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I'm Still Not Over... Patrick Dempsey not winning 'Sexiest Man Alive'

Growing up, the “Sexiest Man Alive” issue of People Magazine was a big deal in my house. By the age of 15, I had all the names of every “Sexiest Man” memorized, and while there were always years when I disagreed with People‘s choice, there was only one error that I filed in the “unforgivable” category. (And once you see his hair, you will know why.)

Every year, the Internet starts gossiping about the “Sexiest Man” selection well ahead of time, and in 2005, the debate was on between Matthew McConaughey and Patrick Dempsey. Now, both of these men were in my “Top 10 Hottest Men” list at the time, so I wasn’t about to dislike either choice. But there was just something about Dempsey that felt like he was, without a doubt, the sexiest man alive in that moment.

See, in 2005, Grey’s Anatomy launched, and by the time People‘s Sexiest issue came out, season 2 of the hit show—arguably the series’ best—had begun. So at that point, Dempsey was already carrying around the “McDreamy” label as one half of television’s hottest couple. Heck, that’s why EW put Dempsey and co-star Ellen Pompeo on our September 2005 cover.

As for McConaughey, he too could rock some flowing locks, but what did he have in 2005? Sahara and Two for the Money. And despite how good his triceps looked in Sahara, I’m just not buying it. I mean, had People seen the way that Dempsey leaned on things and smirked? The man oozed sex appeal in the subtlest of ways.

However, looking back now, I’m not just mad that Dempsey was passed over in 2005. In fact, 2006 was probably his perfect year. Yep, 2006 was prime Dempsey, something I can chalk up to two things: Grey’s Anatomy‘s season 2 finale and season 3 premiere.

In Grey’s Anatomy‘s season 2 finale, Dempsey gave viewers what I consider to be the single sexiest look of all-time. When Derek sees Meredith across the dance floor at the hospital’s prom—it’s a long story—the way he looks at her can’t really be described with words, but let’s just say nobody wondered why she stormed off the floor because she couldn’t breathe. Then? They had sex. Obviously.

Additionally, in September of 2006, Dempsey gave us an unforgettable moment when Derek finally admitted that he was in love with Meredith. But it was better than just an “I love you,” because well, he’s Patrick Dempsey.

And before you tell me he’s just a good actor and Shonda Rhimes is a great writer, let me be clear—I’m also speaking to Dempsey’s off-screen personality. He’s a family man. He races cars, which gives him an edge. And his sense of humor is almost as great as his smile. Also in 2006? He graced the cover of Us Weekly with word “Sexy” in big bold letters. Big. Bold. Letters.

With all that having been said, I do realize that in order for Dempsey to take the 2006 title, he would’ve had to have beaten George Clooney, who is the king of all sexy men. No, I’m not saying Dempsey is sexier than Clooney, but what I am saying is that Clooney can win any year, so why give it to him the year he did The Good German?

And if skipping Dempsey two years in a row wasn’t bad enough, 2007—arguably the last real shot for McDreamy in terms of Grey’s Anatomy‘s peak—marked the time he was overlooked for Matt Damon. Yes, Damon was Jason Bourne, but there’s a reason Dempsey was on the cover of TV Guide‘s “Sexy Issue” that year, not to mention EW‘s Photo Issue. Also, Enchanted!

So now the question remains: Is it too late for Dempsey? Honestly, it never is, but his hair is starting to get a little out of control, and I fear the worst.

I’ll leave you with this.

Here's what happens when Princess Leia walks NYC streets for 10 hours

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After a woman walked around New York City for 10 hours to chronicle the various ways in which street harassment is a serious issue, her video garnered a lot of attention. And as a result of that attention, there have been a number of parodies, including one involving Princess Leia.

So what would happen if Princess Leia walked around NYC for 10 hours? Well, Indiana Jones would hit on her, obviously. Wait, what?

READ FULL STORY

'Too Many Cooks' creator tries to explain his awesomely bizarre Adult Swim short

You’re going to see a weird viral video today. It’s going to make you scrunch up your eyebrows, lean in close to your screen, then lean far, far away—and when it’s all over, you’ll wonder if you’ve transcended this mortal plane altogether.

It’s called Too Many Cooks and it aired on Adult Swim at 4 a.m. for a week straight at the end of October—wedged somewhere between infomercials and insomnia. Squidbillies writer Chris “Casper” Kelly is the man behind the late-night spoof, which begins as a harmless parody of cheesy ’80s sitcom intros before it becomes something much, much more disturbing. (He calls his style “absurdist and dark;” that’s the understatement of the year.)

EW talked to Kelly about his mindf–k of a short, which is taking the Internet by storm even as we speak. READ FULL STORY

The lyrics of 'It's the Hard-Knock Life,' according to this ridiculous 'Annie' emoji video

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So, there’s an Annie movie. And if the trailers are any indication, it’s probably going to be hilarious. Not “ha-ha, isn’t this whimsical?” hilarious, but “Pierce Brosnan is giving his all in Mamma Mia!” hilarious.

But the one thing that isn’t funny is the movie’s social media campaign. Annie‘s marketing team seems to actually understand its target demographic: tween girls and reluctant adults whose fingers are glued to their phones. The latest proof of that awareness is a goofy lyric video accompanying the first full track release of “It’s the Hard-Knock Life,” the show’s orphan ensemble opener (calm down, “Maybe”). The song introduces us to the film’s sassy stars (now foster kids), cursed to live out their days scrubbing floors and singing backup harmony.

The song is fine—and reflective of Annie‘s contemporary setting update—but the emoji are just wrong. SO wrong, in fact, that they’re almost indecipherable to those of us who don’t study emoji lore. That’s why I decided to translate it for you.

First, you must play the actual version of the song: READ FULL STORY

Here's an 18-year-old Channing Tatum stripping at a club in Florida

It’s one thing to know that Channing Tatum got some of his Magic Mike moves from his days as a real-life stripper, and it’s an entirely separate thing to then watch an 18-year-old Channing Tatum—who went by his stage name Chan Crawford—grind on middle-aged women and rock a neon thong. But thanks to Us Weekly, we now know exactly what the latter feels like.

Thanks to a video of Tatum dancing at a Florida club called Male Encounter, we can now analyze how he has grown as a dancer. The takeaways? Tatum was a little more flexible as a teen and definitely into the flow-y hip movement—weren’t we all? And just generally, there was a lot more happening with his hands. Then again, that’s probably because he didn’t know what to do with all of the extremely baggy clothes on his hot bod. Welcome to 1999 everybody, where the party never stops and the clothing never fits.

READ FULL STORY

Ranking Saks's 'SNL' collection items, from least to most ridiculous

If you’ve ever wanted to dress like a super chic version of your favorite Saturday Night Live character, Saks Fifth Avenue has you covered. Especially if your favorite SNL character is Gilly.

The department store’s “Live From New York” collection, which was guided by SNL‘s costume designer Tom Broecker, features items from a variety of high-end designers that were inspired by classic SNL sketches. In some cases, the connections to SNL are tenuous at best. (Hello, Coneheads beanie.) In others, they’re obvious—which is good news for those who can spend upwards of $1,000 to look vaguely like Mary Katherine Gallagher. (I guess that would truly make one a superstar.) READ FULL STORY

James Franco is the star of a new coloring book

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Tired of regular coloring books, full of boring things like princesses and dinosaurs? Mel Elliott has just the one for you, then: a James Franco coloring book.

Inspired by Franco’s varied and selfie-filled Instagram feed, Elliott put together a book of black-and-white Franco depictions so people can bring the actor to life with the help of colored pencils. There’s James Franco in Bed with Coffee, James Franco as Spring Breakers‘ Alien, James Franco in Drag—essentially, it’s a look at Franco’s many selves. READ FULL STORY

'Mean Girls' star Daniel Franzese parodies Sam Smith's 'Stay With Me'

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Sam Smith’s “Stay With Me” is a sweet song about how the singer wants his one-night-stand to last a little longer. Daniel Franzese’s parody “Please Go Home” is the opposite.

The Mean Girls star plays a man who wants his hookup to get out of his house in the “Stay With Me” spoof; Franzese sings about how his sex-friend needs a mint and needs to take a cab home. READ FULL STORY

'Law & Order: SVU': Every issue shoehorned into the Jay Z/Solange/Donald Sterling episode

Yep, you read that headline right: There was a lot going on in SVU last night.

Just how much? About as much as was stuffed into 2013’s biggest kitchen-sink episode, “American Tragedy”—a smorgasbord that included takes on Paula Deen, Trayvon Martin, stop-and-frisk, and even “Blurred Lines.” The latest entry in the SVU canon—which aired almost exactly one year after “American Tragedy”—was a similarly chock-full affair, complete with an analogous title (“American Disgrace”), another big-name guest star (Stacy Keach as a Donald Sterling-esque billionaire), and the same disingenuous opening title card: “The following story is fictional and does not depict any actual person or event.”

Mmmhmmm. Check out this list of issues crammed into the episode, then judge for yourself. READ FULL STORY

Miss America 2015: 'Jane Austin,' terrifying frogs, and more of what you missed

On the night of Sept. 14, some Americans expressed their patriotism by cheering as the Chicago Bears mauled the San Francisco 49ers. More refined types took in the first episode of Ken Burns’ The Roosevelts: An Intimate History on PBS. The classiest nationalists of all forewent TV entirely, choosing instead to read the Constitution by candlelight while listening to the collected works of John Philip Sousa and supping on a freshly roasted bald eagle.

But those of us who really know what these United States are all about spent the evening watching the unique ridiculosity that is the Miss America pageant on ABC. And while this year’s telecast suffered from a notable absence of butt glue, generally speaking, it didn’t disappoint: The smiles were unnaturally wide and white, the gowns were cheesy, and, most of all, the facts that popped onscreen during the talent portion were fun. (And weirdly focused on animal encounters.)

In the end, it all came down to two American paragons: Miss Virginia Paige Garrett, a Liberty University graduate who performed opera in a gown inspired by her favorite Holiday Barbie, and Miss New York Kira Kazantsev, a first-generation Russian-American who really, really loves Pitch Perfect. Kazantzev was victorious, becoming the 88th Miss America and the third consecutive winner from New York—but these alternate-category winners also deserve some recognition.

READ FULL STORY

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