Olympics recap, Day 4: Triple Dutch treat, slush doom, speed skating anxiety, Top 5 Pieces of Flair

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Short Track Speed Skating: Men’s 1500m: Is any sport more frustrating to watch (and probably do?) than this one? Forget competing against yourself — the theme of short-track speed skating seems to be “It’s great that you trained your whole life for this, but some other guy wants the inside track, so SEE YA!”

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SORRY!

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And they’re never sorry. It’s just the sport.

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Even that puck-like lane divider gives me anxiety!

You may have recognized South Korean skater Viktor Ahn as Ahn Hyun-Soo, who’d sported Harry Potter glasses at the 2002 Salt Lake City Olympics.

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He’s skating for Russia now, or, “he’s wearing a Russian skin-suit,” as Apolo Ohno announced a bit more energetically than he has ever announced anything. (This is true for most things Apolo Ohno says; each is more vigorous than the last; I am loving his passionate commentary!) He won three golds in 2006, missed 2010, and picked up a bronze tonight — Russia’s first-ever short-track medal.

Meanwhile, U.S.A.’s J.R. Celski valiantly made the finals but failed to set the pace of the race himself; that duty and the gold medal fell to Canada’s Charles Hamelin, who should probably be our Olympic Stud of the Day just for this awesome kiss he laid on girlfriend and fellow speed skating star Marianne St-Gelais — but as the 1500 isn’t even supposed to be Charles’ best event, he should have at least another chance down the line.

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Alternate angle!

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Day 4’s Top 5 Pieces of Flair:

5. Maria Hoefl-Riesch’s snow leopard helmet
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4. Austrian Anna Fenninger’s cheetah helmet/spiky bun
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3. Switzerland’s Lara Gut was the perfect ’80s movie ski bunny queen bee in these shades.
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2. Julia Mancuso’s sparkly eye shadow/gold sequined scarf/(not pictured: tiara worn on podium)
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1. Charles Hamelin’s neon green goggles/crazy pants

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That’s more like eight or nine pieces — but let’s go with it! You can never show too much personality at these Games. Just ask Bob Costas, whose right eye is now as tired, splotchy, and red as his left.

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SAVE COSTAS.

Snarkiest Bob Costas Comment: I think the guy’s too damn tired to be that passive-aggressive right now, but I did like his characterization of halfpipe favorite Shaun White’s big Day 5 ahead as “anxiety for him; anticipation for us.”

Update: Whew, thank God… Bob Costas gratefully gulps vodka with Mary Carillo

Share your own Olympics-related anxieties, fears, hopes, dreams, and Stud-crushes in the comments….

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