Louis C.K.'s best responses to Vanity Fair's 'Proust Questionnaire'

Image Credit: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images

What did Vanity Fair think was going to happen?

In its January issue, the magazine invited comedian Louis C.K. to fill out one of its regular “Proust Questionnaires,” a series of questions designed to elicit self-analysis. The questionnaire is a recurring piece in the publication, answered by celebrities and generating responses that run from poetically spare (Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist Herman Wouk said the place that made him happiest was “Anywhere with her, while she lived.”) to comically honest (What would Dolly Parton change about herself? “I want really long legs.”). For the most part, the celebrities are pretty game and use it as an opportunity for both serious reflection and self-deprecating jabs. Louis C.K. took a slightly different approach. Click below for our favorites.

The best way to describe his Proust Questionnaire is disinterest bordering on hostility. I won’t spoil the fun by explaining exactly what that means – read the full questionnaire to get the gist — instead, here are six of the best responses he gave.

6. What do you dislike most about your appearance?

I am really tired of looking at my hips. I’m seriously really tired of standing naked in the mirror and staring at my hips for hours and hours while muttering, “You hips. You hips need to get it together.”

5. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

I have an absolutely beautiful penis. It’s stunning in every way. God I hate my perfect penis.

4. If you could choose what to come back as, what would it be?

I mean, who has time to think about sh** like this? I have two kids. I have sh** to do. We have to find a middle school for next year. Sh** is getting real. Who has time to think about what they want to do in their next life?

3. What is it that you most dislike?

Really? After all that? After all those specific questions? You’re just gonna ask that? You seriously need to do some editing someday.

2. How would you like to die?

Handcuffing myself to you and jumping into a cauldron of molten bronze.

1. What is your motto?

Never, ever, ever again agree to do anything for any magazine ever.

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