Last night's Daily Show with Jon Stewart was one of its most femme-y episodes to date, with segments from both of the show's lady correspondents, Samantha Bee and Kristen Schaal. Kristen's interview, which covered the possible burka ban in France, quite reasonably led to her seductively licking mayonnaise off of a spoon. She is officially my Fourth of July Weekend hero. Watch and learn...how to become an empowered woman.
She committed way harder to that mayo than Stewart himself committed to the pancake-wrapped sausage dipped in Baconnaise, don't you think? All he did was spit it out! Unacceptable.
Just when I was thinking "There is absolutely nothing ugly about that ubiquitous Ugly Truth TV promo, and we would all be lucky to remotely resemble Katherine Heigl in casualwear let alone a slinky black dress," in rides Katherine Heigl's series of not quite gorgeous but very realistic 'O' faces, as triggered by a delighted, preteen boy. I should clarify: The preteen boy is operating her turbo-charged vibrating briefs, which Heigl's character has obviously chosen to wear during an important dinner. Don't get her wrong -- she's not usually such a "sexual deviant." (Boo!) Heigl's great at faking it here, though I hope for her sake that she got to make actual use of the prop. Did I really just say that? Check out the NSFW scene below, in a clip from ComingSoon.net (And there's a really annoying 30-second commercial before the clip begins, but just turn the volume down and use that time to embrace July by thinking about ice cream.)
The IMDB page for Steven Soderbergh's next film says it's called The Informant. But its new trailer enthusiastically insists it's called The Informant! instead. That's weird. That's weird! It was going to be a drama. Now it's a comedy! Matt Damon plays a top executive for Archer Daniels Midland who is wildly unsuited to perform any task that requires even a shred of stealth.
EXCLAMATION [BULLET] POINTS RE: 'THE INFORMANT!' TRAILER
I could use some more closeups of corn on the cob!
Joel McHale can rock some shellacked Mad Men hair!
But the film actually takes place in the early '90s and is based on this 2000 book!
As if Tony Hale weren't enough to quell our daily Arrested Development craving, Damon's character's tendency to needlessly narrate his experience reminds us of Larry Mittleman, "The Surrogate"!
Stupid exclamation points make it seem like I'm mocking the movie but it actually looks pretty good.
Go ahead and exclaim your own thoughts about the trailer!
For purely visual reasons, Ernie's quest for the perfect chocolate, strawberry, peach, vanilla, banana, pistachio, peppermint, lemon, orange, and butterscotch ice cream cone is still one of my favorite Sesame Street skits, even though I don't usually condone the mixing of fruit and dairy.
Still. stop whining, Ernie! You're about to eat 10 scoops of ice cream that miraculously haven't toppled to the floor. Mr. Bluman didn't mess up your order at all. It's not the world's job to cater to your ridiculous whims. Time to embrace an alternate perspective, man. C'mon, don't be a tool.
Whoa, what just happened? I blacked out. Time for ice cream.
Lifetime's new promo for Project Runway features boatloads of Regular Folk superfans (they're just like us!) affirming one of life's most essential truths: We love Project Runway and would like it to just return already. August can't come soon enough. Not watching The Fashion Show is taking a lot out of us.
Hey, does anyone else go around imitating Tim Gunn by chirping "This worries me" instead of "This concerns me"? I've been doing it wrong. This worries me. But I'm not too concerned about it. "Good moan-ing, design-uhs!"
ABC's revival of The Superstars premiered last week, and it's on again tonight at 8 p.m. ET. Maksim Chmerkovskiy, who dabbles in both ballroom dancing and dropping by our office, is currently in first place with his partner, freeskiing star Kristi Leskinen. (He's the "celebrity" and she's the "athlete," which must really boil his blood, so it's a good thing he's in the water.) I watched the premiere out of devotion to my fake DWTS boyfriend, assuming it'd be incredibly lame. The whole thing is basically an advertisement for Atlantis Resort and Casino disguised as a giant obstacle course, so it's already ridiculous just on principle. And it is pretty dumb, to be honest, but in a totally benign, Wipeout-y kind of way -- so stupid it's oddly calming. At one point, I realized I was willingly spending my life watching 16 random people "white water raft" down a man-made lazy river and thought to myself, "Why would you do this?" But maybe a better question, especially during these troubled times, is "Why wouldn't you do this?" After all, silly self, it's Maks. [BIG SPLASH.]
Anyone else tuning in to Superstars tonight? Joanna Krupa and Terrell Owens are back because Jennifer Capriati got injured, so maybe Joanna can completely wig out on T.O. again for being too big and slow to navigate his behemoth body through a complicated barricade. Just be sure to hit mute whenever Ali Landry appears on-screen. God, her voice is annoying.
I'm not doing a great job selling this show, huh? Should've just left it at "I mean why not?"
ABC Family has a crazy new gymnastics series called Make It Or Break It. On the second episode, which aired last night, Payson (the blonde) and Emily ("some indie aging Hannah Montana type," according to her hot Pizza Shack coworker, who gives me a Christian-from-Clueless vibe but less gay) thwarted a group of scary gas station hecklers merely by tumbling towards them. It's officially ABC Family's best action scene in recent history...unless you're partial to the recent sorority dodgeball showdown on Greek.
Anyone else watching Make It Or Break It? Candace Cameron Bure (TV's Deej) plays the brattiest gymnast's dad's girlfriend, and Peri Gilpin (Roz from Frasier) is another girl's mom. And Payson practices her arm flourishes -- complete with "I'm so jazzed" facial expressions -- while lying in bed. I do believe you may need to tune in.
"I used to feed my sister in her sleep so she wouldn't get skinnier than me." --Veronica (Portia de Rossi), on Better Off Ted. (New episode tonight, 9:30 ET on ABC)
I used to be ambivalent toward The September Issue, R.J. Cutler's documentary chronicling scary robot Anna Wintour as she gnaws her way through the hearts and souls of the humans involved with Vogue's September 2008 issue. But the ample use of Ladytron's "Destroy Everything You Touch" in the film's theatrical trailer has changed all of that. What the hell? I suddenly do care about Anna Wintour. I want to hear more constructive criticism like "this type seems so large and pretentious, it looks like it's for blind people" fly out of her mouth. And frankly, I do need to know what we we are supposed to do with feathers this fall. Which I guess means last fall. Unless she was referring to Dancing With the Stars, I have no idea what was done with feathers last fall. I obviously need to see this movie.
The doc will show in limited release on September 11, more than two years after The Devil Wears Prada came out. Do you care, or would you rather take a cue from Wintour and tell PopWatch with a cold, unfeeling stare, "The other things you showed us are more exciting"? Oh, go ahead.
At the risk of sounding completely insane today instead of my typical "partially," I'm convinced that the kid in the backseat of AT&T's new Family Plan commercial was cast solely because his voice sounds exactly like Michael Cera's. Listen and learn.
Well, "learn" was the wrong word. But it's worth asking: Has Michael Cera -- or Michael Cera's high-pitched, uneasy voice -- become his/its own genre at this point? I'm noticing more and more that certain products incorporate a certain offbeat "type" to sell things. In the latest Verizon/LG commercial, I get a distinctive Clark Duke or possibly Jonah Hill vibe from the sloppy-looking, sarcastic guy who claims "I would never use that stuff!" but is secretly jonesing for a new enV cell phone so he can start using all the cool apps ASAP and become a Twitter tool like his two gushing friends. I suppose if you can't have a T Mobile-shilling Catherine Zeta-Jones show up at the potential customer's doorstep, a surrogate voice-alike or act-alike is the next best thing. It's refreshing, actually, to see more relatable people on-screen than the perfect, plasticine 'bots we're used to.
Maybe I just watched too much* Arrested Development on DVD this weekend and am all George Michael'ed out.
