Keith Richards: (I Can't Get No) Sinus Fiction

crestor statins Wed, Jun 27, 2007 at 11:23 AM EST

O governo estuda a proposta de criacao da idade minima de 67 anos para homens e mulheres se aposentarem pelo INSS

Pete Sat, Apr 7, 2007 at 01:11 AM EST

now people are saying it was a joke, but i dont buy it. dude is a mess. rumor has it he drains his blood periodically to stay alive

check it out

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PkDZsqc68Mo

furry_Snuffleupagus Thu, Apr 5, 2007 at 03:31 PM EST

I used to be a heroin addict, now I'm a methadone addict.

Count Von Count Thu, Apr 5, 2007 at 02:47 PM EST

Well, since my fellow muppets are checking in, I might as well take this opportunity to make a special announcement.

I want you all to know that I am the one that negotiated with the Iranian government for the release of the British Sailors and Marines.

One! One British Marine! Muahaha! Two! Two Hairy British Marines! Muahaha! Three! Three Happy British Marines! Muahaha!

I will stop at three. You get the idea...

Stephanie Travitsky Thu, Apr 5, 2007 at 12:11 PM EST

Thanks EP. It's a family thing I guess. With humor creativity is key. Like a couple of days ago I was watching Criminal Investigation. There was a scene where a bunch of deaf college students were protesting a doctors office located in a brownstone home. I said to my dad, "so they are protesting the Huxtable residence?" If you remember Cliff Huxtable had his office on the bottom floor of his home. Thanks for the encouragement. You rock too.

furry_tom Thu, Apr 5, 2007 at 11:11 AM EST

Thanks Ep, that means a lot because I always look forward to your posts. Plus Daisyj (that girl is wicked smart), Stephanie Travitsky and Phantom and his 50 different aliases.

Tim Thu, Apr 5, 2007 at 08:08 AM EST

Snorting dear old dad was part of Keith's pact with the devil to live forever.

jenjen Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 09:23 PM EST

Keith, there's nothing left!!!! You've snorted it all!!!!!!

Jill Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 07:53 PM EST

Is my moral compass off if I am more offended by Cookie Monster eating celery than Keith Richards snorting his pop?

Stephanie Travitsky Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 04:47 PM EST

PRAIRIE DAWN HAS BEEN EXPOSED AS ERNIE IN DRAG! AHHH!

EP Sato Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 04:35 PM EST

Prairie Dawn was cheating on the Count!

http://www.bertisevil.tv/img/bert3.gif

BTW, Cookie Monster is my favorite EW reader, right after Furry_Tom and Stephanie Travitsky. Thanks for the awesome posts, they helped me through the day :)

Rose Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 04:08 PM EST

Stephanie: "Tickle Me Elmo has been exposed as a vibrator"

At last I understand why those ugly little troll dolls are so popular! Gotta go, I'm on my way to Toys R Us now.

Stephanie Travitsky Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 03:42 PM EST

Tickle Me Elmo has been exposed as a vibrator, and Count Von Count admited that every time he counted on television, Prarie Dawn was giving him an "Oral dissertation". Come on. lol!

Cookie Monster Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 03:23 PM EST

For those of you that care, right after that heinous video of Kermit surfaced, he checked himself into rehab.

He is presently 17 days clean and dating LaKisha from American Idol. Much like OJ continuing to date blondes after he killed Nicole...

More info on the gang. Bert and Ernie were married at a ceremony is Boston last Summer.

Also, we found out that Harry Monster is a narc - he has been the one ratting me out to the man.

Subsequently, he was last seen being stuffed into Oscar's trash can - unconcious.

Ron Mexico Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 03:15 PM EST

You know, furry_tom, I have never even come close to doing anything that would get me on that show.

Still, when I came home from work the other day, my wife was in the shower, and she yelled down to me that there were toll house cookies and sweet tea on the counter for me.

And ran out of my own house like my butt was on fire...

studiorat Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 02:33 PM EST

I just heard that he was joking. (Oh those Brits) Honestly, I was about as surprised to hear this as I was surprised to hear that Anna Nicole died of a drug overdose. Is this news people? The British sailors were just released...

furry_tom Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 02:31 PM EST

RE: But I won't get us off topic by making funnies.
Ron, don't make me report you to Chris Hansen.
Can you show me on the doll where her MySpace is?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKUkwh8TmM0

Cookie Monster Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 02:19 PM EST

And another thing. I didn't really appreciate EW broadcasting that video of my friend Kermit last week. That was a private video meant for just us muppets.

He's going through a hard time right now, and the best all of you could do is make fun of that incident with Rowlf. How dare you!

Damn you! Damn you all!

EP Sato Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 02:18 PM EST

PS: Cookie Monster, you put a smile on my face big enough to fit a half dozen jumbo sized Tollhouse chocolate chip cookies! LOL

EP Sato Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 02:14 PM EST

Touché. While drugs haven't killed the man, they turned his brain into a fine mash. And while Richards outlasts pretty much everyone on the planet, he could be a healthy man at his age instead of a living skeleton.

Lord help me for this, but I find still alive ex-druggies to be entertaining. They are proof that it's possible to treat your body like a junkyard and still make it past age 60. They are also good reminders of why it's probably not the best idea to try drugs in the first place.

And on the serious tip, no offense was meant to anyone. I'm sure most folks making drug jokes are trying to make light of the goofy side to drugs, and aren't actually endorsing the use of harmful substances.

daisyj Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 02:14 PM EST

Really, I think we should be thanking Mr. Richards, among others for being walking PSAs against drug abuse. Seriously, kids, Just Say No No, Oh Dear God Please No:
http://www.shampoo.ca/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2006/03/eddie-van-halen.jpg

Gotta go; there's a giant yellow bird at my door with a subpoena.

Cookie Monster Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 02:10 PM EST

Look, Ep, let's you and I get a little something straight. I am in a bit of a legal matter with the Sesame Street people, and your speculation about my personal life is only going to hurt my case.

You want the truth, Ep. FINE! In 1999, I checked into Promises to battle my well-publicized, life-long addiction to Chips Ahoy. While there, I did meet Mr. Richards, and we hit it off famously. We still keep in touch, but it has been awhile.

Happy, Ep? Do you like dragging my good name through the gutter like that? Can't a monster just get a break, for Christ's sake!

I need to call my support group now. Where did I put Elmo's number?

Stephanie Travitsky Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 01:54 PM EST

EP,

Richards out lived Jerry Garcia as well as other exessive drug users from the 60's-70's and sounds as incomprehensable as Zoot, and Floyd from The Muppets. He is a living joke so I am not surprised that he said this. I think that it is shameful that he would say something as awful as "I snorted my dad's ashes" but he does not even know that the property of a graduated cylinder is volume...no that's too difficult...he has to write down how to tie his shoes.

kc Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 01:38 PM EST

didn't they do this in an episode of Six Feet Under?

jilly Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 01:37 PM EST

Ep Sato---well said. Gotta poke a little fun at a 63-year-old who looks 90. And who has ALWAYS been known for his hard-livin' ways.

Ep sato Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 01:17 PM EST

Who's dead? Keith Richards' dad? I don't think anyone's insulted or disparaged the man at all. Richards himself's gotten made fun of, but he's famous and living. Those are the only two qualifications needed for a ribbing here.

And if you don't find it funny that a heroin user/pothead/lush would outlive a fitness guru, then your humor circuit could use with some debugging.

Rose Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 01:15 PM EST

They've taken the cookies away from the Cookie Monster??? Noooooooo! And they've replaced it with celery? Oh the humanity! Has there been a "very special episode" of Fat Albert where he's diagnosed with diabetes and his doctor lectures him about all the serious health conditions associated with obesity?

I think I would find it less offensive if the Cookie Monster said "C is for Coke, which sometimes Keith Richards snorts up with his dead daddy's ashes, boys and girls!"

moi Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 01:06 PM EST

Some of you are disgusting. This is a human beings remains we're talking about here. Even if this story is a load of hooey, some respect for the dead please!

furry_tom Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 01:01 PM EST

I heard about that. I don't know if they've gotten rid of him completely, but he started saying things like, "C could also stand for celery." And then eating a lot of celery, like that's going to fool the kids into thinking that celery tastes good.

Rose Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 12:59 PM EST

Ron Mexico, you make an interesting point. There really isn't a lot to say about this except "Well, yeah, that's Keith Richards!" This is actually making headlines in the news today. Why? It's a dog-bites-man story..ya know what I mean? Nothing too new here.

I was a little surprised by the judgemental, anti-drug posts. Not because I'm pro-drug, but, like, hey, this is Keith Richards. Lecturing him about the evils of drugs is a little like lecturing a serial killer on why it's really not nice to kill people. You can do it - but what's the point?

Ep sato Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 12:56 PM EST

I had read somewhere that the cookie monster had either been phased out or was now eating healthier foods. Apparently, he was setting a bad example for the kids by making them want to eat cookies all the time.

Maybe a very special episode of Sesame Street could feature cookie monster in cookie rehab, with special guest stars Keith Richards and the hamburglar offering advice on how to stay on the wagon.

Cookie Monster Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 12:46 PM EST

daisyj, my attorney will be contacting you shortly regarding this matter of you hijacking my theme song and twisting it into a drug reference.

His name is Oscar, and he is NOT a very happy individual.

Ron Mexico Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 12:44 PM EST

Leave it to Steph to bring some levity to the discussion. Seriously, is anyone really offended if he actually did this? I'm not. When I heard about it on the radio this morning, I was neither shocked nor offended. I simply thought, "Yeah, well, that's Keith."

No need for apologies, furry_tom.

The twelve-year-old girl thing was pretty funny. It begs for double entendres and jokes like a hanging curve ball begs to get hit out of Coors Field.

But I won't get us off topic by making funnies.

furry_tom Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 12:38 PM EST

C'mon. Everyone knows C is for cookie. Keith should've baked the ashes up in some pot brownies.

daisyj Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 12:34 PM EST

See, this is what happens when your three remaining neurons no longer have contact with each other.
"Hey look, a powder... I think I was supposed to do something with this... Spread... at sea... C... C is for cocaine... that's good enough for me!"
*snort*

Stephanie Travitsky Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 12:20 PM EST

This is a guy who fell out of a tree ladies and gentlemen. He is a fine guitarist, but you can be a rocket scientist and have absolutley no common sense what so ever. He probably was joking or just in a drunken stooper at the time of the interview.

furry_tom Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 12:19 PM EST

I didn't mean to lay it all on you Ron, but I'd have felt uncomfortable asking that Nancy girl for favors since I don't even know her. (If you can really know a person on the internet. For example, did you know that I'm really a twelve-year old girl named Susan?)

Ep sato Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 12:14 PM EST

Has anyone heard of someone doing this for real? I've heard plenty of jokes and urban legends, but no one's ever said to me "dude, after joey died, we dried out his ashes and snorted them like Naomi Campbell".

Ron, that comedian was referring to some recently died fitness guru and contrasted him to Mr. "pot growing out of his ears" Richards. It was pretty funny.

Finally, it's good to know Richards is doing this sort of family friendly publicity a few months before the Pirates of the Carribean 3 release date.

furry_tom Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 12:02 PM EST

FLGrl, I have a feeling your kids are going to be very disturbed when they read your will. ; )

FLGrl Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 11:57 AM EST

I think it would be a respectful way for Keith to pay tribute to/internalize his father. I wouldn't be surprised if it were true or a joke.

Ron Mexico Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 11:15 AM EST

Yes, I got carried away with myself yesterday. I tend to take things personally, especially when people come at me personally. I'm going to throttle back a bit today. Peace and love to all!

Ron Mexico Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 11:13 AM EST

AHHHHH! He posted while I was writing still. Fair enough! Should get better now, Rose!

Ron Mexico Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 11:12 AM EST

Some comedian back in the late 80's said, "The only two species to survive a nuclear holocaust will be cockroaches and Keith Richards".

As a society, we reached our peak with the Keith Richards jokes. That's probably why the thread isn't funnier, Rose. Personally, I can't do any better than that.

Maybe it will take furry_tom to liven things up. Where is that guy?

furry_tom Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 11:08 AM EST

At least he didn't take him as a suppository.
(Is that something along the lines of what you're looking for Ron? But seriously, you've got to stop flaming people on the other boards. It's leaking over into the boards I do want to view the comments on and it makes for really tedious reading).

Rose Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 11:01 AM EST

Given the subject matter, why isn't this thread funnier?

Desiree Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 10:59 AM EST

I love the joke about Keith Richards. This is the first time I have heard of it. Jilly is right, it is too late for him. His looks are gone and he can thank his gross drug habit for it. So he only has himself to blame. I think it is sad that he never got any help to help him quit. I don't mean a short stint in rehab, he needed continual help until his desire would not be as strong as his resolve to stay off the junk for good. I can just imagine the misery and pain his habit was to the ones who love him.

Joe C Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 10:49 AM EST

If I could ever believe that about anybody, it would be Keith Richards. Remember the old joke: If Keith Richards died, how would we know?

Not Again Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 10:42 AM EST

What is your obsession with the question marks? And, if I had made that comment, I would own up to it.

Do you have anything to add to this board, Nancy, or do you just plan on insulting me personally all day long?

I'm thinking that the others posting here might grow tired of that...

Jason Bonkers Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 10:41 AM EST

Anyone who is fascinated by someone's drug use is foolish.

jilly Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 10:40 AM EST

Why grow up? He's made a career with his reputation so why stop now? Plus I think it's too late to grow up when you're 63!

I like the mummified description. How true.

PS Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 10:36 AM EST

Keith Richards looks mumified. No one is surprised to hear of his drug use. It is sad that he does not realize he needs to grow up.

Nancy Walker Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 10:32 AM EST

You could have kept the question marks. It really does not make any difference. You are a horse's rear-end no matter what name you use.

Rose Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 10:29 AM EST

I think Keith Richards is just being competitive with today's batch of young druggies.

It's like "Yeah, Lindsey Lohan, you can snort and pill pop and drink yourself into a coma with the best of 'em...but have you ever snorted your own dead dad??? No, didn't think so. Sorry, you're just not in my league."

Linds is probably feeling competitive and is arranging a hit on her own father as we speak so that she can keep up!

Not Again Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 10:24 AM EST

Nope. Wasn't me. Jeez, Nancy, what is your rub with me exactly?

Nancy Walker Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 10:22 AM EST

I am in awe of the idiot who typed all these question marks. I know it is you, Not Again. It sure did not take long for you to make your silly mark now, did it?

Nancy Walker Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 10:20 AM EST

This should be a good story for Not Again. He/she is a true fountain of wisdom. Not!

??? Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 10:18 AM EST

"I believe he said for shock-effect. I have known for years he has a problem with alcohol and drugs;this is the reason he looks so beat-down for his age."

blink. blink blink. i am just in awe at this comment.

Ron Mexico Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 10:03 AM EST

Oh my! This story should be a field day for the likes of furry_tom, Stephanie, Ep Sato, and others...

It's going to be a good day, isn't it?

Vivien's Pet Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 10:01 AM EST

They did a similar thing on 'Six Feet Under' where an actress dies of an overdose and all of her friends snort her ashes. The character Claire yells at them when she sees them doing it and says 'They'll be snorting you next!'. It's really a disgusting thing to do.

Ep sato Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 09:56 AM EST

That's an old joke. In Cheech and Chong's "next movie", Chong argues that he should be cremated after death and rolled into a joint at a party so all his friends could smoke him. I doubt the comment was meant to be taken seriously. Besides, there's no buzz in snorting dead people.

Nancy Walker Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 09:24 AM EST

I believe he said for shock-effect. I have known for years he has a problem with alcohol and drugs;this is the reason he looks so beat-down for his age.

Ed Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 09:13 AM EST

I want to take Keith Richards and roll him into a big blunt and smoke him. I'm sure I'd get hi off the residual affects of all the "smoking" he's done.
He'd set the record for biggest joint in the world!

lola Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 08:53 AM EST

I actually watched CSI:Miami last night. It's so bad it's surreal -- and last night didn't even have that much Horatio. I really think it deserves a TV Watch, or at least a Popwatch column.

Oh, and Keith Richards TOTALLY snorted his dad's ashes.

jmg Wed, Apr 4, 2007 at 08:50 AM EST

Actually when I first read the headline I wasn't even shocked. What hasn't Keith Richards done? I still have a hard time believing he is younger than my mom.