Break out the bubbly! Axl delivers on 'Chinese Democracy' (maybe)

Just in time to sooth worldwide protests over human rights abuse in China, Axl and co. have made good on their promise to complete the long-awaited Chinese Democracy album. According to the NME (via therockradio.com), the music has been delivered to their label, Geffen; the two sides merely need hammer out the finer details regarding money and rights issues — the album reportedly cost more than $13 million to produce — before the album, 14 years in the making, hits the marketplace.

I'm gonna take this news with a horselick-sized block of salt, but IMO, it's a win-win situation: We get the tunes, or we each get a free can of bubbly. (Which, at the time of writing, according to the US census, would end up costing Dr Pepper $303,822,220 — or more than 23 times the album's production cost, assuming each can costs a dollar and that GN'R guitarists Slash and Buckethead don't get serviced). Start planning those Dr Pepper parties now!

NKOTB return with "maybe a few less oh-ohs"

It's official: New Kids on the Block are reuniting. Today had the big "reveal" this morning, sending Meredith Vieira and Natalie Morales out onto the rain-soaked Rockefeller Plaza — where the besuited man band magically appeared from behind a red curtain. The girls in the crowd went apes--- as the guys quickly fell into their old roles: Jordan Knight, Donnie Wahlberg, and Joey McIntyre did all the talking, while Jonathan Knight stood behind them looking uncomfortable. Danny Wood was there, too. Off to the side. (The good news: neither Jonathan nor Danny was as awkward as Today's cut from the screaming New Kids crowd to a somber Al Roker, who was reporting from outside the Memphis hotel where Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated 40 years ago today. Seriously. Awkward.)

But, using the same let's lighten things up! segue Today did, back to the New Kids! They've been recording since last August. On May 16, they'll return to Today for their first live performance together in 15 years. They'll release an album this summer (same signature sound, "maybe a few less oh-ohs," said Wahlberg). And they'll launch a limited tour this fall (yes, there will be dancing). Frankly, that's all we needed to know. But Morales kept the guys around for another segment so she could ask this poorly worded question: "You guys went from the biggest act around to just disappearing. We didn't see you. Some of you went on to have your own singles, and your own albums, but we really didn't hear about a lot of you. Where did you all go?" Honestly, I think she just wanted to get into a real-estate conversation with Jonathan (sales are terrible, he said), but instead, she got always-serious Donnie talking about his acting career. "I shot a film with Robert De Niro and Al Pacino called Righteous Kill, and I guess after that, it was kinda like, what more could I do in acting? So I get back with my boys and make some music."

Of course, the question is: Do we want to hear that music? I suppose I'll tune in May 16, because I want to know if Jordan's and Joey's voices are still as good as Donnie said they are. And whether Jonathan, who, let's face it, was never the best dancer, will keep up (or even show up). And if I'm really switching allegiances from Jordan to Joey after all these years. You?

Axl Rose responds to Dr Pepper's 'Chinese Democracy' offer

Axl Rose has come out of hiding the recording studio to respond to Dr Pepper's offer to donate a can of the fizzy soft drink to everyone in America — save Slash and Buckethead — should Guns N' Roses' Chinese Democracy, now in its 13th year of gestation, see the light of day in '08. The dreadlocked rocker issued a press release that was posted on the GN'R website yesterday:

We are surprised and very happy to have the support of Dr Pepper with our album Chinese Democracy, as for us, this came totally out of the blue. If there is any involvement with this promotion by our record company or others, we are unaware of such at this time. And as some of Buckethead's performances are on our album, I'll share my Dr Pepper with him.

So... is this a yes, Axl? We can expect to see Chinese Democracy in 2008? Here's a clock you can use to chart your progress.

Press Release of the Week: Pop open a can of 'Chinese Democracy'

Props to Dr. Pepper for their snarky promise to give everyone in America a can of their soda if Axl Rose (pictured) finally releases Chinese Democracy sometime in 2008. (Well, everyone except former Guns n' Roses guitarists Slash and Buckethead. Sorry, guys.) The Pepper people have even started a blog to encourage Axl to end the 17-year drought and get off the can, so to speak. In mock sympathy for Axl's painstaking perfectionism, the Pepper press release proclaims,

"It took a little patience to perfect Dr Pepper's special mix of 23 ingredients, which our fans have come to know and love," said Jaxie Alt, director of marketing for Dr Pepper. "So we completely understand and empathize with Axl's quest for perfection — for something more than the average album."

Very clever stunt, since they're all but guaranteed not to have to make good on the offer.

UPDATE: Axl responds!

John Hughes lost, Long Duk Dong found

What are the odds of pieces about John Hughes (still beloved, still a recluse) and his Sixteen Candles character Long Duk Dong (still funny, still a stereotype) running on the same day?

Yesterday, The Los Angeles Times had a story about the impact Hughes (pictured, left, in 1994) still has on Hollywood — which he turned his back on more than a decade ago — because today's filmmakers, including Judd Apatow, whose latest, Drillbit Taylor, is loosely based on an abandoned Hughes story idea, were reared on his movies. "John Hughes wrote some of the great outsider characters of all time," Apatow told the Times. "It's pretty ridiculous to hear people talk about the movies we've been doing, with outrageous humor and sweetness all combined, as if they were an original idea. I mean, it was all there first in John Hughes' films. Whether it's Freaks and Geeks or Superbad, the whole idea of having outsiders as the lead characters, that all started with Hughes.... His great film characters, starting with Anthony Michael Hall in Sixteen Candles, were big inspirations. When we were growing up, we were all like Hall — the goofy skinny kid who thinks he's cool, even if nobody else does. Superbad has that same attitude, that mix of total cockiness and insecurity."

NPR, on the other hand, ran a piece on the lasting legacy of Sixteen Candles' Long Duk Dong, the Asian exchange student (played by Gedde Watanabe, pictured, right, with Candles crush Deborah Pollack) who finds love and a lake (big lake) in which to park Grandpa's automobile...

'It's Always Sunny' in space

Sometimes good things happen to good people. Or, at least really, really funny ones. The boys behind FX's It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia — Rob McElhenney, Charlie Day, and Glenn Howerton — have sold a pilot to Fox. The show, based on an idea from their Sunny writers' assistant Adam Stein, is called Boldly Going Nowhere. McElhenney tells Variety it will follow a spaceship captain's mundane life as he kills time between missions. "We grew up watching shows like Star Trek, anything having to do with the future, and it was always about the adventures they'd go on," he says. "We thought it would be funny to watch what goes on in between those adventures, when they're waiting for the next big thing to happen. How do they keep themselves busy?" They'll shoot the pilot this fall, after they wrap the 13-episode fourth season of Sunny, about which McElhenney dropped details to EW.com last week.

If you're a fan of Philadelphia (pictured), you know the trio specializes in characters who have a lot of time on their hands. So despite the fact that the guys won't star in Boldly Going Nowhere (their decision or Fox's I wonder?), I'm stoked. Almost as much as my colleague Aubry D'Arminio, who responded to my email sharing news of the deal with one sentence: "I just had a baby in my chair." Do you share our, um, enthusiasm? And what other underrated writer-actor-showrunners would you love to see catch a break?

A real 'Beverly Hills, 90210' spinoff (as opposed to 'Dancing With the Stars')

The CW has fast-tracked the pilot for a contemporary spinoff of Beverly Hills, 90210. Veronica Mars creator Rob Thomas is considering penning said pilot — acceptable. It may or may not include any of the original characters — not acceptable. Right?

Who would you like to see return? I'm pulling for Brandon Walsh, if only so Jason Priestley will recreate the double fist pump from the show's opening (below). Years ago, I used to watch morning Buffy the Vampire Slayer repeats on FX, and 90210 followed it. I would literally do the double fist pump with Priestley, then change the channel. Every morning.

"Square Pegs" on DVD! What should be next?

As I wrote in 2004, when EW named Square Pegs one of the TV shows we were dying to get on DVD, a misfit Sarah Jessica Parker + the comic angst of Freaks and Geeks x the emotional resonance of My So-Called Life ÷ the acerbic absurdity of Popular = it's time! And finally, it is. The 1982-83 series has been given a May 20 release date. Creator Anne Beatts told us four years ago that she had a few ideas for extras: commentary on ''Muffy's Bat Mitzvah'' (below); a tribute to the show's innovative use of rock (the Waitresses! Devo! guest star Bill Murray dancing to Billy Idol!), and one very special character update, ''Where is the Guatemalan child now?'' Let's hope she gets her way.

What other TV shows are you still dying to get on DVD?

Are we ready for Jack Davenport to be a star in the U.S.? (Yes!)

Let's hope it's the moment fans of the British Coupling (and of Commodore Norrington in the Pirates of the Caribbean films, pictured) have been waiting for: Jack Davenport will star in the CBS drama Swingtown, premiering May 29. The show depicts the '70s sexual and cultural revolution in a Chicago suburb — which sounds good for plot lines and bad for wardrobe and hair. In addition to Davenport, the show stars Deadwood's Molly Parker and Melrose Place's Grant Show (!). Is it finally time for Davenport, who also had memorable turns in The Wedding Date and The Talented Mr. Ripley, to break through in the States?

What shows have you watched out of desperation as you wait for the strike drought to end?

Several years ago, after a friend of mine ran the Marine Corps Marathon (and I slipped on a banana peel in the finish area), she told me that the last two-tenths of a mile had been the hardest for her. She'd been so focused on getting to mile 26, she'd forgotten all about the .2, and had to force herself to mentally regroup. I wonder if we, the TV addicts, will experience a similar fate in regards to the writers' strike. Were we so focused on getting a deal signed that we didn't think about what would happen next: Will these final weeks until our DVRs are flooded with new episodes prove the most difficult?

According to an informal poll taken last night at my friend Sheila's birthday dinner, sometime during the second pitcher of sangria, the answer may very well be yes. We went around the table and talked about our lowest point during the strike, when we watched a program that we never would have sat through had the season progressed as usual, and those moments were all recent. Apparently, after Sheila blew through all five new episodes of In Treatment as soon as they appeared on HBO on Demand, she found herself turning to what many of you will consider the unthinkable: Two and a Half Men (pictured). Our friend Ian, it should be noted, involuntarily outed himself as having seen an episode when he joined us in singing the "Men, men, men, men, manly men..." theme song — which we did only to prove to the other side of the table how annoying it is. As in, I used to tape the show, and the song was the reason I stopped.

My friend Robb then attempted to top Sheila's confession by admitting that he's seen every episode of Cashmere Mafia and Lipstick Jungle, and had just watched a 1997 TV movie called Every 9 Seconds, starring Caroline in the City's Amy Pietz, on "one of the Lady Networks." His argument would've been stronger had he not added that Christopher Meloni, playing Gail O'Grady's abusive husband, appeared shirtless.

Your turn. What has been your low point during the strike, and how do you plan on making it through these final weeks? (A new episode of Bones airs April 14, friends. We can make it if we stick together. The center must hold.)

Johnny Depp and Christian Bale. Together in a movie. Hello!

Christian Bale (right) is in talks to join Johnny Depp (left) in the Michael Mann-directed, catch-me-if-you-can drama Public Enemies. It's the pairing I never thought to ask for, but, judging by my squeal reaction to the news, have always wanted. Can you die happy now, or is there another first-time coupling you'll want to see before you go?

The line starts here...

The iPhone went on sale last Friday. Easily the most hyped product this year, the latest gadget from the wizardly engineers and designers at Apple — they dropped the Computer from their name a few months ago — is a hybrid mobile phone/Web browser/iPod. (Reviews for the $500-$600 device have been mostly favorable. We'll have a review of the iPhone on EW.com later today.)

But what I want to talk about are the lines of customers who waited to buy these iPhones — some of whom had staked out their places 100 hours (that's more than 4 days!) before they went on sale. This has been something of a common occurrence over the past 9 months: hordes of anxious fans who choose to brave the elements, forgo sleep and showers (granted, not an undue hardship for a few), and endure the wondering stares of bemused passers-by. All for the chance to be among the happy few to walk out with an expensive new toy. It happened with the Nintendo Wii, the Sony PlayStation 3 (which also drew an enterprising but criminal element), and now, the iPhone.

Waiting in lines is, for the most part, a grim and monotonous experience. It practically defined life in late-era Communist Russia. But it is also is a pretty good test of one's commitment and level of enthusiasm. Okay, so here are my questions. What's the longest you've ever waited in line to make an entertainment-related purchase? And have you ever waited in line — for, say, more than 30 minutes — to buy something other than movie or concert tickets?