Hide yo' kids, hide yo' wife: 'Hostel' hits the theme park

hostel

Image Credit: Rico Torres

Because when I think “torture porn,” I immediately think “good-time family fun.” Don’t you?! Horror auteur Eli Roth is teaming up with Universal Studios to create a theme-park riff on his 2005 genre-reviving film, Hostel. “Eli Roth’s Hostel: Hunting Season,” takes its bloody bow at Universal Studios’ Hollywood’s Halloween Horror Nights on Sept. 23 and will run through Halloween.

According to a press release from Universal Studios, “The maze will re-imagine the film’s dehumanizing torture chambers and send guests on a spiraling journey through the corrupt halls of Elite Hunting’s torture factory.” Just in case you’re not totally up-to-date on your fictive snuff organizations, Elite Hunting is “a secret society that tortures and kills American youth for sport in exchange for large sums of money.” Sounds like perfect fodder for a theme park, right?

Roth adds, “People will have a chance to experience some exact moments from their favorite Hostel scenes, along with some new surprises.” (For extra kicks, the filmmaker says he might even dress up as a torturer during the gasp-tacular six-week run.)

Clearly this venture is designed to be adult fun, so the idea of a kiddie-park attraction should fly out of your head like so many young American brains after a close encounter with the mace of one of Roth’s Slovakian maniacs. That said, Halloween Horror Nights technically has no age minimum, though Universal does “strongly urge” parents with children under 13 to reconsider attending. Do you think there will be a sign in front of the maze that reads, “You must be at least this tall (and this twisted) to enter”?

Either way, this development is one I didn’t see coming: Hostel meets Make-a-Wish? Is the experience of being bound, gagged, and gutted something that people are really keen on going through first-hand? Maybe Last House on the Left can get in on the action, partnering with NOLS to provide “a truly unforgettable weekend of camping… and more”? Or perhaps there’s a state of Texas-RedMax tie-in looming in the distance for Chainsaw Massacre lovers to win their very own dream house (complete with decked-out dungeon!)?

So, horrorphiles, I can officially say, “Welcome to your nightmare.” What do you think? Is this idea so whacked that it’s awesome all over again? Or are you feeling queasy just thinking about it? If so, you can be sure Roth would be perversely validated.

Read more:
Eli Roth not clowning around, tackling more horror
Watching the Unwatchable gallery

Comments (35 total) Add your comment
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  • commentor

    Sick.

    • AliB

      Agreed!

  • Sandra

    Oh, what fun. Because the words “dehumanizing” and “entertainment” go so well together.

    Bad form, Universal. You won’t get my Halloween bucks this year with that crap.

    • Truth

      Trust me, you are no loss to their profit. Halloween Horror Nights has consistently and rightfully earned it’s title as the best Halloween event in California for years.

  • Chris

    This is the crappiest idea I have EVER HEARD!!!!! Epic fail Universal… EPIC FAIL!!!!!

  • Jen

    I wanna go to there!

  • La

    How is this so different from what Knott’s Scary Farm has been doing for years? Their Halloween mazes are always based on popular horror films like Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Blair Witch Project.

  • Mr. Holloway

    I’m pretty sure Universal Studios had a Saw-themed haunted house during Halloween Horror Nights a few years ago, so I guess the only surprise is that this hadn’t happened already.

    • Jerry

      Exactly. Universal’s Halloween Nights aren’t SUPPOSED to be “good-time family fun.”

  • Brian Wallace

    Actually, they rejected an even scarier concept. The recreation of a world where Roth and his pop-culture ilk (Tarantino, et al) are actually percevied as talented, original writers, directors and (are you ready for the horror?) ACTORS! A world where something like “Grindhouse” WASN’T a TOTAL BOMB! Ahhhhh! THE HORROR!

    Brian

    • Jerry

      Stop signing your name as a signature in your posts.

  • Yuck

    I HATE that movie

    • Bagas

      I agree with Marlena I am a mum of 2 kids school aged and work 3 days a week i have tuysdaes and fridays available but only between 9am and 2pm . i would like to do a group session as well Kate

  • jymmymack

    They’ve done Saw two years in a row, House of 1,000 Corpses and Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

  • La

    So why is this EW writer acting all shock and awe over Halloween scares for adults and older teens?

  • Ruben Reveles

    What a horrible article. You condemned Universal Studios Halloween Horror Nights without even visiting the maze. Have we forgotten that theme parks can do whatever the hell they want. It’s their business we don’t have to go. But next time how about visiting something for yourself before trashing it

  • Christian

    Whoever wrote this needs to grow a pair. Really, this event is MADE for older teenagers and adults that enjoy entertainment of this nature. This shouldn’t be a surprise. It looks great to me!

  • Joe Bowman

    Lame ass movie, lame ass theme park. Makes sense.

  • JackGroceII

    Geez Lanford, don’t get your panties in a wad–it’s just a theme park attraction for Halloween/horror movie fans and it sounds like a whole lot of fun to this fan! I truly doubt Universal intends it for good, clean family fun; that is, unless you’re in the Addam’s family! Lay off the sanctimonious, judgemental attitude too!

  • Gretchen Weiners

    That is SO fetch!

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