HomeOn The Scene: 'Idol' Final 12 Results Night
Mar 16, 2007, 08:35 AM | by Adam B. Vary
Categories: 'American Idol'
Wow, what a difference 90 minutes makes. Whereas I walked out of this week's disappointing two-hour performance show completely drained of all will to live (or, well, at least karaoke again... or, okay, karaoke Diana Ross songs again), the half-hour results show almost felt over before it began — and left me wanting so much more! But, don't worry, I've read your comments and see you're totally diggin' the verbiage, and there's plenty of dish to go around.
First of all, the left side of the stage (at least as seen from Sec. F, Row 6, Seat 14) is so much prettier. You wouldn't think so, but after watching Tuesday's show back on the TiVo, I realized that they pretty much only show the left side of the audience, and no wonder; things do just look better from that angle. So, lesson learned — the lower on the alphabet my ticket, the more spiffed up I've gots to be in case my parents catch me on live TV. (And, believe me, they're lookin' — every time they cut to they audience Tuesday night, my dad apparently paused the TiVo and walked right up to the screen to scan each row for me. Awwww.)
Second, I realized quite quickly that they don't so much change things up for repeat audience members like myself. Same mash-up mixes — "Since You've Been Gone" with "Feel Good Inc." — and, more importantly, the exact same opening routine by Corey the Warm Up comic. To the second. So, dear readers, you will all know I have nothing much to say if I spend one of these entries recreating this routine for you in blog form, because I daresay by week three or so I'm going to know it all by heart.
Third, before we get to the show itself, I gots to give a major shout out to EW.com Judging the Judges panelist Anthony Fedorov, who was in the house (with a much better seat) Wed. night and was just as super-cool and friendly in person as he has been on the phone over these past four weeks. Also spotted: season 5-ers Paris Bennett and Lisa Tucker (whose still-stunning mother got warm hellos from all three judges, by the by), and Fox star Michael Rapaport, whose attempt to remain inconspicuous by not standing as the judges entered the studio was thwarted when Randy made a point of stopping to say hi on the way in. Not sure if you were more embarrassed about passive-aggressively pimping your sitcom on Idol, Michael, or the fact that your sitcom is The War at Home, but either way you are sooooo busted!
Now, the show. I haven't had a chance yet to see how it looked on the TV, but, man, was that group number awkward to watch live. The aforementioned smaller-than-my-high-school-auditorium stage just doesn't really accommodate 12 performers all that easily. And since Slezak didn't note it in his write-up, let me just say that pairing Kiki and Sanjaya together during "Stop in the Name of Love" was, well, hilarious.
As was whatever you want to call the explosion of lace Ms. Diana Ross was trailing behind her during her rendition of "More Today Than Yesterday" — which, by the way, the audience so wasn't feelin'. Slezak's rage at Chris Sligh's "eight note range" comment about Ross is well-documented, but even the Idol stage sound system's penchant for blasting through a singers imperfections couldn't so much hide the Entertainer of the Century's tinny singing. Just reporting the facts as I (unfortunately) hear 'em.
Speaking of Sligh, here's a tip: you'll know the dude wants to give you a hug if he approaches you slowly, arms open, with a "you look like you need this" pout. He did that routine with all three of the bottom three this week — he was the first guy off the bench during the ad break after Brandon and Phil were named to console them, and he was one of the first to snag Sanjaya after Brandon had finished his farewell performance. (More on that in a bit.) The guy just likes to hug.
Which is more than I can say about Kiki — she didn't seem to want to do much of anything, really. Lemme 'splain. If you'll recall, the bench order, after Phil and Brandon were pulled into the circle of shame, was as follows, left to right:
Top row: Sligh; Stephanie; Blake; Sanjaya; Haley
Bottom row: Mindy Doo; Chris R.; Jordin; Gina; Kiki
I point this out because an interesting social phenomenon occurred on those benches after Diana Ross left the stage and the cameras were off: On the left side, the cool kids; on the right, the outcasts. To wit: Sligh, Stephanie and Blake smiled and laughed and shared inside jokes while Sanjaya and Haley fought a losing battle with their "I just want to throw up" expressions as they awaited to hear their bottom-three fate. Meanwhile, on the bottom row, Mindy Doo went all faint on top of Chris R., fanning herself after Diana Ross' not-so-subtle attempt to get her to sing along. Jordin quickly played along and also fanned Mindy Doo, who then said something that caused Jordin and Chris R. to explode in teary-eyed giggles. At which point Jordin was so completely turned to her right that she totally boxed out Gina. So instead, the rocker chick was forced to carry on conversation with a blank-faced, vacant-staring Kiki, a (best guess) transcript of which I have recreated below:
Gina: Congrats on making it this week.
Kiki: [Smiles] Thanks. [Breaks smile. Faces front again.]
[60 seconds pass]
Gina: So, what did you think of Diana?
[5 seconds pass, then Kiki turns back to Gina]
Kiki: Hmm?
Gina: Oh just, I mean, um — what did you think of Diana Ross tonight?
Kiki: She was okay.
Gina: Yeah, I thought...
[Kiki turns back to staring off into the middle-distance.]
Gina: [trails off]...she was a little....Pitchy....Is all.
[90 seconds pass]
Gina: [More to herself] The weather's sure been nice.
Stage manager: Back in 60!
Gina: [Sighs.]
The big surprises of the night, though, came after Brandon was voted out of the show and took to the stage to sing his farewell. Anyone in the audience with an alert ear heard the logo music for 19 Entertainment play before he began, meaning, of course, the cameras were done for the night. Maybe Brandon heard it too, maybe not, but regardless, if the performance he subsequently gave of "Can't Hurry Love" would've been the one we'd seen Tuesday night, then Sanjaya would be flying home this weekend instead of Brandon, guaranteed. The guy probably wouldn't even have been in the bottom three. Not only was he on pitch and on point with all the lyrics, but — with the Top 11 all standing behind him on stage — the guy finally sang like he deserved to be the lead and not just backup. Even his shaky dancing was... er, less shaky. And, by the looks of Blake's and Chris R.'s more-than-just-teary eyes, Brandon'll be missed too. Blake even turned away to compose himself, he seemed so upset.
And this was well after the show was over, too, so there's no way Simon can say that these deep feelings were merely for show. As the weeks go by, Shirley and I will definitely be eagle-eyed about whether the same sentiment is doled out to the next few contestants to walk the Idol green mile. What else would you like us to look for?
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