only Time.” And three, it might make you laugh at the bizarro pairing of the action star and the upper-middle-class family brand.

Any ad that can incite a whoa!, to wah!, to WTF? is a winner in my book.

“Now I stand here before you, what you see is a body crafted to perfection,” Van Damme says in the ad (are we still talking about the trucks?)

Watch JCVD make you want to renew your gym membership below:
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'Cookie Dance': A viral video bathed in milk -- VIDEO

A lot of kids have experienced the moment where a parent told them to put down a cookie and pick up a piece of fruit, and 95 percent of those kids probably ran away with a cookie still in hand. But what happens if you really examine that moment, and in turn, dedicate your whole life to cookies? That’s the premise of Chip Chocolate’s music video “Cookie Dance,” the latest YouTube trend.

After a mother tells her son he won’t amount to anything if he eats a cookie, the young boy in the video decides he will defy those odds and amount to something after all: A cookie pimp who spends his days bathing in milk, eating homemade Mrs. Fields cookies — she’s literally in his kitchen — and teaching people the cookie dance. Oh, and don’t forget the slutty girl scouts that dance with him.

Hey, the guy is all about his chips and all about his dough. Wouldn’t you dance with him if you could? Personally, I’d rather enjoy some “cookie sushi” while lounging nearby, but if you’re feeling the beat,  you can learn the dance yourself in the video below:
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Miss Universe 2013: 10 eye-popping moments

Congratulations are in order for the new Miss Universe, Gabriela Isler of Venezuela, who beat out 85 other international beauties Saturday night at Moscow’s Crocus City Hall, wearing a shimmering silver dress.

While it’s another year of bleached perma-smiles, bizarro-glam costumery that make an ’80s Cher look modest, and suspiciously impressive résumés, for all the glitter and iridescent excess of Miss Venezuela’s finale dress, the event itself seemed a little lackluster this year. Maybe it was the absence of wonderfully cheeky host Andy Cohen paired with the pure cheesiness of Giuliana Rancic? Or perhaps it was the lack of cringe-worthy fashion dialogue from usual suspect and style commentator Jeannie Mai? Or maybe my crazy-meter broke from the VMAs and Kanye rants and that Emmy musical number? Well, thankfully, it’s not completely broken, because there were still plenty of silly sights to spare. Behold, my picks for the 10 eye-popping Miss Universe 2013 moments:
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Can't get ladies to watch your basketball games? Easy, just give 'em a 'Girls' DVD

The Minnesota Timberwolves’ marketing team thinks they’ve totally figured out the female basketball fan demographic. And who better to represent all female fandom than Lena Dunham?

To get more women in the stands, they’re offering a “Ladies Night Out” ticket promo which includes a spa discount, a beverage, and … a DVD of Girls Season 1, according to Bleacher Report. Should we be insulted or encouraged that the Minnesota Timberwolves think they’re appealing to (or pigeonholing) women’s TV tastes with a specific female foursome show conveniently called “Girls”? Not to mention the interesting detail of only offering  season 1. Were they scarred by season 2′s naked ping-pong too? BR surmised that perhaps the team is merely trying to unload extra inventory, as the Minnesota Timberwolves promoted the same deal last year.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved the first season of Girls, Lena Dunhams’ quirky-edgy writing, but there’s something about the promotion that reeks of a failure to understand female sports fans. Here’s a better way to get more female fans in the stands for the middling Midwestern team — convince Wally Szczerbiak to come out of retirement, Kevin Garnett to come back, or just let female fans purchase a ticket because they are fans, and not some stereotyped female consumer.

The official promotion (with purchase of an $18 ticket) includes:

“Free beer, wine, or soda,”  a “DVD copy of season one of the hit HBO series Girls,” and “get $25 off any $100 service with your Wolves game night ticket at any LifeSpa.”

What say you, PopWatchers? Is a DVD of the HBO show featuring Lena Dunham’s anatomy enough to get you to cheer on the Timberwolves or is it a total turn-off? What do you think of sports teams’ attempts to increase female patronage?

'New Girl': 5 things we'd like to see from Damon Wayans Jr.

Now that Damon Wayans Jr. has signed on for the rest of this season of New Girl, we can safely look forward to even more Coach — and even more opportunities for Damon Wayans Jr. to do his thing. And by “thing,” well, we mean the five following Wayans Jr.-isms we’d love to see him pull off during his extra guest starring time: READ FULL STORY

From the makers of 'Friday': Finally, an alphabet song for the YOLO generation! -- VIDEO

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Are you an entitled millennial who never learned to read good? (Are you making your overprotective helicopter dad read this post to you right now?) If so, Internet “hitmaker” Patrice Wilson has just the “song” for you.

In “Friday,” he taught you the days of the week. In “It’s Thanksgiving,” he taught you that there is a holiday called Thanksgiving. And now, with this latest purposefully terrible wannabe viral music video, he’ll teach you something even more basic: The letters of the alphabet. Or at least everything before “Q.”

The new song’s title, no joke, is just “ABCDEFG.” (Somehow, I feel like we should give props to Patrice for managing to get the order right.) It’s sung by Alison Gold of questionable “Chinese Food” fame, and its faux-inspirational nonsense lyrics make “Friday” sound like Faulkner. Seriously, don’t play this song for anyone hoping to learn English; it’ll only confuse them.

Also, the video features Wilson peering into 11-year-old Alison’s bedroom window, and the tween confusedly flipping through an ancient paperback dictionary before getting into a strange van that has just pulled up outside her front door, which takes her to a club where she drinks a glass of punch that Patrice Wilson has drugged. With “Puppet Potion.” Also, at one point, she sings solfège syllables without tying them to any recognizable diatonic scale, which is super confusing.

I guess you can watch it if you really want:
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'Thor' gets an Honest Trailer: Revisit 'the idiot demigod prince' -- VIDEO

As Thor: The Dark World draws near, it’s time to start preparing for everything the long-haired god of thunder has to offer. And thanks to Screen Junkies, we don’t have to rewatch the first film to refresh our memories. Instead, they’ve prepared an Honest Trailer all about the “film that only exists so non-nerds will recognize the blond guy in The Avengers.”

The trailer sums up the not-terrible-but-not-great film about a beautiful man who hails from a place “where everyone gets a pointy hat, the gods live inside a CGI pipe organ, and the only way in or out is through the Rainbow Road level from Mario Kart.” But the film isn’t just about the “least relatable Marvel hero since Dr. Strange.” It’s also about his brother, countless daddy issues, and a handful of “rejects from Lord of the Rings, Game of Thrones, and Xena: Warrior Princess.” And let’s not forget Jane, the “brilliant astrophysicist with supermodel good looks” who falls for Thor‘s abs.

Watch the hilarious Honest Trailer for Thor’s Obligatory Movie below:
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