'New Girl': Zombie Woody Allen

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Image Credit: Greg Gayne/Fox

There were a lot of tricks (welcome back, Sam!) but not very many treats on this Very Special Episode of New Girl. It seems like almost all the obstacles are being cleared to pave the way for fan fulfillment (whether Jess-Nick or Schmidt-Cece). Or maybe these people are just terrible at forming deep, lasting relationships in general. Either way, it made for some laugh-out-loud moments. My personal favorite involved Nick and a protective ghost. But more on that later…

The episode overall hinged on Jess’s seasonal gig at a haunted house. Schmidt pegged her costume as Zombie Woody Allen, and Nick likened it to a “sexy undead Driver’s Ed teacher,” but I like to think she was some mutant hybrid of Ron Weasley and Raggedy Andy. But the ghouls and goblins weren’t the only things going bump in the night. Jess was still involved in her no-strings-attached relationship with Sam. She locker-room bragged to the roommates, “I’m going to kick him to the curb once I’ve used his body like a moisturizer sample.” Then she found out Sam was a pediatrician, and the allure of a caring guy with a soft spot for kids proved irresistible for the former elementary school teacher. Sam tried to keep things strictly sexy, reminding her that he was the “same guy that did [her] in that falafel restaurant — and a dirty one at that.” Then a kid came in and did fishtail high fives with him, and Jess was a goner.

Cece, too, was surprised Sam had such a noble profession. “I had him pegged for a part-time tennis pro or an unemployed handsome guy,” she said. In classic dumb-sitcom-girl fashion, Jess decided the best course of action to keep this hot, smart, sexually willing and able man around would be to test him. She invited him to the last night of her haunted house. If he showed up in costume, that would mean they had potential as a couple. And if he didn’t… well I think we all knew where this was going several episodes back. Or did we? Sam did show, and, yeah, his costume (a clown nose) was a little half-assed, but it still gave Jess enough hope to believe she had a shot. To be continued…

Meanwhile, Nick was freaking out because Amelia (Maria Thayer, a.k.a. Tammi Littlenut from Strangers With Candy), a girl he was in love with freshman year of college, was coming town for a visit. Regretting that he’d never told her how he felt (despite evidence to the contrary in Dotables), he put a lot of pressure on himself to make it happen this time around. But, frankly, the fact that Amelia still wanted to see Nick in spite of his Chris Cornell rip-off style from their collegiate days could only have been a good sign.

In fact, all he had to do was make her up a bed and show her around “the city where many scenes from Beverly Hills Chihuahua were filmed,” and she was ready to make up for lost time. Nick was overcoming his disbelief that she didn’t remember his “whole bag of bad game” in college when Amelia lunged at his face. The kissing was… well… aggressive. Like the female equivalent of “He raped my face” aggressive. Only making things worse, she later carved a pumpkin in the shape of their future family. Too soon, honey, too soon!

NEXT: Honest Abe versus Raphael


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