Image Credit: Michael Simon, Albert Ferreira/Startraks and Nick
Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries may have officially gotten hitched almost two months ago, but we all know nothing is ever official for the Kardashian household until it airs on E! So thank goodness that the two-part kardavaganza Kim’s Fairytale Wedding is finally airing tonight (at 8 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. CT) and Monday, Oct. 10 (at 9 p.m. PT / 8 p.m. CT), so Kim and Kris kan finally stop living in sin.
Of kourse, while the happy kouple’s nuptials have already been very well documented, this will be our first chance for us lowly plebeians to be kaptivated by the judiciously-edited sights and sounds. But what won’t we be hearing or seeing during the happy event? Check out my krack at what won’t be koming our way during the kostly koupling below:
1. “So Khloe was saying that it’s our Nietzschean will to power that drives our fame and fortune. And I’m all, I mean, like, duh.”
2. “I was really, really, really worried the Lohans weren’t going to be able to make it.”
3. Ray J
4. “I don’t think that [insert wildly expensive wedding-related hoopdedoo here] is in our budget.”
5. Burton Jenner, Brandon Jenner, or Casey Jenner, for longer than five seconds.
6. “When we have our first kid, I’m going to name them either Hermione or Hagrid. Then Hortense, Helmuth, Hyacinth, Herschel, Heloise, and Hercules.”
7. Reggie Bush
8. “Yeah, I think the Nets have what it takes to go all the way in 2012.”
9. “Do you think this makes my butt look big?”
10. Restraint
What are you most looking forward to actually seeing and hearing during the televised Kardashian wedding? And, yes, “absolutely nothing” does kount as an acceptable answer.
Follow Adam on Twitter, and he’ll promise never to substitute “k” for “c” again, @adambvary
Read more:
Kim Kardashian renews her wedding vows on ‘Ellen,’ and it’s actually kinda sweet: Watch!
Kim Kardashian’s wedding registry
Snap judgment of Kim Kardashian’s wedding dress: Classic with a dash of crazy
I’m looking forward to NOT seeing a second of this crap….
‘Kim’s Fairytale Wedding’: 10 things you WON’T hear or see…’
1) Anything interesting
2) Anything intelligent
Car wreck, ACL tear, the flu—I don’t care.
I’m even sorry I wasted a couple minutes of my life reading your article, Adam. And even sorrier that I took time to then post something. So my vote is “absolutely nothing” cuz I won’t be watching.
Haha can’t wait for her to end up in the same boat as Sandra Wilkinson…..with an unemployed husband! Bimbo so desperate to be married she picked this chump.
* Kendra
Her boobs are so huge! I’m pretty sure she could smother a man to death between those boobs. It would be one of the most pleasant deaths a man could die.
11. Isn’t it weird that I met you this time last year, Kris?
12. Mom, stop pushing me down the aisle, I’ll trip!
‘Her boobs are so huge! ‘
Sure, but she’s a dude!
Lord, I’m so sick of this family. The only thing good about them is that she took the damn Hiltons off the radar but I’m sure there’ll be another ridiculous celebutante to take the K’s off from their high horse.
Two months was the longest wait! I’m pretty excited to see these wedding episodes. This family never gets old..
You’re kidding, of course.
OH ICK!
It’s all the Botox…..
The Kardashian family is in real danger of being overexposed.
See Paris Hilton or the Gosselin’s for previous examples. People will get sick of them soon and then the backlash will begin.
they are already overexposed
And we’re already sick of them. Except Brody Jenner, of course.
yes! what you said.
If everyone would quit watching, they would go away, see what happened to Paris Hilton?
“10 things you WON’T hear or see?” You can say that again: couldn’t give a fistf**k about this talentless media wh*re.
When they have their first kid I’m calling social services myself.
hahahahahahahaha
Kim Kardashian has done nothing to you people. She has done nothing but become a successful entrepreneur, television personality, model and actress. You want a character debate, guys? You better stick with me, because Kim Kardashian is way out of your league.
@Andrew Shepherd Only stupid women and pathetic gay men like the Kardashians.I can guess which one you are.
You should have just stuck with “Kim Kardashian has done nothing” because that would have been more accurate. She’s a leech and a media wh0re.
Any good-looking chick with big honkers and relatives in show business can make money. Yeah. she really pulled herself up by her bootstraps, there. This entire generation of Kardashains owe their success to Kim getting f**ked on a tape that leaked onto the web. Can’ deny that she’s making money, but she’s hardly doing it on the basis of her hard work and business smarts. Thank the people she hired to manage her. They’re the ones who actually earn their money.
FUNNY, so ignorant and ………………………………..
‘Kim Kardashian has done nothing to you people. She has done nothing but become a successful entrepreneur, television personality, model and actress.’
Are you her publicist or just kidding?
You’re a dork Andrew Shepherd or should I call you Mr. President? Loserrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
@Um—-You have no RESPECT.What have KIM done to you?
I respect people who beneift society. Kim does nothing except pimp herself. Should I respect the hookers on the street?
Hookers work harder than the Kardashians. Respect away.
YUCK!
Is anyone going to watch this? Seriously? I read the article to see what 10 things I won’t see in addition to the entire fiassco which I also won’t see.
Kim Kardashian is voluptuous, gorgeous, sexy and beautiful. She’s amazing. That woman is incredible. There’s a lovely gentleness and sweetness to her. Armenian perfection doesn’t get much purer than her.
You must be talking about Kate that Prince William married. Kim is at the far end of the spectrum plus she is a cow with everything that is made of plastic. I prefer the real thing.
Pure???!!! Really? On every episode she’s with a different guy! Is that is good as Armenian women get? YUCK!
Oh and let’s not forget the whole reason she became famous was because her Dad helped get OJ Simpson acquitted of murder, was Paris Hilton’s BFF and had a sex tape with Ray J!
‘Kim Kardashian is voluptuous, gorgeous, sexy and beautiful.’
…and a dude!
I stopped watching E! altogether so I wouldn’t even have to see promos for this family. I wish the Kardashians would just go away.
I WISH THAT YOU WOULD DISAPPEAR OFF THIS POSTING.
Still love The Soup
The Soup sucks now.
Nah, it’s still fun. Especially since Joel McHale is still hot.
I used to be mildly interested, but the lead up to Kim’s wedding put me over the edge. This family is SO overexposed, snotty, disrespectful, and classless. Money cannot buy class (i.e. the Kardashians).
Stop giving them attention so they can go away. I come here and not Eonline because of their goal to have at least 5 Kardashian stories every day. Good grief.
You know how you can avoid it? DON’T CLICK ON THE ARTICLE. Seriously, when something holds absolutely no interest for me, I barely register that there IS a post about the subject and I certainly don’t read it or comment on it. There must be *something* that intrigues you about the Kardashians or you wouldn’t have even clicked on this, much less posted a comment.