A newbie and a superfan discuss 'Breaking Dawn -- Part 2.' Will the romance work on a Twi-virgin?

breaking-dawn-2

Image Credit: Andrew Cooper/Summit Entertainment

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ADAM: The Jacob and Renesmee situation, if I understand correctly, is that Jacob “imprinted” on an infant hybrid vampire/human girl, and now he’s bonded to her for life, yes? So it’s basically a consolation prize to Team Jacob: He can’t have Bella, but he can have her daughter (when she’s of age)? And Renesmee has zero choice in the matter? I have that right?

What’s so weird about that?

I mean, is it any weirder than the Amazon Tyra Banks vampire who’s a walking holodeck and doesn’t apparently need to bundle up in the wintry north even though all the other vampires do? Is it any weirder than the fact that Bella’s father apparently is okay with his daughter joining a commune of Gap models who all appear roughly the same age, and that he doesn’t seem to notice that his grandaughter has grown three feet in what appears to be six months? Is it any weirder than the sad fate of everyone’s hair once they become a vampire? I mean, seriously, Denise, what is the deal with the five alarm awfulness of vampire hair styles? Is it that they can’t see themselves in the mirror?

Wow, that got a little ranty. But I guess now is as good a time as any for me to just say in general that there is some strange things going on in the Twilight universe.

DENISE: 1. You basically have the whole imprinting situation exactly right. Renesmee technically has a choice, though. However, because Jacob is so devoted to her, the idea is that she wouldn’t choose otherwise. (Although, at the end of Breaking Dawn the book, Edward suggests that the other half-vampire/half-human Nahuel might be a little bit of competition for Jake.) But Emily stayed with Sam even when he ripped half her face off, so as long as Jacob doesn’t f— up to much, it should be fine for him and Nessie. I do wish they would have flash-forwarded to the scene where Jacob tells her that he used to makeout with her mom, though.

2. Vampires can be half-naked anytime they like because they aren’t affected by the cold. They run the same temperature all the time, no matter what the conditions.

3. Well, Charlie does notice that Renesmee grows — he’s just ignoring it, really. Charlie’s trying to live by their rules, which is to say that he can’t really know anything. (Otherwise, he’d have to be killed or turned into a vampire himself.) He shows a little trepidation when he first sees Bella, but I think he’s just happy to have her around, still. And I don’t think he approves necessarily — but it wasn’t his decision. She is 18. (Eternally, but an adult nonetheless.)

4. The wigs are just plain bad.

What else can I clear up for you?

ADAM: Um, who are Emily and Sam? Wait, are those the wolves who helped out Jacob but we never saw transform back into human form? That was definitely confusing. It seemed like Jacob was the only werewolf who wasn’t always a wolf!

And why does Bella call Charlie, “Charlie,” and not “Dad”? Does it have to do with Bella’s missing (and presumably dead) mother? I did think that all the Charlie stuff was the most relatable part of the movie for me; as the only regular old mortal human in the film, his befuddled, go-along-to-get-along reaction to everything was pretty much how I felt about the whole experience too.

DENISE: Oh dear. Sam is the big black wolf, the dude who came to shake Jacob’s hand when he was in the garage. He’s the head of the wolfpack that Jacob left. Emily is the woman he imprinted on. He slashed her face up badly — on accident — but she still stayed with him. She doesn’t really show up in this movie at all.

Maybe Bella calls him Charlie because she was never around him much when she was younger. In the book, she usually calls him “Dad” to his face and Charlie in her mind. Or it could be a Northwest thing? I lived in Seattle briefly as a kid, and we called all our teachers by their first names. And yes, Charlie is the best. I loved him! “Are you trying to get rid of me?” Pause. “Because it’s working!” Billy Burke is by far the best part of all the movies.

Let’s move on to the ending. What did you think? The novel ends without a fight, although they do talk about one happening. Was it effective? Would you have been disappointed if nothing had happened?

NEXT PAGE: The controversial climax. Plus: The nature of the Bella/Edward relationship, and the blessing of Taylor Lautner shirtlessness!

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