Kate Middleton: Ten lessons she can learn from pop culture's most famous princesses

The Royal Wedding is over. Plucky upper-middle-class everygal Kate Middleton has been magically transformed by her big-hatted fairy godmother, the Archbishop of Canterbury, into Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, wife of the future King of England, and someone who will spend the next several decades known widely (if not entirely accurately) as “Princess Kate.” Princess-ing is a hard job, though, so here are ten important lessons the new arrival can learn from ten beloved pop culture princesses.

Princess Ariel of Atlantica: Don’t be afraid to pursue impossible dreams, such as feeding the world’s hungry children or transforming a fish-tail into a pair of human legs.

Princess Fiona of Far Far Away: A good marriage is built on compromises, like sharing the remote control or transforming into a big green ogre.

Princess Leia of Alderaan: Just because you’re in love with the guy doesn’t mean you can’t occasionally call him a stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf-herder.

Wonder Woman, a.k.a. Diana, Princess of Amazons: Don’t be afraid to use your position to inspire the women of the world. Also, never never never wear latex pants.

Princess Peach of the Mushroom Kingdom: Consider having William and Harry train in the fine art of attack-plumbing, just in case you get kidnapped by a turtle-dragon from a foreign power like Liechtenstein.

Princess Mononoke of the Forest: Be kind to the environment. Seriously, you want the wolves on your side when the freakin’ Forest Spirit starts attacking civilization.

Buttercup, The Princess Bride of Florin: Well, you’re already married, so hopefully Will’s a Westley and not a Humperdinck!

Princess Zelda of Hyrule: It’s nice to have private security guards. But you know what’s really nice? Having a mute boy-of-the-forest on retainer in case you need any questing done.

Lumpy Space Princess of Lumpy Space: Don’t be afraid to accessorize! A little star-bling goes a long way, especially if you just rolled out of bed and have to go to a serious media function, or if you’re a purple ball of fluff.

Xena, Warrior Princess: Speak softly and carry a big sword. And you know what? Don’t even speak softly. Just the sword thing will do.

Follow Darren on Twitter: @EWDarrenFranich

Read more:
Kate Middleton’s dress: Most perfect wedding gown ever?
Royal Wedding Coverage review
18 Wonderful TV Weddings

Comments (16 total) Add your comment
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  • tracy bluth

    This is awesome. My personal favorite- “never never never wear latex pants”.

  • JLC

    Another one from Ariel: Occasionally comb your hair with a fork. You’ll still look hot, and it makes you seem slightly daffy and adorable.

  • Alex

    Hahahaha

  • Carmen SanDiego

    awesome

  • Steph

    Haha, awesome stuff!

  • AAR

    From Snow White: Eat plenty of fruit, but be sure to know where it came from. Follow in your father-in-law’s footsteps and go organic!

  • JP

    Who’s scruffy looking ???

  • Kal

    Not to be technical, but Wonder Woman is actually Diana, Princess of Themyscira.

  • Cricket

    From Belle: If the furniture starts talking, just go with it.

  • Lonestar

    Princess Vespa: I really must go back. I shouldn’t have run away. I realize now that love is one luxury a princess cannot afford.

  • Candice

    From Princess Mia of Genovia: If someone offends you, stab them with a Nutty Royale.

  • Katja

    LOL @ “attack-plumbing.”

  • Katja

    Also – Midna, Twilight Princess: Don’t be afraid to continually insult and taunt someone while you use them for your own gain. You’re a hottie, so it’s okay.

  • Michael

    xena would say get a very sexy sidekick/warrior bard.

  • viviennewestwood

    Great article. I cant wait to hear more about your research tool. If it is as good as your other products, then you will have another winner. Your article pretty much summed up what I have been seeing too. Great to see some hard data.

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