'New Girl': Oh Deer!

(Page 3 of 4)

Meanwhile, Cece had to crash at the loft after the bathroom at the model apartment became clogged. Explained Schmidt: “This is what happens — four models with protein deficiencies sharing a shower. They shed like a $4 Christmas sweat-ter.” (Yes, friends, Schmidt can over-enunciate any word.) Within minutes of welcoming her, Winston accidentally grazed Cece’s nether regions with his Li’l Winnie. And we all learned, including Winston, that this was Winston’s “pogo” — the thing about him that everyone else laughs at when he’s not in the room.

After retaliated by declaring Schmidt “King of Pogos,” Schmidt’s insecurity took over. He tried to figure out what the roomies disliked. Could it be that he dances like a sea snake? Perhaps that he barges into people’s showers? Maybe his caterpillar eyebrows (which he plucked to hell and ended up looking like the love child of Spock and Raven-Symoné). Then he decided it must be the mole on his cheek and was milliseconds away from slicing it off with a straight razor when Cece strolled in and casually mentioned Schmidt’s “barnacle toenails.” Busted!

Cece tried to diffuse the tension by asking the boys what her pogo was. Of course she doesn’t have one, mainly because she’s Cece (a.k.a. perfect), but also because it’s “kind of a loft thing.” She felt left out and started making up pogos, first emphasizing her smart-ass shtick, then completely fabricating a creepy baby voice. Cece’s pogo play barely registered, though, because Schmidt was completely bent out of shape — not unlike his “calcified mongrel toes.” Eventually everyone’s pogos were revealed. Jess wondered, “Is it my pies? Are they tart?” but it’s actually her know-it-all personality. Nick’s pogo is what a pitiful example of humanity he is (see: Dotables).

Later, after Pepperwood’s sleuthing went awry, Nick did try to take better care of himself, albeit by frying bacon in a pool of butter and salt. While Jess restrained herself from telling him the right way to cook bacon, Nick was distracted by Schmidt’s description of his new pedicure regime (“The soaking really worked. They’re gorgeous! Went down a full shoe size!”), and the fat in Nick’s pan set off a small grease fire. Nick made things worse by spraying water on it, but Winston came to the rescue to stifle the fire with his robe. Unfortunately, this freed his “pogo” to bounce right into Nick’s pelvis when Nick gave him a thank-you hug. Winston: “It’s involuntary! It is a combination of adrenaline and great circulation!” While the others snickered, he ran out — thus reminding them of another Winston pogo: He farts when he runs.

NEXT PAGE: Story time(s)!

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