'The Bachelorette: The Men Tell All' on the scene: We take the guys speed-dating

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Image Credit: Craig Sjodin/ABC

After the grueling two-hour Men Tell All special, I thought the boys of The Bachelorette deserved a break. So I let a handful of them try to impress me with the answers to four important speed-dating questions to determine who would be getting a rose from me — you know, if I had roses.

Juan Pablo and I chatted primarily about his favorite subject: his daughter Camilla. He deferred to her love of all the Disney princesses when I asked him his favorite, and in the end he didn’t come up with a straight answer. But now I know Camilla had a Minnie Mouse-themed birthday party in February and loves to sing along to the Tangled soundtrack.

His favorite superhero — though he isn’t really into them — is Batman. “I used to like watching the movies, watching the outfits, the guns and everything, that was pretty good,” he said. “The suit that he wore, that guy was freakin’ ripped. I liked it.”

His favorite romantic comedy is a Spanish langugage film from Argentina called El hijo de la novia (Son of the Bride), so we couldn’t connect over that, but he said he’d take me to the jungle on a date. Then he backed up.

“Honestly, any date’s good. Go to dinner, or a soccer game — if you like music, go to a concert,” he suggested. “I’m not high-maintenance at all. I like to be with someone who will get along with doing things, like if I said, ‘Let’s go to a soccer game,’ and they said, ‘Oh, that’s boring, I don’t like that.’ You know, just go and maybe you want to go to a ballet and I’m like, ‘Okay let’s do it. I like that.’ An easygoing woman.”

So that’s not happening.

Ben and I got off to a great start when he told me his favorite superhero.

“Honestly? It’s not a normal answer, but Gambit from X-Men,” he said — and I gasped, because Gambit is a rare and wonderful choice. “I used to draw him all the time when I was little. I drew all the time.”

He told me his son likes Wolverine and has been watching DVDs of the old superhero cartoons that Ben grew up watching. I approve. His favorite princess is Rapunzel, because he likes long hair, and his favorite romantic comedy is Yes Man. Which brought us to the big question: What kind of date would he plan for us?

“I like simple things,” he started cautiously. “That’s the hardest thing about this show, is everything was so overdone and … you don’t have time to sit and talk because that’s when you learn stuff about each other. … I just like being with somebody, it doesn’t have to be anything extravagant. I really like getting to know a girl really fast, because I don’t want to waste her time, I don’t want to waste mine. I think when you’re just hanging out and doing the simple things … it’s just the simple things that we all kind of shy away from in our generation, but I’m from the country. We take care of our women.”

Sold.

Zak was grinning ear to ear when he sat down, and he definitely played the funny guy when I asked him his favorite superhero.

“Let’s see, probably Felix the Cat … just kidding,” he beamed. “I never got into them as a kid. Maybe for Halloween or … last Halloween I was a super baby monkey.”

Sure, why not?

His favorite princess — due to her red hair and the way she was “kind of a hippie” — was Ariel from The Little Mermaid. He told me he sings “Under the Sea” pretty often at karaoke, and he did a little intro for me in a Jamaican accent.

“I put on the crab costume and everything,” he said. I couldn’t tell if he was joking.

He cited Love Actually as his favorite rom-com, and then he pulled out all the stops while describing the date he would take me on.

“I’ve got a great idea,” he said. “Let’s go to the costume store. Let’s get some crazy costumes. Let’s go to dinner in some crazy costumes and then of course we’ll go to karaoke and you have to pick songs for the other person that match their costume. You’ve got to sing at least three songs, too, so you’re committed. When you pick it out you’ve got to make sure, you know, you can sing in that genre. You can handle it.”

I doubt that.

James sat down last, and I waited for him to choose a superhero. He hemmed and hawed a little but ultimately chose Superman. His favorite princess? Pocahontas.

“She’s hot,” he said simply. “Definitely not blond and tall, but still hot.”

We laughed about the misconceptions that had been much discussed about James wanting to sail around on yachts with tall blondes.

“I’m actually Latin and that’s not what I like. That’d be horrible, wouldn’t it? I mean geez.”

He fished around for a romantic comedy, ultimately saying that instead of watching movies, he likes to go fishing, which isn’t necessarily my thing. However, his date idea was right up my alley.

“I think I would take you to like a comedy or a play of some sort,” he said. “I’m really into arts and stuff. All my cousins are on Broadway, so I kind of grew up around it. Like would you like to go to Broadway? Annie’s the best. It really is the best. I’ve gone two or three times. I haven’t been lately. … I’ve been on the boat with tall blondes. My mom was like, ‘Really? Blondes?’ They’re like, ‘Yeah, they don’t know you very well.’ At work, they’re all like, ‘They don’t even know who you are.’”

Good thing I’m a brunette!

So in the end, I think I would choose Ben. We had the most in common, and I think The Bachelorette painted him in an extremely unfairly negative light. Probably.

Based on their answers, who would you like to date out of the Desiree reject pool?

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