Clip du Jour: 'Her first baby...come out sideways'

A great moment from a Thanksgiving classic (see today's Quote of the Day).  Gotta love how Dylan Baker (Dylan Baker?!) pretty much steals this scene from Steve Martin and John Candy — not an easy thing to do.

'The Daily Show' exposes CNN's terrifying magic maps

I'm feeling a little scared right now. See, I just watched the special investigation that The Daily Show's always-superb John Oliver presented on Tuesday night, wherein he revealed the hidden purpose of those "magic wall" maps that CNN's John King kept using on election night. Because that's the kind of fearless truth-seeker John Oliver is: He'll do an in-depth report on something two full weeks after it ceases to be relevant, all for the greater good. I'm really too shook up even to summarize the sordid conspiracy Oliver uncovered, so why don't you just watch the clip below. Be warned, though — you might end up like me, unable to so much as turn on CNN without looking anxiously over your shoulder for a marauding anchor. (Here is where I note that CNN is, like EW's parent company, owned by Time Warner. Not that that makes me feel any safer!)

I think I can confidently say that this is the best electoral-map-related humor performance I've seen in some time, beating out such worthy contenders as Stephen Colbert's recent adventure with The Early Show's lower-tech floor situation on CBS (click here to watch) and Fred Armisen's own magic-wall skit on SNL a few weeks ago (voila). Disagree if you dare — John King is probably monitoring this post as we speak.

More on The Daily Show and election humor:
The Daily Show writers' eerily accurate Election '08 predictions
John Oliver deserves his own series!
TDS made it onto EW's Top 25 New TV Classics
John Oliver semi-endorsed Snoopy for President

Clip du jour: Drive-by Compliments

Random acts of dimwitted kindness...

Maury's paternity tests (and other irresistible talk show topics)

Yesterday morning, flipping channels, I landed on one of Maury's paternity test episodes. Because I had to know whether the third woman to come on the show and claim that Valchas was the father of her child was right (nope), and whether Temperance had finally found baby Tasia's daddy among the fourth and fifth men she'd brought to Maury for DVD testing (nope), I actually pressed 'record' when I had to leave my apartment.

What talk show topics are sadly apparently impossible for you to resist?

Clip du jour: Robot head...dancing...to 'Mambo No. 5'

"A little bit of Twiki in my life, a little bit of freaky by my side..."

The Nirvana baby, now 17, recreates iconic 'Nevermind' photo

Just a couple of quick observations here, gleaned from MTV's exposé on Spencer Elden, the so-called "Nirvana baby."

1) The baby is now a SEVENTEEN-YEAR-OLD man. Digest that fact with your morning cup o' joe (or prune juice, as it were).

2) Elden's babe-baiting repertoire is apparently fairly limited: He is quoted in the article as saying that he has to use "stupid pickup lines like, 'You want to see my penis ... again?' " Ugh. I'm not sure why that makes me feel like a dirty old lady, but it does. Pass.

3) The difference between art and commerce? The swimming trunks.

I was a freshman in college, hanging out in my dorm lounge, when I first saw the video for Nevermind's "Smells Like Teen Spirit." My friends and I all screamed and jumped up and down, stunned and somehow elated by the breakthrough of grunge to the mainstream media. Where were you when you first heard Nirvana's Nevermind?

Clip du jour: Steve Guttenberg, semi-nekkid

For your nausea-inducing pleasure: the famously reclusive actor/dancer/auteur — aka "The Goot" — running, stretching, and frightening tourists in New York's Central Park. Sans pants. Not even the judicious and responsible use of blurring can render this footage suitable for the workplace. Or any other place in which decent and God-fearing folk live free.

[Daily Intel via Best Week Ever]

Who's your favorite Bond villain?

All I know about the new James Bond movie, Quantum of Solace, is what I read on EW.com, but something has me worried: the name of the new villain, played by Mathieu Amalric: Monsieur Greene. Ooh, scary! What happened to the tradition of giving the big Bond bad a cool name, like Dr. No, Le Chiffre, Ernst Stavros Blofeld, Francisco Scaramanga, and, my favorite, Auric Goldfinger (Gert Fröbe, pictured with Sean Connery's Bond)?

All in all, Mr. Vert is going to have a hard time matching up to my man Auric in the coolest-Bond-villain-ever competition. First of all, Goldfinger has built an entire lifetime of wickedness around the pursuit of a commodity that happens to appear in his last name. (What is Monsieur Greene going to do, destroy America's stock of lettuce?) And Goldfinger has by the far the best murderous assistant in any of the movies: Oddjob (if only for the razor-Frisbee derby). Plus, even though Bond could outcheat him in golf, Goldfinger could nearly match 007 in a zinger-off. (''Do you expect me to talk?'' "No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die.")

But that's just me. Who's your favorite Bond villain of all time? Name your nominee(s) in the comments section below, and be sure to state your reasons why. The most convincing answers may appear in an upcoming EW.com gallery!

More on James Bond, 'Quantum of Solace':
Visit EW.com's James Bond HQ (it's awesome!)
Read Lisa Schwarzbaum's 'Quantum of Solace' review
Read EW's current cover story on 'Quantum of Solace' (featuring exclusive pics!)
Listen to EW's movie critics talk 007
James Bond: The Spy Who Raised Me

Election night: Any excuse to party?

Congratulations -- you voted! Or maybe you didn't, but hopefully that unwarranted praise will guilt you into going right this second. Just don't vote for the same dude in all three columns, like the befuddled constituents in Josh Lyman's waking nightmare on The West Wing (press play below).

Any of you P-Dubbers have wild election night plans? I feel as terrified as Josh right now, but hopefully the election results will drive me to drink "happily" instead of "with a vengeance." Mandi Bierly and I will be at Comedy Central's Indecision 2008 Election Night Viewing Party, scarfing down fruit kebabs while nonchalantly stalking Kristen Schaal. At least I'll be doing that. Mandi will probably be doing something responsible.

Heads up, Nation: Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert's hour-long election special begins at 10 p.m. ET, and
we'll have an election-night roundup post and accompanying EW.com video (from all the networks, not just the most irreverent one) on PopWatch tomorrow morning. But tell us: How will you spend election night?

PopWatch disturbia-off: 'I Hate Your Guts' vs. 'Noelle'

Another Halloween has come and gone, and yet the creepiness of the holiday lives on, thanks to a couple of upcoming pop-culture releases that arrived in the mail last week.

Exhibit A: The back cover of Jim Norton's I Hate Your Guts, which features the author (wearing a suit jacket and WHITE SOCKS) taking a whiz on a crushed bouquet of yellow roses. Revolting!

Exhibit B: The DVD cover for Noelle, a "Dove Family-Approved" holiday film featuring a little girl whose facial expression falls somewhere between "come and play with us" and "are you mad? I am your daughter!" Disconcerting!

I leave it to you to make the call as to which is more disturbing. Vote in our PopWatch Poll, then share your feelings ("mommy!) in the comments section below.

Vote for Creepiest Halloween Costume ('The View' edition)

My pal Kristen Baldwin sent me a frantic IM this morning: "Turn on The View. NOW!" Really, her message should have come with a warning -- "What you are about to see may result in trembling, emotional scarring, and possible collapse." But since I got blindsided by the sight of the show's hosting panel in frightening Halloween drag, why should you be spared, PopWatchers? After the jump, check out closeup screengrabs of Barbara Walters as George Washington, Elisabeth Hasselbeck as Ronald Reagan, Sherri Shepherd as a penny, er, I mean Abraham Lincoln, Whoopi Goldberg as FDR, and Joy Behar as Teddy Roosevelt. And do vote in our exclusive PopWatch poll to tell us which costume freaks you out the most.

What's your creepiest album cover?

Earlier this week, Nick DiFonzo, author of Seriously Bad Album Covers, compiled 28 Creepy Album Covers for the Houston Press. The Louvin Brothers' Satan Is Real is my favorite of his choices, mostly because the guys seem to have no idea Satan shares the stage with them. (Or is real.) I honestly didn't recognize most of his covers, so I've taken a complete inventory of my own iTunes library, and share some of my creepiest album covers after the jump. Feel free to add your own!

Halloween DVDs: Dalton's Top 5

Not everyone needs to party Halloween night -- some of us geniuses keep tacky clothes and bags of fun-size candy bars in the house embedded in our sofas all year long. If you'd rather spend the weekend freaking out in private, EW's Dalton Ross picked his five favorite scary-movie DVDs for an appearance on CBS' The Early Show this week. Go ahead, press play below. The eerie chords at the beginning should render you just unsettled enough to keep watching.

Any titles to add? I might just phone it in and watch rerurns of Spongebob. Those can be pretty terrifying.

Would you listen to a country album from 'Joe the Plumber'?

You know that one dude Samuel "Joe the Plumber" Wurzelbacher (pictured) everyone keeps talking about on TV? He may or may not already be a played-out Halloween costume, but he sure is famous. So famous, in fact, that he's just retained the services of a Nashville-based PR firm, which sent me a press release last night. Said publicity firm has also been quoted as saying that "Joe" is considering launching a country music career. Yep, that's right — "Joe the Plumber" is on the cusp of pulling a Joaquin the Actor. I, Simon the Blogger, am going to refrain from making a hasty judgment on this important matter (as well as from making any further lame "______ the ______er" jokes). So you tell me. Good idea? Bad idea? And wouldn't it make more sense for a plumber to play some good old-fashioned musical pipes than to try and become a country singer?

More on politics as entertainment:
Barack Obama swings by The Daily Show
PopWatch finds out what Synchronized Presidential Debates look like
Ron Howard's campaign video

Free Annie Barrett...or not?

'Eleventh Hour' premiere: 'Fringe' For Dummies

One of the worst things you can call a TV show is "inoffensive." It's the equivalent of telling someone that you just want to be friends: "You're not horrible enough that I need to ban you from my life, but you offer nothing that I can't get somewhere else, so I'll just see you when I see you." Eleventh Hour — CBS' latest procedural, imported from Britain — is inoffensive.

The show revolves around Dr. Jacob Hood (A Knight's Tale's Rufus Sewell) who, in the premiere, identified himself as a special science advisor to the FBI, then added, "I was appointed to investigate crimes and crisis of a scientific nature." You'd think that Sewell's warm bath of a voice could make any line of TV dialogue work, but no, it just emphasizes how much bad writing is beneath him. Dr. Hood is partnered with Special Agent Rachel Young (Sugar & Spice's Marley Shelton), whose job it is to protect the biophysicist from the people he pisses off in the course of solving cases. This means he carries a panic button with him that he can, oops!, accidentally sit on late at night and summon her to the hotel bar, gun drawn, when she's wearing a short white robe that's open just enough to remind us that underneath those pant suits, she wears a sexy black bra. Puh-lease. I suppose we should be happy that the producers opted for that kind of humiliation instead of a pratfall to make her seem vulnerable to the audience. Having a woman be the muscle in a partnership is cool — don't blow it! Keep her balls-to-the-wall (as when a stranger offered to buy her a drink and she responded, "Before you disturb me, you should know I’m filling out this paperwork because I shot at a man today." Why? "Because he disturbed me").

There's a reason I'm three paragraphs in and I'm just now getting to the crime in this episode — it was kinda boring, even though it involved human cloning. After 19 (!) dead fetuses were found in Seattle, it was finally time to bring in Hood, who was apparently the first person to think about doing DNA testing. (Note: The local detective was played by Buffy the Vampire Slayer's Riley, Marc Blucas, who should really cut his hair.) Hood determined that they were clones, and, set out to find the person pulling the strings — someone with the codename Geppetto. That was so supposed to be clever, but it made me groan. Even more so after Young said she never understood Geppetto — a woodcarver wants a son so badly that he makes one, Pinocchio...what is there not to understand? Her musings, however, made Hood realize that Geppetto would be commissioned by a billionaire parent who'd lost a child, and he took Young to a library to sit and look through hard copies of local newspapers from 2005. Wouldn't a computer have been quicker? Of course, Hood found the dad (Michael O'Keefe) and had a heart-to-heart that revealed something about himself: his wife died two years ago, and not a day goes by that he doesn't want her back. The tears in Sewell's eyes made me wish he was on a better show. Like, The Mentalist. In the end, Hood saved the mother who was carrying the 20th ill-fated fetus, but Geppetto got away. Do we want Geppetto to be the villain that returns every Sweeps period? Eh. (Insert shoulder shrug.) A better question: Do you want this series to last until November?

More on Eleventh Hour:
EW's official review
EW's Fall TV preview

What's the worst thing Eric Cartman has ever done?

The Cult of Cartman DVD, featuring 12 South Park episodes with Eric at his best worst, hits shelves today. The Archie Bunker incarnate introduces each episode by summarizing the "life lesson" it teaches. (See the one for "Cartoon Wars Part II" below.)

Which episode represents Cartman at his absolute best worst? Vote in the poll after the jump (and click here if you need a South Park episode guide to refresh your memory). If your pick didn't make the DVD, do a write-in the comments section.

PopWatch Quote of the Day: 'The Silence of the Lambs' Edition

"It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again. Yes it will, Precious, it will get the hose." --Jame Gumb/"Buffalo Bill" (Ted Levine), The Silence of the Lambs

About that thing that happened on 'Bones' this week

Don't worry, spoiler-phobes. We won't start the discussion until after the jump...

Live-blogging E!'s Emmy red-carpet pre-show!

Here it is, PopWatchers! The 2008 Emmys pre-show live blog, brought to you by Michael Slezak, Mandi Bierly, Chad Schlegel, and Couture Correspondent™ Meeta Agrawal. Enjoy!

Slezak: Alrighty guys, it's 7 p.m., which means we can no longer turn away from the red-carpet heinoustries happening on E! (I saw Ryan Seacrest asking Steve Carell about "enlarged balls" during hour 1 of the telecast, and thus I placed this item under "The Bad Man Scares Me"). On the count of three, let's unmute our televisions and let the mockery begin!

Mandi: Jennifer Love Hewitt says the Ghost Whisperer set is haunted. One of the spirits must have given her a spray tan when she was sleeping in her trailer.

Slezak: Dana Delany is going to drink after the Emmys. Which means it's okay for me to have some wine right now, yes?

Chad: I'm waaay ahead of you.

Slezak: Also, her dress is made from the walls of Studio 54 "vintage from Lily et Cie."

Slezak: Giuliana would not be doing her job if she didn't ask about a SATC sequel. Or make mindless comments about handbags.

Mandi: There is clearly no one on the carpet if we're seeing J. Love AGAIN.

Slezak: I just heard Cynthia Nixon use the phrase "rediscover the joy in her life." I don't care for that.

Mandi: Patrick Dempsey just used the phrase "right on." I like that.

'Supernatural' season premiere: Back from hell

What in the name of God is happening with the Winchester boys?  After Supernatural's doozy of a cliff-hanger -- Dean cast into the pit -- I settled in last night for the CW series' fourth-season kickoff*, primed to see Dean restored, some brotherly badinage, demon slayage. Instead, we got a grand mishegoss of secrets, lies, and a concluding theological debate-puzzle that would tax Locke/Jeremy Bentham over on Lost. Perhaps the ep's title, “Lazarus Rising," should have clued me in that things were going biblical.

Let me try to recap. Dean (Jensen Ackles) claws his way out of a coffin and wanders into a gas station deserted but conveniently stocked with bottled water, porn, and a newspaper bearing today's date. Realizing four months have passed, he hotwires a car and tracks down Bobby (Jim Beaver) and then Sam (Jared Padalecki)... who welcome him with less than open arms. After knife fighting and holy-water dousing, the three set off to uncover Dean's mystery liberator, enlisting the help of a hot, tattooed, Ramones-shirted psychic (Traci Dinwiddie). Following a disastrous séance -- Ms. Clairvoyant loses both her Dean-fixated eyeballs -- and a greasy-spoon tête-à-tête with a demon waitress, Sam and Dean sneak off separately: Sam to wallop the waitress-from-hell and confer with erstwhile helpmate Ruby; Dean and Bobby to summon the eye-melting angel Castiel.

Best 'buried alive!' scenes

Yesterday, I received a press release about escape artist Curtis Lovell II planning to be buried alive onstage in Grand Terrace, Calif.'s Pico Park on Halloween, and I got to wondering: What are the best buried alive scenes?

Rewatching this clip of Nick Stokes (George Eads) being rescued in CSI's Quentin Tarantino-directed fifth season finale made me whimper just now.

What scenes still haunt you Buffy and Bones fans? Movies are eligible, too.

'The Hills' duo Spencer and Heidi: Just as ridiculous in person!

Russell Brand was certainly outspoken during Sunday's VMAs, but before he even hit the stage, another polarizing force — The Hills' flagrant fameosexuals Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag — hit the red carpet, and I was one of the lucky reporters who got to chat with them. Lucky, of course, being a relative term — as the weekly Hills' TV Watch writer here on EW.com, there was no way I was going to pass up the opportunity to meet the couple I (and plenty of you) enjoy bashing on a weekly basis!

Our exchange pretty much speaks for itself in terms of who wears the pants in the relationship (Spencer), and who talks only when allowed to (Heidi):

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: Who are you guys excited to see tonight?
SPENCER: Well, Heidi just had a bump-in with Rihanna. Rihanna was very sweet, so we’re now huge fans.
EW: Was she a fan?
HEIDI: [Barely moving lips.] She was so nice!
S: She called Heidi gorgeous. So Heidi’s very excited.
EW: [Ignoring blatant attempt to get me to confirm theory of Heidi's beauty.] What do you think about all of the hype surrounding Britney?
S: The girl is brilliant.
EW: Why do you say that?
S: Because that’s all anyone talks about.
EW: Do you take your cues from her?
S: [Laughs ominiously.] No. I still have all of my hair and I’m sober today.
EW: And your full beard makes you a better person, how? Last year, Kanye said he was never going to perform again at the VMAs...
S: And here he is.
EW: What do you think about that?
S: I’m not going to player-hate, man.
Heidi: I think good for him for coming back.
S: They probably gave him some incentives, you know.
EW: You think so? Is that the way the business works?
S: That’s how it would work if I was Kanye.

And there you have it, Popwatchers, an exclusive look at a one-on-one conversation with the most hated (and probably proud of it) couple on television. If you guys got the chance to interview Spencer and Heidi, what would you ask?

Oasis attacked!

This new report about the U.S. being "dangerously vulnerable" to a terrorist attack may be frightening to American citizens, but British rock stars are also wary this week after a man (identified as Daniel Sullivan from Pickering, Canada) attacked Oasis guitarist Noel Gallagher at a show in Toronto on Sunday. Sullivan (also identified as drunk) burst onto the stage while the band performed "Morning Glory" and shoved Gallagher into a monitor, fracturing his ribcage and tearing some ligaments. Now, I may not be an expert, but I've had a brush or two myself with drunken lunacy, and I have to say, I'm a bit surprised the guy targeted Noel rather than his brother, vocalist Liam. For one, Noel is wielding a relatively heavy guitar he can use to retaliate if your inebriated shove is off the mark and leaves him on his feet -- Liam simply has a mic stand. Also, Liam is the more obnoxious of the two brothers (I'll never forget the Oasis MTV Unplugged performance when he sat in the stands pouting while the band played the set with Noel taking over vocal duties) and a more satisfying target for public humiliation, though certainly not deserving of the serious injuries Noel suffered. Turns out, Liam did a fine job of humiliating himself in the incident anyway, thanks to a video of his cowering until security fully apprehended the attacker, and only then stepping up tentatively, his fist cocked back in a "Why I oughtta" type pose. At any rate, we certainly hope Noel gets better soon and that his brother doesn't kick him out of the band for taking time off to heal.

'Fringe' sent Joshua Jackson to the ER — awesome!

Joshua Jackson returns to TV tonight with the premiere of J.J. Abrams' Fringe (Fox, 8 p.m. ET). Last month, I stole a few moments with Jackson at his photo shoot for EW's Fall TV Preview issue — read Doc Jensen's piece on the X-Files-esque drama here — and found out why he was drawn to the role of a man described as a "massive pain in the ass" in the pilot; what scene in a later episode sent him to the emergency room; and how much he reminds me of a mini-Clooney.* Watch the video below.

* Charming things you won't see him do in the video, because our camera wasn't rolling:

1) Model the pair of purple satin shoes that a delusional stylist brought to the shoot for him to consider wearing.

2) Tell his publicist that he didn't know what kind of caffeine there was left to put in his body, so yes, it was time to move on to beer for his next photo shoot (his fourth and final of that Sunday).

3) Sit down on a couch beside me after I patted the seat. Reluctantly share that he was exhausted from an 80-hour work week and that he had a 7 a.m. call time the next morning. Check the messages on his cell phone, shout F---! repeatedly, and explain that his call time had just been moved up an hour.

4) Walk across the room to say goodbye to our four-person video crew and shake our hands again before he left.

For more with Jackson — and to watch Michael Ausiello grill Abrams about Lost at the Fringe premiere party — catch the latest episode of Ausiello TV. 

For EW.com's Comic-Con conversation with Fringe's stars, click here.

For more Fall TV coverage, head here. Fun!

HBO's 'True Blood': What did you think?

As a huge fan of Six Feet Under, there was no way I was going to miss creator Alan Ball's return to TV (and specifically, HBO) with last night's premiere of True Blood. (Read Ken Tucker's official EW review of the show here; for the record, he gives it a C.) And that "God Hates Fangs" billboard in the opening credits gave me hope that the show might be able to mix a little of that patented SFU-style humor into the vampires-among-us plotline (taken from Charlaine Harris's series of novels). Alas, however, while the pilot episode did a decent job of  holding my attention -- and while I'll definitely tune in again next week to see if the show improves -- True Blood succeeded only intermittently in providing biting laughs while still going for the dramatic jugular.

(I now take a brief pause to apologize for my overzealous vampire jokes. I totally suck.)

On the plus side, Anna Paquin (pictured, left), looking like a Vargas Waitress in her tight white t-shirt, clingy black short-shorts, and magnificent ponytail, succeeded in making Sookie Stackhouse a thing of wide-eyed sass. I chuckled heartily when she batted down her Grandmother's request to ask her new vampire acquaintance to give a presentation about his Civil War experiences by explaining: "I think he might have a hard time showing up to the public library at noon on a Thursday." I also liked her bitchin' use of a tire chain to take down that unsuspecting goon who attacked her would-be paramour.

'Top Model' premiere: Choose your drinking game

They're baaaa-aaaack...Quick! Starting at 8 p.m. EST, decide which bold-faced declaration describes your current esophageal condition, then start drinking every time...

I'M NOT THIRSTY
*Jay Manuel wears something that is not blindingly, garishly metallic
*You wonder whatever happened to Twiggy
*A model uses a complete sentence

I'M DEHYDRATED
*Alaska Girl rattles off another item she didn't have while growing up
*Photos of Tyra -- real or superimposed -- appear, anywhere
*A huge earring weighs a model's noggin way too far to one side during a confessional
*The group squeals in unison at something worthless

I WANNA GET HAMMERED
*Tyra mentions herself

SPOILER ALERT: You may wish to mix your liquor with Tang. Oh, hell no! Discuss the premiere here tonight, then come back for Mandi Bierly's most excellent TV Watch in the morning!

Nightstand Inspection: What was your last book impulse purchase?

To me, one of the great joys in life is picking up a trashy thriller at the airport and channeling any flight/travel anxiety into said book. During a recent vacation, and with only a few minutes left before boarding, I popped into the airport newsstand, where a big red sticker on the cover of a Brian Freeman's Stalked caught my eye: "As good as MICHAEL CONNELLY or your money back," it blared, and my mind was made up. So what if I've never actually read a book by Michael Connelly? I mean, dude's name was in ALL CAPS, and hello, who doesn't love a money-back guarantee? The good news is, Stalked did the trick: Moved along at a rapid pace, scared the tarmac out of me, and never once forced me to think deeply (an activity that's strictly verboten during vacation travel).

This got me wondering: What was your most recent book impulse buy, what factors actually prompted you to part with your hard-earned cash, and most importantly, were you satisfied with your purchase? Spill the beans, PopWatchers!