'The Onion' turns 25: Our 25 favorite headlines

the-onion.jpg

In August of 1988, two college juniors named Tim Keck and Christopher Johnson founded a satirical newspaper. They called their creation The Onion, published it for about a year, then sold it for $16,000 — likely never dreaming that it would grow into one of the comedy world’s most venerable institutions.

25 years later, the paper has become a national juggernaut — one that shows no signs of slowing down anytime soon. “There’s always a slight looming terror of running out of jokes because we’ve done so many jokes, and we have this manic insistence on never repeating a joke that we’ve done,” current editor-in-chief Will Tracy told NPR’s Renee Montagne earlier today. “But then, we’re able to remind ourselves that, oh no, there’s still awful people doing awful things every day, so that’ll give us more material in reality to draw from.”

Of course, awful people doing awful things aren’t the only subjects of Onion headlines. The satirical giant has spent the past quarter century making fun of everyone and everything — and while trying to name the paper’s 25 greatest heds is a little like trying to choose between your own demented children, there are certainly several that stand the test of time. Check out a list of favorites below — and don’t let this story stop you from citing more greatest hits in the comments.

1. Study Reveals: Babies Are Stupid

2. World Death Rate Holding Steady at 100 Percent

3. Perky ‘Canada’ has own government, laws

4. Black Guy Asks Nation for Change. And don’t miss the sequel: Black Guy Given Nation’s Worst Job

5. CIA Realizes It’s Been Using Black Highlighters All These Years

6. Jurisprudence Fetishist Gets Off on Technicality

7. A classic from Our Dumb Century: New President Feels Nation’s Pain, Breasts

8. One more from that collection:  WA- (Headline Continued On Page 2)

9. Children, Creepy Middle-Aged Weirdos Swept Up in Harry Potter Craze

10. Drugs Win Drug War

11. Denver Optometrist Not Sure Why He Has a Gay Cult Following

12. Kitten Thinks of Nothing But Murder All Day

13. Winner Didn’t Even Know It Was Pie-Eating Contest

14. Point/Counterpoint: Outdoor Advertising Is a Blight on Our Society (by Karen McClary) vs. I Just Wanted to Tell the Nice People About the Yogurt (by A Yoplait Yogurt Billboard)

15. Dolphin Spends Amazing Vacation Swimming With Stockbroker

16. Exercise Ball All the Way Over There

17. The Onion‘s take on World War I: Austria Declares War on Serbia Declares War on Germany Declares War on France Declares War on Turkey Declares War on Russia Declares War on Bulgaria Declares War on Britain: Ottoman Empire Almost Declares War on Itself

18. Area Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution To Be

19. Fall Canceled After 3 Billion Seasons

20. God Answers Prayers of Paralyzed Little Boy: ‘No,’ Says God

21. Archaeological Dig Uncovers Ancient Race Of Skeleton People

22. Yet another gem from Our Dumb Century: Holy Sh–! Man Walks on F—ing Moon

23. Point/Counterpoint: My Computer Totally Hates Me! (by Vicki Helmholz) vs. God, Do I Hate That Bitch (by Dell Dimension 4100)

24. Loved Ones Recall Local Man’s Cowardly Battle With Cancer

25. And just because I can’t resist ending on a note of self-awareness: Pop Culture Expert Surprisingly Not Ashamed of Self

Latest Videos

Advertisement

From Our Partners

TV Recaps

Powered by WordPress.com VIP