There will be a three-breasted mutant prostitute in the 'Total Recall' remake

The problem with modern action movies is not that they are stupider than vintage ’80s action movies, but rather, that they have become so bland, so milquetoast, so flavorless, the entire genre rendered insubstantial by the triple tidal wave of political correctness, the everybody-kinda-likes-vanilla method of winning over the global audience, and the brutal tyranny of the PG-13 rating. For truly, who among us doesn’t yearn for a more colorful time, when action heroes weren’t so emo, when the fate of the world wasn’t always at stake, and when a wild dude like Paul Verhoeven could introduce a three-breasted mutant prostitute into the hallowed history of cinema in the middle of Total Recall. But on that note, don’t despair, friends. Because today is a day for rejoicing: In a video interview with Collider, director Len Wiseman explicitly promises that there will be “a three-breasted woman” in his upcoming Total Recall remake, which will be PG-13. So instead of a prostitute, she will probably be a passionate social worker or perhaps a kooky city girl who’s successful in business but unlucky in love — waka waka Heigl Heigl — but the important thing is that Wiseman clearly states (around the 19 minute mark) that “you can’t make Total Recall without certain things,” which is true about three things in particular.

Follow Darren on Twitter: @EWDarrenFranich

Read more:
Comic-Con 2011: Did fans like their first look at ‘Total Recall’?
Comic-Con 2011: Totally beautiful ‘Total Recall’ stars talk totally awesome footage

Comments (32 total) Add your comment
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  • KC

    Tit for tat.

  • Chucklehead

    Let’s hope it’s got more going for it than this.

    • Tom

      You must be dreaming. Ahahahaha

  • Stacie

    Yes to this article. Yes to Len Wiseman. Yes to Paul Verhoven. Can’t wait to see this remake even though I love the original.

  • Elizabeth

    Why did I automatically think “Chandler Bing”?

    • typeg98

      because Chandler is not “about to show her his ‘tat’. ”
      I think of Chandler each time someone says “tit for tat.” it came from a friends episode where Chandler accidentally saw Rachel’s ___, hence the ‘tat’.

  • dm

    add a few more and she can look like my dog after it had puppies. REAL attractive.

    • Hammy

      Amy Winehouse, had she lived, would have been an easy shoe-in for the three-breasted woman.

      • freddy

        good call

  • Mr. Come and GetIt Ladies

    after Len Wiseman destroyed the Die Hard franchise I can only imagine how he’s gonna butcher this fine film.

    • Therealeverton

      How did he destroy it? It made lots of money, sold lots of DVDs and a sequel is shooting soon. Hardly destroyed. Also the PG13 thing was Fox, not Wiseman (Not saying he’s a great director, just that your statement doesn’t appear to make much sense). What did you mean?

    • muhahaha

      I actually liked the last Die Hard movie.

  • Bob R

    Better idea is go back to the source material, because the first movie was complete garbage, and it looks like this one will be as well

    • Ron

      How is it complete garbage? Most people consider it one of Schwarzenegger’s best films as well as an example of a great action movie.

    • Eric

      Bob, I no longer have any respect for you or your lame opinions.

  • markinnyc

    come on! with today’s cgi effects why aren’t they upping it to four breasts or more?

  • Timhalpert

    Christ, do they have to remake everything, get some original ideas jackasses

    • dharmaswan

      Man no kidding!

      • Tom

        This town has completely run out of originality. It’s just one crappy movie after another crappy movie.

  • Regina George

    This is wrong on so many levels.

  • Chris

    Glad to see they’re setting priorities.

  • Fozzie Bear

    Thanks for keeping us abreast of the situation. Wakka Wakka Wakka!

  • Fozzie Bear

    Can’t wait until the movie comes to HBO so I can watch it on the boob tube. Wakka Wakka Wakka!

  • Liz Lemon

    Sweet! I’m assuming she’ll just be wearing a bra in this version.

  • Rod Steel

    He did NOT say she would be topless!

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