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Tag: I Saw It (1-10 of 10)

Cameron Diaz has Sex with a Car in 'The Counselor' -- ANALYSIS

Very impressive people worked on The Counselor. Directed by an Academy Award-nominated director. Written by a Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist who is In The Conversation for a Nobel Prize. Starring a mixed-company cast of movie stars, Oscar winners, and internet boyfriends: Michael Fassbender, Penelope Cruz, Javier Bardem, Cameron Diaz, Brad Pitt. You would be forgiven, then, for thinking that The Counselor is not the sort of movie in which someone engages in sexual congress with a car.

But in point of fact, The Counselor is indeed a film in which someone (Cameron Diaz) has sex (intercourse) with a car (Ferrari). The scene comes relatively early in the movie — although The Counselor is a movie that seems to last forever and also a movie in which nothing really seems to happen, so it might be more accurate to say that Cameron Diaz is actually having sex with a car for the entire movie. Indeed, it might be that the entirety of human history is merely an endless repetition of the essential primal state of being, and said primal state is in fact a state of Cameron Diaz Having Sex With Car-ness.
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'The Canyons': We saw it so you don't have to

There are some movies so awesomely bad that their unintentional badness turns into audience happiness. See Sharknado, or most Lifetime Originals. And then there are movies so awesomely sad, that their sadness makes the audience sad by association. See The Canyons.

Hyped as Lindsay Lohan’s comeback and director Paul Schrader’s career savior, with a script penned by Bret Easton Ellis, The Canyons’ fuzzy plotline stars James Deen and La Lohan as an L.A. couple tanning and looking pretty by day and satisfying some kinky sexual appetites by night. Deen plays Christian, a controlling, trust-fund-fueled man-boy forced to keep the family film business running. Lohan plays Tara, a struggling actress-turned-kept woman with a perpetual anxiety problem. Several filmed sexcapades later (including a rave-lit foursome in Christian’s bed), Christian and Tara play a cat-and-mouse game of sexual domination when Christian finds out Tara’s been sleeping with the lead actor (Ryan, played by Glee‘s Nolan Gerard Funk) in his horror flick.

In the spirit of Lohan’s ever-changing tresses, I’ve compiled a docket of The Canyons‘ highlights and lowlights. Because we’re still suffering from a serotonin low post-viewing, let’s start with the film’s uppers:
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'Stars in Danger: The High Dive': tWitch and Shout with Antonio Sabato Jr. in a speedo

My esteemed colleague Mandi Bierly and I just sat through two hours of “celebrity” diving and can officially break this staggering news: Stephen “tWitch” Boss wore way too many clothes on So You Think You Can Dance. Nice shot, Fox! Well done. It’s a hit. READ FULL STORY

'The Choice' premiere: Cat Deeley gasps for air in a sea of trashy plastic dummies

She might have thought twice about wearing red leather pants while swimming.

First of all, the hideous dancing silhouettes have got to go. They don’t even match up to the women behind the doors! Get rid of them! (They were admittedly funny the first five times.)

Welcome to The Choice, Fox’s new six-part dating series that rhymes with The Voice and incorporates the same four “blind audition” chairs as the NBC show. The similarities end there. Here, four “celebrities” — this week: rapper Romeo, moguls skier Jeremy Bloom, soap star Jason Cook, and “household name” DJ Pauly D of Jersey Shore — must listen to women brag about themselves for 30 seconds and then “pull their love handles” if they think she seems hot and desperate-to-cook-them-dinner enough based on voice alone. READ FULL STORY

'RuPaul's Drag Race' week 6 query: Was Milan's lip-synching awful -- or genius?

They say the third time’s a charm. But that certainly wasn’t the case for Milan on last night’s new episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race, which — SPOILER ALERT — saw the Broadway- and oddly dude-tinged queen from NYC get the ol’ “sashay away” after her third week of lip-synching for her life in a row. Not charming!

And it should just be put out there: Gurl is a bad, bad, bad lip-syncher, and last night’s performance to Lady Gaga’s pride anthem “Born This Way” showed exactly why. And that was mostly because she ripped off both her top, exposing a bare man’s chest, and her wig. (She sure can do the splits, though.) Stripping down is nothing new for the main stage’s lip-synching-for-your-life showdowns, but there is sort of a feel of “been there, done that” when the wig-throwing starts now. And with all the disparaging comments Milan got from the judges about her drag being too “mannish,” it didn’t help her cause at all.

Or am I just not understanding Milan’s style of performing? Was it actually genius in some secret way?

The hilarious thing about the lip-synching last night was that Milan’s competitor in the bottom, Jiggly Caliente, was also God awful, but clearly, not as bad as Milan. (And don’t even get me started on what Jiggly did on the runway — that cape, really?!?) Honestly, it was a toss-up about who should have been sent packing. No doubt that Jiggly’s time is nearly up, too.

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'RuPaul's Drag Race' week 5 query: Which queen did the best celebrity impersonation on 'The Snatch Game'? POLL!

Rupaul-Drag-Race-Cher

The Snatch Game returns! Last night’s new episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race once again featured the fan-favorite challenge, which finds the competing queens dragging out their best celebrity impersonations for a rollicking riff on ’70s-80s game show staple The Match Game. As we’ve seen in the past, the challenge can be a star-making turn for the gals who get it right: Both Pandora Boxx and Stacey Layne Matthews cleaned up on the past two seasons by serving up delightfully fierce versions of Carol Channing and Precious, respectively.

The fact that Chad Michaels took home the crown for the evening was basically a foregone conclusion — girl has been shilling her Cher impersonation since she walked through the door in the season premiere. I don’t think any of the queens thought they had a chance at beating her. Despite that, though, I thought there were several other stellar celeb impersonations, namely from Sharon Needles as Michelle Visage; Willam as Jessica Simpson; and Dida Ritz as Wendy Williams. (And several bad. Notably, Beyoncé by Kenya Michaels, who was mercifully shown the door at the end of the episode.)

Sharon proved shrewd by doing Drag Race judge Michelle — but it was risky, too, since it could have easily blown up in her face. Willam committed to playing Simpson as super stupid and scored. And Dida showed smarts for choosing someone — talk show host Williams — with such an iconic speaking voice and catchphrase in, “How you doin’?”

So, I’m asking you to choose between Chad and those other three ladies — Sharon, Willam, and Dida. Whose impersonation was best? Vote in our poll below:

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'RuPaul's Drag Race' week 4 query: How much are you loving Latrice Royale?

Sharon Needles has been dominating RuPaul’s Drag Race in its first three episodes this season, and of course, there are other strong contestants, like Willam and Phi Phi O’Hara and some of the other sundry queens. But last night on the show’s new episode, “Women Behind Bars,” saw a star who was burning somewhat quietly really brighten up: Latrice Royale.

I’ve loved the big gal since the show opened — and I’ve been rooting for her — but she really turned it on last night in the main challenge, which found the ladies acting out a scene from the fake sitcom Hot in Tuckahoe. As Ru described at the top of the challenge, Tuckahoe was about “four best squirrel friends who keep getting arrested and sent to jail.” (The show looked cray-cray, but also like something I would watch… and enjoy.) Considering her prison past, Latrice was sure she was a perfect fit for the sitcom. “As soon as I saw that there was a prison guard,” Latrice said, “I knew that was the role for me.” And Latrice delivered, giving the camera such a load of facial expressions that the editors cut various shots of her lip-pursing into her group’s comedy scene. “Honey, you could do that for half an hour,” Will & Grace creator Max Mutchnick told Latrice, of her perfect pursing, “and they would laugh.” She was successful largely because she just went for it and performed over the top, which is what works in television sitcoms. (To be fair, Dida, Willam, and Phi Phi did well, too — they all employed a similar balls-to-the-wall approach.)

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'RuPaul's Drag Race' week 3 query: Can Sharon Needles' domination be stopped? Vote in our poll!

Just let the above screengrab wash over you for a second: It’s simply sickening Sharon Needles realness from last night’s new episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race, titled “Glamazons vs. Champions.”

Be honest: Have you ever laid your eyes on such magnificence in your life? Yes, you definitely are seeing quadruple images of the self-described “spooky, beautiful, and stupid” queen serving demented versions of Cruella de Vil and Marilyn Manson. And it’s amazing.

Sharon is pictured here because the biggest outcome from last night’s episode was, indeed, that Needles has solidified her place as a force to be reckoned with on the show — despite drawing the ire of other contestants (we’re looking at you, Phi Phi). SPOILER ALERT: The dark-and-twisty queen took home the crown in the infomercial-themed challenge, a mere two weeks after she pulled off the same feat in the show’s season 4 premiere.

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I Saw It, So You Don't Have To: Anna Nicole Smith's 'Illegal Aliens'

Alien_lI’ve never been a big believer in giving the deceased a free pass when it comes to evaluating work released after that person has died; artistic merit doesn’t gain or decrease with someone’s passing.

Illegal Aliens, the final feature film co-starring Anna Nicole Smith, goes straight to video on May 1st. It’s awful, a sci-fi spoof that’s badly written, made clumsily and on the cheap. Smith plays one of three aliens who can shape-shift and who take human form as sexy babes (the other two are little-known actresses who probably don’t want whatever publicity this stinker will bring them, and one of the villains is played by Joanie Laurer, a.k.a. the former wrestler Chyna).

The three heroines are depicted as a kind of Charlie’s Angels for the Star Trek set, their mission being to protect Earth from evil forces. I don’t think I need to say more about the imagination behind the plot and action of Illegal Aliens than to point out that near the end, Nicole Smith, to help save the day, takes the form of a helicopter (actually just shots of a helicopter with Nicole Smith’s voice talking on the soundtrack).

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