Umm, hello? Shel Turtlestein! Fliesaminnelli! Zsa Zsa Gaboa! Best pet names ever! This show is pure genius. Pure genius, I say! These fabulous names, plus a fantastic-looking Judy Greer as Phil’s frisky ex-girlfriend, Denise. (You know Judy Greer, she’s everybody’s favorite go-to friend in almost every single romantic comedy — 27 Dresses? Check. 13 Going on 30? Check. The Wedding Planner? Check.) I mean, come on. How does this show do it week after week? It just gets stronger and stronger. And speaking of getting stronger, on to Manny’s sad-sack comment of the evening: “Lots of stuff that doesn’t kill you makes you weaker.” Why does this little boy’s wise-man depression make me laugh so much?
The theme of tonight’s episode was truth. Phil must come to terms with the fact that Denise wants “a slice of him,” Mitchell must stand up to his boss after he realizes that there are more important things in life than his job, and Jay must confess to Manny that he — not a rogue raccoon — killed the boy’s pet turtle, Shel Turtlestein. The truth will set them free! And it certainly made us giggle.
Oh, I almost forgot, how funny was it when Alex told Luke he was adopted and that Denise was his real mom? I’m telling you, Alex is the dark horse of this show.
Now onto the many, many hysterical quips of the evening:
First, the best interaction of the night:
“Oh my God, gross, I can’t even picture you with a woman.” -Haley when Phil says he is meeting his ex-girlfriend.
“Thank you.” – Claire in response to Haley’s comment.
“You had a girlfriend before mom?” –Luke
“Try two. Trust me, I had plenty of fun in my time. And then I met your mom.” – Phil
“And thank you.” – Claire
“He’s the suckiest suck of all time.” -Mitchell about his boss.
“She’s one of my 447 friends. Everyone wants a slice.” -Phil about his “gal-pal” Denise and his many Facebook friends.
“You’re doing that thing when you say what I want you to say, but your tone seems mean. ” -Phil to Claire
“Women in their thirties on the Internet, they’re like ninjas. They get in their little black outfits and try to sneak their way into your marriage.” -Claire about Phil’s ex-girlfriend
“Yup, only the good die young.” -Jay about Manny’s dead turtle, Shell Turtlestein.
“I’m Columbian, I know a fake crime scene when I see one.” -Gloria to Jay after he lied about accidentally killing Manny’s turtle.
“How did I not know that kid was gay?” -Jay about the name of Mitchell’s childhood bird, Fliesaminnelli.
‘I just figure if my daughter can stand up, so can I.” -Mitchell to his boss.
“I don’t think I can get through this without crying. Maybe we should just go on to the cold cuts.” -Manny during his turtle’s eulogy.
“She bit the air right in front of me!” -Phil about his ex-girlfriend coming on to him.
“Okay, I know the pain is fresh, but the lie is really old.” -Phil after Claire finds out that Phil was dating his ex-girlfriend at the same time he was dating her.
“I’m used to nice thing, what do I do?” Cameron freaking out to Mitchell after Mitchell unexpectedly quits his job.
“Let’s just drink the cheap stuff, because we may have to sell that bottle. ” -Mitchell to Cameron about their celebratory glass of wine.
“And you really didn’t know he was gay?” -Gloria to Jay about Mitchell’s other dead pet, Zsa Zsa Gaboa
“I must have, right?” -Jay in response…
What did you think, Popwatchers? Do you agree that this show amazingly manages to get better and better every week? What quotes did I miss? And did you catch that Phil had a perm, or rather, a Jheri curl in college???