'Parks and Recreation': Pawnee's crabby seniors get a dose of sex-ed

Last night’s episode of Parks and Recreation ranks as a series standout. It tackled well-established themes — Tom’s media addiction, Pawnee’s laughably archaic social policies — in ways that felt fresh, timely, and subversive. Even bit player Perd Hapley, a witless and perpetually dramatic talk show host, took the spotlight and dished out some ridiculous one-liners.

Here are some of last night’s best moments.

The Twitter transcript from Tom’s car wreck:

9:15: Four green lights in a row. #blessed.

9:17: Drive faster, blue civic. Daaaaaaaamn. #soccermoms.

9:18: Gotta pass this lady on the ejkerkj

9:20: Just hit a fire hydrant, but I survived. #Unbreakable. #WhatsMrGlassuptothesedays? #whynosequel?

In preparing for a sex-ed course for senior citizens, Leslie asked her staff to imitate seniors and ask Ann their most perverted questions about sexual health. Obviously, the results were terrifically bizarre (and quickly devolve to absurd pronouncements):

Leslie: “I’m an old lady. Why do I need birth control? I haven’t had my monthly since LBJ was president?”

Andy: “Do pubic hairs get longer the older you get… because that’s happening to me. What should I do?”

Donna: “Where can I get lube that is healthy to eat?”

Andy: “I ran over my testicles with my Jazzy scooter.”

Leslie: “I think you’re good to go, nursie, I want to jump on that caboose. Choo-choo!”

We’ve met the Reaganite harpy Marcia Langman before, but this was our introduction to her husband, Marshall, whose passion for social conservatism cloaks his thinly-veiled homosexuality. He spoke on the subject, ostensibly in regards to pre-marital sex, onĀ Ya’ Heard? with Perd: “We all have some crazy urges from time to time, but you can’t act on them. You have to bury them way down deep inside. You have to say, ‘Get out of here you crazy urges! You are not welcome in this brain of mine!'”

Later on, Leslie read a selection from the Langman’s abstinence pamphlet, So You Think You Know More Than God: “Our bodies are God’s gift, but they’re also the devil’s playground. The devil likes to hide in all your private nooks and crannies, and if you open too wide, he might get out… or in.”

The surprise hit of the episode, though, was Perd Hapley himself. His deadpan, news-anchor timing made virtually everything he said come across as headline farce. Here are some highlights:

“There are some statistics that I’d like to share with you now, and they are numbers.”

“And 100 percent of Pawnee-ans are Perd-verts. That’s the name I call fans of this show, based on the fact that my name is Perd.”

“The story of that commercial break is, it’s over.”

“Wow. Strong words from a woman who is trying to pin a piece of paper to her blazer.”

And finally, in an exchange with Leslie:

Perd: “Well you know what they say: you break it, you buy it.”

Leslie: “That doesn’t really apply here.”

Perd: “Tell that to the folks at Pier 1. An establishment I’m no longer allowed inside.”

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