'Hit the Floor': The 8 craziest things that happened in the season premiere

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Image Credit: Ron Jaffe

Hit the Floor, VH1’s addictive summer sudser centered on the Devil Girls (the dancers for a fictional Los Angeles pro basketball team), has returned for a second season. Here are the eight craziest things that happened in the premiere:

1. Olivia (Charlotte Ross) turned up dead. The final moment of the hour had Oscar breaking ground on a new Hollywood arena and hitting a body with his ceremonial shovel. He could tell it was Olivia from the blonde locks and rock on her hand. Considering how close to the surface the body was buried, I’d say the murderer either a) wanted her to be found or b) had to get rid of the body in a hurry or c) the show didn’t want to blow its budget. Leading suspects would be Oscar, her under-pressure husband, or Jude, Oscar’s son from his first marriage. He’s a junior sports agent and eager to make his father happy any way he can.

2. Jodi Lynn O’Keefe joined the cast as an A-list actress. She seems to be playing a grown-up version of her mean girl character in She’s All That, which is actually kind of perfect. She’s Lionel, the estranged wife of Dean Cain’s Pete. She came to a game to promote her new, Fifty Shades of Grey-esque film, and now Jude wants her at every home game for the press. Once Lionel figured out that Pete is with Raquel — they celebrated her promotion at The Playground by consummating their relationship in Pete’s office — Lionel told Jude she’d consider it if Raquel got fired. My theory: Jude will try to come between Raquel and Pete so Pete will do Jude’s dirty work for him.

3. There’s a new character named Zero. He’s the star player Oscar gave a $30 million contract in hopes that he’ll help bring the team a ring. I’m probably going to hell because I gave this “Jesus with a jumpshot” an eyeroll until Jelena, who suddenly knows her scripture, outed him as a poser and he proved he’s a match for her biting dialogue. Jelena declined his advances until she decided she might be able to make her ex, Terrence, jealous by accepting a date in front of him. I look forward to those sex scenes.

4. Jason Lewis’ character is already gone. Nooo! At first we were told Benny, Kyle’s ex-con husband, was at home in her bed. “I tuckered him out, poor thing. I guess he’s not totally good for nothin’.” And then we learned he’d skipped town because he still owes a loan officer $350,000. The loan officer made Kyle a deal: He got Benny to sign divorce papers and will give them to her after she pays off the debt. He wants to be a team — which apparently means he wants Kyle to use her binder of big fish and start reeling one in for gifts she can exchange for cash. It’ll be nice to see Kyle have a story line, because she gets the best lines. Case in point: Her advice to Ahsha, who wanted to move in with Kyle because she’s afraid of getting too attached to notorious player Derek. “Be careful, because the best advice I ever got was the earliest: Watch where you’re walkin’…after ‘Don’t put that in your mouth.'”

5. Ahsha decided to go all in with Derek and his hot tub. It was clear Derek meant it when he asked Ahsha to move in with him, and was hurt when she didn’t seem to take their relationship seriously. She could lose her job if they’re discovered (though Jelena doesn’t seem at all worried about that “no fraternizing rule,” does she?) — but figuring out what they could have is worth it. It’s also good for the show’s nudity count. Here’s hoping Derek uses that hot tub a lot.

6. Pete hired German. Everyone handled that situation admirably: Ahsha’s ex told Pete he was leaving town, but would kick himself if he didn’t at least ask Pete to look at his scouting reports and forward them along to other teams if he thought they were good. Pete asked Ahsha, his daughter, if she’d be okay with him hiring German himself. Ahsha said she couldn’t stand between German and his dream. Though I still find it tough to believe that Pete would add a gym teacher to his coaching staff, it’s the only way to keep German in the story — and he’s another person Ahsha and Derek will have to hide from.

7. Terrence has a knee injury he’s not telling anyone about. The hot doc (very Nicole Kidman in Days of Thunder) told Terrence that if he doesn’t have surgery — which would bench him for months — he could blow out his knee completely and end his career. With the arrival of Zero, this season is his best chance at a ring, so he’s going for broke. I also find it hard to believe no team trainer is making Pete aware of this problem. But I do like that Jelena thought the doc was dating Terrence when she saw her touch his knee. (I totally called her as a doctor. You?)

8. Jelena tried to use her 10 percent ownership of the Devil Girls to get new director Sloane fired already. 10 percent — how cute. Oscar shut Jelena down, saying Sloane brings good press, which he needs now. Jelena made it clear she’s just waiting for Sloane to screw up — and that she’ll hurt Sloane to make Ahsha suffer (and vice versa). Jelena tearing Ahsha’s all-star poster off the wall and handing it to her was nice: “All-Stars in over. You may have had a win, but not THE win.” But my favorite moment of Jelena bitchery was more subtle: I loved when Sloane told her to join the rest of the girls for her welcome speech and Jelena silently turned to face the girls and stood her ground.

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