'New Girl': The Return of Yolanda Winston

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Elsewhere, Schmidt and Elizabeth were basking in the afterglow of their first time back together when he asked how his new body compared to the old one. She said she liked his body “before [he] knew what to do with it.” Cut to a flashback of them at a college party dancing like maniacs — including but not limited to the Ashlee Simpson hoedown, running man, air guitar, and Max Greenfield doing a herkie into a half split that A.) must be seen to be believed and B.) made me wonder how long it took him to get up again underneath that unwieldy fat suit. What I’m saying is, it may have been the best non-lubricated Fat Schmidt scene yet.

Back to the present, Elizabeth showed up early to Schmidt’s office for lunch. She was wearing the same shirt from the first time they met 12 years. Instead of appreciating the gesture, Schmidt was embarrassed by her slouchy appearance and pretended not to know her in front of a sexy, judgy colleague. She got, rightly, angry and stormed off. He chased her to the elevator bank, where she said she was going to accept another guy’s date invitation for that night. As the doors closed, all he had to say was, “Without validation, the parking rates are absurd!”

Long story short, of course Schmidt crashed Elizabeth’s date — not that it was a particularly good one. He was wearing a “Frogedaboudit” shirt she’d bought him in college as he insisted her he wanted to be with her publicly. With his resolution not to care so much about what people thought, they rocked out in front of everyone at the restaurant.

And as for poor Winston, his birthday was like Sixteen Candles, only outfitted in a Michael Jackson-circa-1983 red leather suit. An outfit made even more sad/hilarious when he showed up to Cece’s apartment ready for his “surprise party.” In her frenzy to get everything done, Jess asked him to pick up Cece’s sari and drop it off there. Naturally Winston thought this was a ruse. Only, instead of a party, the surprise he encountered was that Cece’s hand henna had been imprinted on her face during a nap (that Jess urged her to take).

Cece called Jess and let out a shriek unlike anything we’ve heard since Cece found out Jess and Nick had kissed. Jess showed up, and Cece stressed, “I’m getting married tomorrow, and I look like Mike Tyson!” Jess assured her they’d be able to sort out everything with a bit of olive oil and some cotton balls. No surprise, the “solution” only created a bigger problem when the smudge made Cece look like she’d drawn on a Halloween hobo beard. Jess covered the lower half of her face with a washrag and asked hopefully, “Burkas isn’t you guys is it?” Since Cece was not a conservative Muslim, Jess called the henna artist and was told there was no way to remove the henna. Unable to fix the problem and seeing that Cece was in no mood to talk about the recent Nick news, she took off and called Shivrang over (warning him to “watch out for the girl who looked like Mandy Patinkin”). In an optimistic development, Shivrang sweetly told Cece that, if this was their biggest problem, they had no problems.

While this all went down, Winston had given up and bought his own cake, which he brought back to the loft and started to enjoy. Pooping that party, Bob snarked, “You sure you want to be eating so much cake — with a body like that?” Winston was so insulted, he threw down his cake and his fork. But! Thanks to all the roommates’ coincidental desire to head to the roof at the same time (Schmidt and Elizabeth had joined Nick and Jess), Winston stumbled upon them all together and thought this was the surprise party he’d been expecting all day. What Winston doesn’t know won’t hurt him…

NEXT: Hopefully, the first and last time I ever have to type the phrase “pubic topiary”


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