Forever ensuring you’ll never think of Harry Potter the same way again, the always-classy Ralph Fiennes indulged Andy Cohen, Watch What Happens Live viewers, and Voldemort fetishists with a reading from a piece of erotic fan fiction during his visit to the Bravo talk show on Thursday night. Being the ultimate good sport, the Oscar-nominated actor (who couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of a porn parody title, Harry Squatter and the Sorcerer’s Bone) got back into character and had He Who Shall Not Be Named mention acts with Harry Potter that shall not be mentioned.
Watch the fairly NSFW clip here. (Be warned though, if your fantasy happens to include Cohen, Fiennes, and Holly Hunter, all in their pajamas, this may just send you over the edge. No judgment.)