In my favorite storyline of the night, Elaine Stritch returned as Jack’s overly critical mother, Colleen Donaghy. Jack decided the only way he could avoid her criticisms was to do absolutely nothing. Unfortunately, that plan was cut short when he had to attend to her ailing health. And this time, it wasn’t just an attempt to make Jack feel bad. I’m sad to report Colleen died in the carriage ride on her way to the hospital. Just like that, she was gone. But Jack realized that Colleen’s constant crushing disapproval gave him the greatest gift of all: She made him the tuxedo-wearing man his is today. Jack honored his mother by giving the best eulogy ever, which featured Jack speaking Gaelic and playing the flute, and an appearance by Kermit the Frog.
The top 10 lines and moments from “My Whole Life Is Thunder”:
++ Liz singing “Married/Liz Lemon got married/And made up this song” to the tune of the 30 Rock theme
++ “She insists on traveling on Pearl Harbor Day to, and I quote, ‘Show the emperor we’re not afraid.’” —Jack explaining his mother’s early arrival for Christmas
++ Lemon: “Look, I know she gets under your skin, but you should appreciate this time with her. She’s 87.”
Jack: “That’s only 14 in demon years, Lemon.”
++ Kenneth: “Mr. Jordan, do you know you why I love television so much?”
Tracy: “Because despite cell phones, iPads, and computers, it’s still the most effective portal for poltergeists?”
++ “Oh Liz, you had me at Hayden Panettiere is dead.” —Jenna
++ The ad for Bitch Hunter popping up as Kenneth complained about pop-up ads on TV
++ Jack: “Mother, call an ambulance.”
Colleen: “My father did not kill dozens of Germans so that his daughter could die in a van.”
Jack: “But he wasn’t even in the war!”
Colleen: “Go about your day, Jack. Just leave the door open and let the elements take me.”
++ “The horse is one of only three appropriate subjects for a painting, along with ships with sails, and men holding up swords while staring off into the distance.” —Jack
++” I guess people do say strange things at the end. My grandmother said, ‘Liz, stop playing with the flesh around my elbow.’” —Lemon
++ “I don’t want my life to be like TV because my life is way better. Where else but real life would a millionaire movie star care so much about a hillbilly janitor that he would spend two days trying to cheer him up? You can’t do that on television, because if you did, no one would watch.” —Kenneth (gotta love the show’s self-deprecating lines)
++ Bonus: “You know what my best friend did for my 50th birthday? She gives everybody a car, and then she’s all, ‘Thank you for coming to Gayle’s birthday!’” —Gayle, talking about her BFF, Oprah
What did you think of “My Whole Life Is Thunder?” Are you as upset as I am about Colleen’s death? What was your favorite line? Sound off in the comments below, or you know Colleen will disapprove from her throne in hell.
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