Of course, the acquisition of penis pics wasn’t the night’s only issue. Shivrang’s aunt’s presence at the festivities freaked Cece out. She made the ladies swear to keep things G-rated, which rubbed Jess the wrong way since she thought Cece wasn’t being true to herself. No matter, she’d pre-arranged for a racy slideshow of drunk and slutty pics that partygoers insisted on watching. Seeing Cece’s humiliation, Jess tried to downplay the photos to Shiv’s aunt by laughing, “What happens in Orlando stays in Orlando.” At this point, auntie had had enough. She stood up to ask Cece, “Is this how you like to spend time with your friends? Is this the kind of wife you want to be?” Cece tried to save face by lying this was never what she’d wanted. Jess was hurt.
When Jess pulled Cece away to talk, the conversation quickly turned into a confrontation as Jess admitted she didn’t support Cece marrying Shivrang. Cece retorted acidly, “I don’t need to take relationship advice from the girl who’s in the middle of a seventh-grade debacle with the boy across the hall.” Her stream-of-consciousness indictment of Jess ended with “I WEAR PAJAMA SETS!” Jess shouted, “YOU QUESTION MY PAJAMAS, YOU MAKE ME QUESTION OUR ENTIRE FRIENDSHIP!” Though the others could obviously hear the shouting, it wasn’t the girls who broke up the fight. Instead, it was a guy named Alfredo in an ice cream parlor stripper suit (the stripper part being that it was sleeveless to show off his guns). Undulations to 50 Cent’s “Candy Shop” couldn’t overcome his bad timing, and he was harshly dismissed.
At this point, Nick’s text came through. With all the girls buzzily peeking over Jess’s shoulder (Nadia’s response: “What is? Three more weeks of winter?”), Shiv’s aunt demanded to see the phone. She immediately recognized what was going on, acknowledging it as a common problem in her culture: “Where I come from, women cry for days over this very thing.” With that, the ice was broken. Even more so when auntie regaled the ladies with her own wedding-night story — hint: it ended with the words “and then I realized, Uh oh! That is not his leg!“
With the women’s laughter still hanging in the air, Shivrang barreled in with Nick and Winston. Jess complimented Shiv’s “prize hog,” but he admitted the privates on parade weren’t his. Upon finding out they were Nick’s, Jess looked pretty pleased and couldn’t resist grabbing her phone for another gander. Nick grabbed it away, and they adorably wrestled around the room for it — alas, not into Nick’s room for a little real-time photo shoot. The party officially started — or ended, depending on how you look at it — when Schmidt arrived, asking, “What is going on here, and why is Alfredo crying in the elevator?” (Nadia’s greeting to him? “Hello, Jew.”)
Hearing Cece’s concerns that they hadn’t gotten to know each other, Shivrang began to pull out his “software” (Nick suggested he refer to it as “hardware”). Nadia offered, “If it run, I catch it!” But there was neither running nor catching Cece stopped him to explain that she sometimes felt they were moving too fast. She tried to spin it so that it was a good thing, like they were taking a leap of faith together, only she finished by pronouncing his name Shiv-RANG. He came clean that his name is pronounced Shiv-WRONG — as in “He’s Shiv-WRONG for you, Cece! This freaked her out even more, but he eased her stress by promising to do everything he could to make her happy for the rest of their lives. A line like that is hard to resist, so she didn’t resist when he pulled her in for a kiss — which Schmidt had to watch. Affirmed in her leap of faith, Cece closed out the night by asking Jess to be her Maid of Honor. I think we can safely assume there will be no further party planning responsibilities.
NEXT: Schmidt searches for a date