'Under the Dome' DomeWatch: 'Stop talking to me, Dome!'

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Image Credit: CBS

Hello fellow Domesters! It’s me again, your number one top DomeWatcher, a genuine human being who is definitely not just a Dome in disguise. Last night’s episode of Under the Dome was filled with a hefty dose of deep-dive mythology. Angie finally proved that she’s good for something besides being held captive and wearing shirts intended for second graders. The most attractive meatbag had a hot new theory about the Dome, which I’ll refer to as the “Planetarium” theory. You ever hear that old joke about the Planetarium? Me neither! Dome! And on that note, it’s time for my favorite part of the week: The Five Best Domes on this week’s episode of Under the Dome.

5. The semi-abstract crazymaking DrugDomes. Another day, another random shooting in Chester’s Mill. This one was provoked by a crazy lunatic degenerate named Larry, who our heroes found raving after a break-in. “Stop talking to me, Dome!” Larry said, almost certainly referencing Billy Madison. Barbie smelled some meth on the crazy guy’s breath: “It’s not the Dome talking to you…it’s drugs!”

Yep, our crazy guy has been dipping into the famous Reverend Coggins RIP stock, which is called “Rapture.” “It’s like every kind of highcombined, maaan!” said Larry. “It’s like, yo, dude, you ever realize that religion is the opiate of the masses, broooo?” “I think you mean the Dome is the opiate of the masses,” said Barbie, shaking his head.

Sheriff Linda spent the rest of the episode investigating the local business, and finally concluded that, yes indeed, someone has been bringing in extra propane into Chester’s Mill in order to make crazy drugs with symbolic names. But who could be behind this whole crazy drug scheme, which seems to require having a considerable amount of political power? Sheriff Linda scratched her head, which is a very pretty head, but unfortunately does not look very much like a Dome.

4. Special Only-Grenade-In-Town BoomDome: Big Jim suddenly became a dirty hippie peacenik and insisted that Chester’s Mill institute a vicious gun control policy. Sheriff Linda pointed out that Chester’s Mill is located in America, god darn it, and they’ve got rights. “If we’re still part of America,” said Big Jim. He announced a firearm turn-in program, with extra food and extra propane for anyone who gave their guns to the cause. But one citizen, named Ted, didn’t want to give Jim his guns. His family all died when the Dome came down, although it’s worth remembering that Domes don’t kill people: People just keep killing themselves indirectly because of the Dome. Jim talked to Ted, and while he did, the red laser dot from Barbie’s rifle caressed the beautiful pale Dome that sits atop Big Jim’s shoulders. In the end, Big Jim got Ted’s guns…and he kept the Grenade very specially for himself. Bet you anything that grenade goes off in the season finale.

3. Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. Now, technically, Natalie Zea is not actually a Dome…as far as we know. However, the Justified costar and Following costar officially became an Under the Dome costar this week, playing Max, a mysterious femme fatale from outside the Dome. Turns out that she was trapped inside the Dome and has been hanging out just offscreen the entire season. I really hope that this is how all new characters are introduced in Under the Dome: They just walk up and say, “Hey guys, I was in the house next door the whole time! Also, I am a human being and definitely not a Dome!” Anyhow, Max immediately added a whole lot of plot momentum to the show. She convinced Big Jim to round up all the guns so that they/she could be in control. She also revealed that she knew Barbie by giving him a very memorable smooch, and promised to tell Julia about the whole whoops-I-killed-your-husband thing.

So basically, Max has only been on the show for an episode, and already she’s A) the most powerful enemy for Big Jim we’ve ever met B) the third corner of a Barbie/Julia romantic triangle, and C)¬†established that she knows all the secrets of everyone in town. More of her, please!

2. The Mini-Dome. The cutest widdle Dome in Domeville went missing this week, which was sad. But it turned out that it had actually just relocated to the barn. After Angie started having seizures, the kids decided that she must be the third member of their Dome Gang. (Mythology Check: Joe established that the butterfly tattoo on Angie’s back is not a monarch butterfly, so she is not the literal/metaphorical/whatever “Monarch” that is going to be “Crowned.” Unless she is. Dome!) The kids touched the Mini-Dome and it started to light up. “It’s almost like these are locks, and our hands are the keys!” said Norrie, reading carefully off a script that was handed to her by her Dome Overlords. Sure enough, a fourth handprint appeared on the side of the dome. Who could that hand belong to? Junior, right? Probably Junior? I’m betting on Junior.

1. The Dome. Can we all just point out that the Dome has become the hottest new star on television this year, but unlike most hot young stars, it hasn’t fallen victim to vanity? It hasn’t gotten a cool new haircut. It hasn’t requested better clothes. It doesn’t demand a lot of screen time. In fact, it insisted on taking a back seat the last couple of weeks to allow the show to develop its next hot Dome prospect, the Mini-Dome. Like, The Dome is definitely the Jennifer Lawrence of Domes.

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