The 'Real Housewives of Washington D.C.' premiere: Yes we can recap it

housewives-of-dcImage Credit: Stephen J. Boitano/BravoNew Housewives people, and this time it’s political. A few words of intro before we dive in: In this city, “currency is proximity to power.” Mary wins! Colin Powell lives across the street from her. And she may or may not have gotten drunk and played a couple of rounds of doctor at the Kennedy house when she was growing up. Another thing to know about DC is that there are social climbers everywhere. The Bravo producers gave us a big nudge here by flashing on a shot of  infamous, ridiculous Michaele and Tareq Salahi, the couple that crashed the White House but like to insist they didn’t really crash the White House. And finally, DC really is known as Chocolate City, which makes it extremely odd that there is only one black cast member. That said, Stacie struck me as the most likable and reasonable-natured of the new cast. This may bode poorly for her—she could find herself pushed aside by more dramatic cast members (see: Atlanta‘s DeShawn) or run off by them (miss you Dina!). Alright, let’s meet the ladies proper-like.

Oh Mary, with your loose curls and gloss and biometric block on your closet, something tells me you would be very comfortable in an exchange program with an OC cast member. Mary doesn’t make money, she spends money. And she winky winky lets us know that she was knocked up before she got married to her genial husband with an impressive collection of silly pants. Mary’s grandfather was a famous broadcaster and her dad was a big-time lobbyist. Did we learn what her husband did? (Other than wake up in the morning and think, God, it’s good to have this pretty head of hair.) At Mary’s birthday party she had too much to drink and got obnoxious. She looked at her black friends that she purposely sat together because she just knew they would hit it off and her eyes got a little misty. But first she threw in a very fresh “Oh no you dihhhnit. Girlfwien!” White women, do not do this. Anyways Stacie and guest looked on with weary expressions as Mary wondered why it was that salons today have to be segregated. Yes, our hair is different. Yes, the technique and training is different. But there’s a wave to ride here with our new administration. A change is gonna come.

As for Cat, she’s here for a good time, not a long time. I’m unsure what she meant: Is she heading back to London at the end of her kids’ school year? Is she sick? Is she deep? Cat has the voice of one Marge Simpson’s sisters. She’s writing a book called “Inbox Full” about her wild life. She loves to talk about her wild life. She’s recently married to Charles, a White House photographer, which means that when she’s at dinner parties with people she doesn’t know she’s showing them pictures of Joe Biden on her iPhone instead of taking a polite drink of offered sake and asking the others about themselves. She cannot forgive President Obama, who did not RSVP for her wedding thank you very much, but he knows everything about the couple’s love affair, for not attending her husband’s award ceremony. “Charles’ shots contributed to him getting elected,” she said to a roomful of the unimpressed. President Bush, a proper gentleman, would’ve been there. Also this is Cat’s Tyra Banks impression: “And you ain’t got it going on baby. And I should get your ass home.” Was this a Top Model challenge that I missed?

Lynda, who runs DC’s top modeling agency (which caters to ambassadors, ewww), is a mini Kate Jackson look-a-like with four grown children and a younger boyfriend who is 6’5, black, and beautiful. She thinks Michaele is too skinny because she can count her bones. (Acceptable in a model, not a friend.) And, in declining the Salahis’ annual invitation to their American Polo Club match she scored the line of the night: “i just have no desire to go back or ever be associated with that little goat rodeo.”

Stacie lives in DC proper and makes a mint working for Sotheby’s Realty. Her husband is hot, her two young children very cute. I would’ve thought Mary would have tweaked her more than Cat but again I think that’s about my short fuse when it comes to “Girlfwien!” She did not appreciate Cat knocking Tyra or Barack one bit, but I think this was more born of irritation at a guest hogging up all the air in the room and blowing it back in a snooty accent. All would be quickly forgiven if Cat could get one of the Obamas to come to her next dinner party.

Finally, there was Michaele, the woman with startlingly straight blonde hair and the torso that just won’t quit. Everything about this woman is long and wrong. She would be more tolerable if she exhibited any sense of humor about herself. If, say, when she said “When people meet me they think ‘God she must have no substance…'” she just stopped there and didn’t pretend to have any. And if she didn’t say things about hugs changing the world. “Yes we can!” If she didn’t interrupt a woman talking about how she works as a lobbyist for healthcare reform with distracted claims of “I love you!” while asserting that she was a lobbyist too because she did it that one day and wow, it’s hard work. Tareq is her Prince Charming and they love hotels and does everyone on this show smoke packs of Merit Lights whenever the cameras aren’t on because these women’s voices are shot.

What do we think? Who do we like, who we like to dislike, and who do we just not like?

Comments (126 total) Add your comment
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  • Elizabeth

    I thought having to delete 8 pages worth of chinese text intermixed with english text was a crappy assignment, but I think you beat me Karen. I’m sorry you have to watch this garbage.

    • molly

      I am truly sorry that you actually had to watch this train wreck – if you need the name of a good counseler to deal with you inability to determine good from true trash – letme know

    • edd

      Anyone who watches this show is contributing to the problem.

  • snot

    i wanted to see the first episode to at least see if this housewives was really any different from the other ones. it isn’t. lol. they might have a more clean cut look to them without the spray tans and obviously gaudy jewelry. but their personalities are no different. and i’m pretty sure this show will do very well. and the salahis are a trainwreck i wish could crash and disappear. my god they are incredibly irritating people. no wonder whoopi told them off.

  • Erik Mac

    You know, Stacie and her family is a breathe of fresh air for the show – what? an intelligent, successful and beautiful black woman representing for DC? it’s the only little bit of dignity this show ever had.

    • NQ

      I was born & raised in the suburbs of DC, and lived in the city for 7 years while attending G-town & law school. I have never heard it referred to as a “chocolate” city, and was personally offended by this. In fact, what I love about DC is it’s one of the most culturally diverse areas of the country drawing its population from virtually every part of the world. I really wish that Bravo and the cast mates would drop the stereotypical cultural issues…

      • RK

        That’s what Mayor for Life Marion Barry called it.

      • Madette

        Washington use to be mostly black that is where the phrase comes from “chocolate city” Everyone who lives in the DC knows that. and it is not offensive. U street for instance was one of the few places black artist such as Lena Horne could perform. As far as diversity it depends on what side of town you live on.

      • Carmela

        Clearly you never left Georgetown or Northern VA. DC has been referred to as Chocolate City for years. But if you actually had culturally diverse friends you would know this.

      • Robnj

        Carmela you go ‘girfwien’!

      • ugly nikki

        I don’t believe you…but it reminds me of when I used to worrk at an inner city youth program in CT during the summers and the main teacher, who was in her twentys, had never heard of Richard Pryor…I know its random, but still

      • Jamie

        I was born and raised in D.C. and have ALWAYS heard it referred to as ‘Chocolate City’. It’s like an ‘aka’. I grew up in an all black neighborhood, went to all black schools, all black friends, the whole nine. The whole emergence of diversity came on the scene closer to the mid-nineties, when blocks and blocks of once all black neighborhoods, becamse ‘bought up’ by white people, and when immigrants of all kinds began to make their way to the city. Now it is more of a cultural hodge podge, and as Madette alluded to, even that is relative, depending on what side of the town you’re on.

      • malaika

        I’m sorry NQ, but your DC creds are not impressive, and you clearly don’t know the city as well as you think you do. I was born and raised in DC, and I’m black. DC has been Chocolate City ever since white flight in the 60’s left it with a majority black population. Though things are shifting back the other way now, the city has a past that you don’t seem to know. And please don’t be offended by the term “Chocolate City”. I’m not.

      • Lisi

        You are the ONLY person who does not know DC is called Chocolate City..smh

      • Anthony

        Clearly NQ was living in a bubble because DC has been referred to as Chocolate City for at least a few decades. I guess NQ never left G-Town campus.

      • CJM

        NQ sounds so silly spouting off credentials such as growing up in mcclean and going to georgetown law. of course dc is called Chocolate city that is not an offensive thing that Bravo came up with. you wouldn’t think it it called that if you only see georgetown or Nova but i suggest DQ take an afternoon and explore a little further in the city possibly even beyond NW (gasp)!

        and stacy i delightful! i wish this show was about her and her real friends!

      • Kizzy

        NQ – – you are truly missing some very important cultural informaton if you didn’t know that DC was known as “Chocolate City”!!! How did you miss that very important point?? I have lived all my life in the Midwest, but I travel quite a bit, and when you say “Chocolate City”, everyone knows that you are referring to DC!!!

    • Please

      God. Just cause she’s black doesn’t mean she’s dignified. It’s a trashy reality show. Nobody on these things are dignified!!

  • Sylvia

    The boyfriend was “beautiful”..not sure who is more delusional the writer of this or the D.C women.

    • d.


      • Mick

        I know, right? Now the model she was flirting with earlier in the show…

    • KC

      Yes I didn’t think he was that beautiful…but he seems like a nice enough guy, so that’s good. I thought the stylist was very good looking, but I think plays on the other team.

      • lorelei

        [T]he stylist was very good looking, but I think PLAYS ON THE OTHER TEAM.”
        Gee..ya think?

        Stacie is the most likable. White women should NEVER say, “girlfwend,” or anything close. It’s not cool.

  • Keisha

    Little miss “love affair” is in the process of a divorce already. Also, The Salahis have lawsuits in every county in the metro area for unpaid bills. Also I know someone in the celebrity stylist’s inner circle and he was surprised the show was being aired because the women really did not get along and toward the end it was obvious that they geniunely did not like each other.

    • ?????

      Your surprised this show is airing because the girls didn’t get along and don’t like each other? See The Real Housewives of NY for an example of that. Bravo doesn’t care. Thats probably what Bravo wants! They want drama and ratings.

  • Joy

    What cracks up the people who live in DC is that most of them don’t live in DC or even near it, most people have never ever heard of them or seen them, and they have no “power” or influence or name recognition.

    • christy

      Joy- It’s about DC and its surrounding areas. Lived here my whole life. DC is way too small to expect to find people willing (stupid) enough to want to be on such a vapid show.

      • yo

        uh, that’s not true. i know plenty of idiot wannabes all over NW. and Hill moms as well.

      • CJM

        not true. people that live in nova think they are part of DC but there are plenty of smart successful powerful women that live in DC! most people that live in DC would never live in Nova!

    • keith

      My sense is that is how they all work. I don’t think any of the casts are truly representative of their respective cities. They just happened to be colorful enough, dim enough and desperate enough for attention. The rumor here in Houston is they have been filming a version of the show here. They couldn’t find any local socialites of any true notability to be on the show–just the typical attention-whores who already have a reputation for making fools of themselves. The old money families in town would never appear on these shows.

      • yo

        Agreed. I’ve always said that the only type of people you will see on these shows are new money.

    • RK

      Sounds like the ones in Atlanta…they are all way outside of the city. Aren’t some of them in Fauquier County? It’s easier to commute by helicopter from there.

    • Cass

      Joy, you are 100% correct.

  • Addy

    Don’t feel bad about her interrupting the lobbyist… she’s an obnoxious twit who tells everyone who she works for ALL the time.
    I’m just thankful she’s not one of the full cast members!

    • Diane

      She might be the Kim G of this group. I agree, let’s keep the cameras away from her.

  • Christina

    I personal thought that the show was a BIG disappointment. These ladies do not represent DC at all, DC do not have a Polo Team. I have been living here longer then the chick from the UK. I am discussed with Bravo and the why they are trying to advertise DC. I will not be supporting this show.

    • TT44

      You are “discussed” with Bravo? What did you talk to them about? “DC do not have a Polo Team?” “I personal though that the show was a BIG disappointment.” If you are going to act all high & mighty, you might try checking what you write before you post!

      • Grainne

        Let me translate for Christina: “I personally thought that the show was a BIG disappointment. These ladies do not represent DC at all. DC DOES not have a Polo Team. (Actually, in fact they have two – the Capitol Polo Club & America’s Polo Club) I have been living here longer then the chick from the UK. I am DISGUSTED with Bravo and the WAY they are trying to advertise DC. I will not be supporting this show.” – Ahem…let em concur with TT44 one should make sure one’s spelling, grammar & word usage are on point before one climbs upon the proverbial high horse in a posting- Ahem!

      • malaika

        Grainne: “Let em concur…”? Take your own advice.

  • kim

    ugh. an hour of my life i’ll never get back. these women are, by far, the MOST annoying in the Housewives franchise. Especially that lying White House crasher. She is definitely on something…

  • kj

    thi s one is boring. Not interested in watching an Obama lovefest either.

    • Mick

      Agreed. Most obnoxious, pompous rude woman on the show = friend of evil Bush. Rest of the cast = shocked and horrified that her husband likes Bush better than Obama – as a PERSON. BFD! Maybe Bush IS nicer in an every day friendly kind of way. Have any of the women in that kitchen met these two men in a personal setting? They really lost me on that – I thought HERE we go…it’s like criticizing God when you’re in church. Sigh…

      • KC

        Totally agree. But don’t forget she – ShOCKER – doesn’t like Tyra either!

    • Joanie

      I agree with KJ 1000%. The women and the show is totally boring. At least the other Housewives show have charismatic women. The women in DC on this show have no appealing factors. I dislike the English woman emmensely and the people that crashed the White House party should have been arrested for that as a security breach!

      • lorelei

        Agreed re Cat (Englishwoman)(obnoxious beyond all reason) and the Salahis (the gate crashers)(re being arrested). Although, oddly, I don’t dislike Michaele.

  • Katie

    I gave it a shot…I think it’s going to vanish from the DVR before next week’s episode…

    They were catty, just like the others, but in their own snooty, I’m SO much better and classy than you way…I was glad when it was over…

  • Faye

    The women are too old and too boring to carry a show. I live in and love DC, but the town doesn’t have enough appeal (like NY) in and of itself to attract people to the show week after week if the characters are going to remain this dull and non-interesting.

  • Anissa

    The JERSEY girls could take them!!! Whoopi, thank you!!!!! This Housewife series will go on without me. I can’t wait to see the reunion show for the Jersey housewives. Danielle is gonna get hers.

  • Donna

    pretty soon there will be a reality housewifes show for every city. same ole same ole

  • Diggity

    Cat sounds like a British Kathleen Turner

    • miv

      YESSSSSS! that’s it!

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