Relationships were tested in tonight’s episode of Modern Family.
Yes, I know what you’re thinking, “What else is new?” But unlike previous spats triggered by miscommunication, Claire and Cam were upset with Phil and Mitch because they didn’t believe in them. The two men, who rarely see eye to eye, didn’t think their partners were capable of successfully flipping a house they had stumbled upon. They came to their senses once they saw the abandoned lot that Claire and Cam had transformed into a baseball field for Manny and Luke’s Little League playoffs and ultimately bought the house.
Here are tonight’s five best moments:
1. Phil lies to Claire and Cam and pretends to support their decision to flip the house they’ve found, then turns around and tells Mitch, “under no circumstances are we letting them do this.” Taking a conniving move out of Claire’s playbook, he plays both fields so Mitch can take the fall. The perennial cheerleader just isn’t comfortable squashing his wife’s dreams so he blackmails Mitch (Phil recently witnessed him throwing out a sweater that Cam had knitted for him) to prevent him from telling Claire that he doesn’t want them to buy the house. Mitch, though, is no babe in the woods, and he double crosses Phil’s double cross. Mitch tells Cam that he’s on board with the decision, thereby thrusting the ball back in Phil’s court. He then picks up Phil’s call and answers, “Well, hello Phil. To what do I owe this pleasure?” in a posh accent while petting a white cat in his best impression of James Bond baddie Blofeld. Instead of “Diamond on the Rough,” the episode should have been titled “Diamonds Are Forever on the Rough.”
2. Gloria, who’s probably still suffering from “pregnancy brain,” has the brilliant idea to sing directly to her unborn child using a microphone attached to earphones that are resting on her belly. It took me a few seconds before I recognized her banshee call as the lullaby “Hush, Little Baby.” I’m just glad that poor child didn’t witness it firsthand. “Papa’d buy 10 diamond rings to get that mocking bird to shut the hell up,” Jay says to the camera. He decides to hog the mic in order to spare the “poor little thing stuck in there like a hostage.” Gloria’s proud “singing” only gets worse with time. During a round of “Twinkle Twinkle Little Lamb,” Jay finally tells her that she’s a terrible singer. This, of course, upsets Gloria, giving her no other option but to prove him wrong by singing the National Anthem at Manny and Luke’s baseball game. Let’s just say that her performance made Roseanne Barr’s voice sound angelic.
3. Claire and Cam find out that both Phil and Mitch lied to them about wanting to buy the house when the two accidentally send their texts to the entire crew. After seeing the baseball field that his wife had built, Phil delivers the most insightful line of the night: “That’s the funny thing about marriage. You fall in love with this extraordinary person and over time they begin to seem ordinary.” He then drops in a Philism, “I think it’s all the nagging.”
4. After Gloria’s ear-shattering rendition of the National Anthem, we see Jay laying in bed and talking to Gloria’s baby bump as she sleeps. “All I’m saying is I hope to God that you don’t have your mother’s singing voice,” he says. “But, man I hope you get her self-confidence.”
5. Manny is up to bat and the tied game rests on his shoulders. Because the McCoy twins’ grandmother passed away, he was forced to start in right field after having avoided playing a single inning in 22 games. Jay, Gloria, and Claire give him conflicting advice about his stance, causing him to lose focus. Fortunately, the ball hits his groin. Unfortunately, he runs in the opposite direction. Maybe Luke should have taken his question about whether running counterclockwise was optional more seriously. Thanks to Manny, his teammate at third base runs home and his team wins the game. Just as he predicted, everyone chants his name as he rounds the bases. I guess every sports movie is correct.