'Modern Family' recap: The low two

Could last night’s episode of Modern Family been any funnier? I mean, I may as well have transcribed the entire episode, because every line had me practically running to my own Porta-Potty. While the whole clan had their side-splitting moments — hello Cam and Jay’s moon landing, which is apparently not as bad as a splashdown — the Dunphy family stole the evening. Between Haley’s hilarious break-up and makeup with Dylan (and his moronic accidental tribute to Say Anything with an iPhone), to Claire’s jealousy of an ex-coworker (guest-star Minnie Driver who was pretty witty in her own right with her bragging about her many lovers and exclamation that she was head of Europe), to Luke’s shirtless “booze binge” (and don’t even get me started on Phil’s faux mustache or getting trapped in a Porta-Potty), the Dunphys certainly did put the capital D in dysfunction, and I mean that in the best possible way. Speaking of “Phil the Thrill,” every week we seem to learn something new and fantastic about him that makes me love him even more. Last episode we found out he was a male cheerleader (of course!), and this week, we discovered he had his own radio show in college titled “Daybreak with Dunphy.” Priceless.

And Manny came through once again, as he ratted out his mom to Mitchell, who’d been roped into representing her in a traffic accident. Turns out that Gloria is a menace to the streets who can’t take any sort of criticism about her driving. Loved the look of terror on Manny’s face when he went all Deep Throat and pretended to tie his shoelaces to spill the beans that his mother caused the accident. (“That was a mistake. Now she’ll know something’s up,” he muttered when he said that he wasn’t hungry while stalling. “I said too much already.”)

Below is just a sampling of some of the many brilliant quotes of the night.

“Luke, that is very offensive to women. Your mom works very hard, just now she works for us.” -Phil to Luke

Best Mitchell and Cam exchange:

“My dream for him is that one day, he’ll be on the Supreme Court.” – Cam about Mitchell’s lawyering skills
“Why Cam?” -Mitchell (just waiting for the punchline)
“So at parties I can tell people my partner is one of the Supremes.” -Cam

Jay’s best (if slightly offensive) quip of the night: “Part of going to the gym is the locker room atmosphere, and if I’m there with a gay guy, it’s just not gonna be the same. I mean for me it’s a locker room, for him it’s a showroom.” -Jay on going to the gym with Cam

“Some people call me a salesman, I call myself a salesfriend, so obviously I need strangers to trust me. I don’t take it kindly when someone Tom Sellecks my bus bench.” -Phil after discovering that someone drew a mustache on his face on his bus bench ad. Love that he turned Tom Selleck into a verb!

“Just test driving my new soup strainer.” -Phil about his wannabe-Tom Selleck mustache

“Once an old lady yelled at her at a crosswalk—she honked so long the horn ran out.” -Manny about Gloria’s bad driving and her inability to take criticism. How fabulous is Manny by the way?

“Oh sure, when you’re gay you just walk around giving butt bumps to everybody. It’s like a high-five — it’s a low two.” –Cam after Jay says that their butt bump helped Cam’s racquetball game.

And finally, the always-critical parenting lesson of the evening:
“You know how in a fairy tale there’s always a potion that makes the princess fall asleep and then the guys start kissing her? Well, this is like that except you don’t wake up in a castle — you wake up in a frat house with a bad reputation.” Phil’s response to Alex when she asks what Jägermeister is. See, we’re all learning things!

So what were your favorite lines of the night? What did I miss? And who knew Anne Hathaway could be so controversial?

Comments (190 total) Add your comment
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  • Flo-Rida

    Great episode. When Jay kept repeatedly rubbing his behind on a stranger’s back, I feel off the couch. And despite the chaos, the show still manages to end with a bit of heart. Classic.

    • Jenks

      That’s what I like so much about this (that, and the fact that it’s the funniest thing on TV right now). After all the hijinks, it always ends with a sweet moment somewhere in the family.

    • Annie

      EW, can’t you delete this stuff? ^

    • Julia

      I don’t recall the family discussing the cost of shoes in the episode last night. :-(

    • mydove

      Thanks, Annie! No one ever says anything about these ads or those for the goth dating website. Myself included.

  • Other Mel

    I don’t know, I didn’t laugh very much at this episode. I mean, some of the lines were funny (Cam hollering into Jay’s phone “YourdadandIhadamoonlandinginthelockerroom!”) but the Gloria and Claire bits fell flat for me.

    • Don

      Good call. Not a very funny episode.

      • Alan

        Huh??? It was one of the funniest!

    • Ambient Lite

      Love the show, but I agree, this one wasn’t the greatest. Manny still managed to shine though!

      • walter

        Troll or real?

      • Ambient Lite

        Troll. Sigh- getting sick of this…

      • Ambient Lite

        What aren’t you smart enough to come up with your own name???

      • Ambient Lite

        Oh my. Now the troll is acting like they’re me, sick of the trolls. This is insane.

      • Ambient Lite

        Question for fake Ambient Lite. Where do you expect this to end up? Do you want me to change my name so you can have my old one, is it too hard to come up with your own? Do you want me to quit coming to the site? What’s the point of all of this?

      • Ambient Lite

        To all of you trolls: stop hating. Do you want me to change my name? Is that it? Sigh. I’m going to go watch The Michael Vick Show.

      • Ambient Lite

        Stop calling yourself Ambient Lite, trolls. I am the only Ambient Lite. No one else is allowed to call themselves Ambient Lite. So whatever you do, do not create a post under mine with the name Ambient Lite, okay?

    • Liz

      I agree. I love Modern Family but this ep was kind of blah compared to some of it’s funnier eps. It was still funniy than 85% of comedies on TV though.

      • Gitano

        I agree that this episode fell flat. And, no I’m not a troll, just a regular person who didn’t find it all that funny. And I normally bust a gut laughing at this show every week. Maybe it’s because the setup was so obvious (about the crazy things happening with the family) that the punchline (Claire bringing her friend over to witness the craziness in her house) was disappointing.

        Totally agree with the Manny love, though. That actor’s got a great future ahead of him in comedy.

    • Arriettty

      I agree. What really had me laughing was the preview from next week with Phil and Claire and the escalator.

  • Noonish

    How hot was the random extra in the lockerroom scene with Jay and Cam….his body was insanely distracting! i rewound 3 times :)

    • Chris

      OMG Yes! I noticed him too….his body was insane, and i loved how they had him pass by twice!

    • Via

      True, but I was also surprised/impressed by Jay’s legs. Who knew Ed O’Neill had such nice stems?!

    • wakeforce

      Yes, I also loved that Cam didn’t even seem to notice him! (the super hot guy)

    • Rayyblon4

      I stupidly accidentally deleted it from my DVR. Anyone happen to know the name of the guy who played the locker room hunk?

  • Anne

    Agh! Learn how to use an apostrophe! It’s not “the Dunphy’s certainly did put the capital…”, It’s “the Dunphys certainly did put the capital…” Plural, not possessive!

    • chowchowchow

      You’re fun

    • Gma

      Gosh, not everyone is an English major. What’s the big deal?

      • Sabrina

        The big deal is that she’s a journalist. It should be right.

      • Tego Livi

        Knowing that an apostrophe is used for a possessive but not a plural isn’t “English major territory,” it’s something that people (are supposed to) learn in 1st or 2nd grade. Professional journalists don’t necessarily have to be William Safire, but they should at least be beyond elementary school.

    • ger

      Or is it Dunphies?

      • Joe g

        It’s a name. It would never bee Dunphies, it would be Dunphys. The y doesn’t change.

      • Anona Muss

        No, I think that would be the Dundies. Wooo! This was the best Dundies EVER!

      • liz

        joe- i’m pretty sure that ger was just kidding with that one

    • Anne’s Panties

      Hi Anne. It’s me. No, not the ones with the holes in them. Yes, the Hello Kitty ones. Listen, I’m dying down here. Yes, I’m on too tight. I’m busting at my seams. Cut me some slack. Love you!

      • krista

        To Anne’s Panties: Now that is funny! And I am English major!

      • Anne

        Agh! No you are not. You missed an “an.” Unless you are truly something that people major in.

      • J.B.

        I have to agree with Anne on the “And I am English Major!” sentence. No explanation needed.

      • yo

        Krista is dumb.

      • jessica

        Dear Anne,

        Listen to your panties, and “unless you are truly something that people major in” is not a sentence.

        Onus is on you.

    • Irene

      Anne, I agree with you. It’s basic English grammar to know the difference between plural and possessive. This drives me nuts. But, I guess we’re in the minority. It is too much trouble for anyone to use correct grammar, they might risk the appearance of intelligence. That said, I enjoyed last night’s show. However, I certainly didn’t think it was one of the funniest episodes. I do love both of the actors that play Cam and Manny.

  • couchgrouch

    the show definitely makes me smile. but it’s not the gut buster it’s made to be.

  • kim in kentucky

    Manny is a genius!! Give this kid an Emmy ASAP!

    • Lisa

      omg when manny tried to “use his cupcake” so he couldn’t talk – you are so right, he is hysterical. and re: daybreak with dunphey – did you hear him say it was a “coveted” time slot (daybreak!!!).

  • jim nickston

    Very trite and predictable . You could see the punchlines miles away. This passes for funny ?

    • Jason

      You couldn’t be further off. What do you consider good comedy? Two and a Half Men?

      • charlie’s sheen

        hey!..wait a sec…i’ll be right back…i spilled my whiskey on these two 15-year olds….

      • bgrass13

        No, ‘Two and a Half Men’ is way too sophisticated. He longs for the return of ‘According to Jim’.

      • jim nickston

        Gay stereotypes are funny too you ?
        The clueless dad who ‘ s been done too dead is funny to you ? Better Off
        Ted is funny . The Middle is funny .

      • erin

        Some people don’t think a show is funny unless a “studio audience” tells them when to laugh.

    • Kevin

      …said the guy with the hollow soul.

      • Rachel

        Hahha like the hollow balls… from last nights episode. :-D

    • Kit

      Wow, I agree! This has to be one of the most overrated shows ever. I’ve given it several chances and the most it gets out of me is a slight grin, now and then. And just because you don’t like this show doesn’t mean you automatically like that dreck, “Two and a Half Men.” “Family” isn’t exactly Noel Coward.

  • Laura Cook

    You’re right: Manny is great. Every character on this show is brilliantly portrayed and written.

    • Ceballos

      My favorite sneaky-funny moment of the evening: Gloria insisting that she was a defensive driver, and Manny starting to correct her (she meant to say that she was defensive about her driving) before she cut him off. (Manny rules!)

      Also, Claire angrily calling Phil “Mario.”

      That being said, not the best “Modern Family” ep, but still plenty to like.

      • Randy L

        Gloria saying something to the effect of: “In my country the police always picked on the Latinos.” Mitchell: “Isn’t everyone in your country a Latino?”

      • Madd

        Haha, I loved that line…Mitchell had a lot of great lines this episode.

  • Bob

    This does pass for funny. It also passes for the funniest show on TV at the moment. Hilarious and awesome. Glad I was able to DVR it since I had to pause and rewind due to my laughing so hard.

  • kingworks

    We’ve started watching this – at least until Glee returns. I’m sure we’ll be back for summer reruns at the very least.

    • Frank

      I believe Glee is moving to Tuesdays, so there isn’t a conflict any longer! I was in the same boat.

      • Kal

        Me too! I’m just starting to catch up with Modern Family now that Glee is on break until April. It’s great that these two shows won’t conflict with each other when Glee comes back.

  • crispy

    “She’s a menace to us all.” – Manny

    • mrs pumperknuckle

      very very funny, thanks for the reminder! Love Manny.

  • mkaffeine

    Clutch episode.

    • Madd

      Yes, I loved how Phil kept saying “clutch”. “Say Anything, it’s a clutch movie.”

  • clubside

    Even the throwaway jokes are priceless like Claire calling Phil “Mario”, but the “say anything…” bit at the end had me crying, the lines were great, but just the image of the dude in the Cusack getup holding the tiny iPhone and its barely audible speaker playing his “Moonlight” song, I was laughing 15 minutes after it was over!

    • Melissa

      I’m not an LOLer at TV when I’m by myself, but when Claire called him Mario I lost it. Prolly cuz I was playing Marion not an hour earlier.

      • moravitz

        I also don’t LOL alone, but I woke my husband in the other room while laughing at the “Mario” line. I love that the writers Tom Sellecked Phil up …

    • Poodle

      Love that the Moonlight song is a recurring theme! It’s those subtleties that make the show so great.

      • haleysname

        everytime the moonlight song is on the show my husband and i end up singing it the rest of the night. I absolutely love it!

      • Shelby

        Jesse Ferguson (Mitchell) was on Fallon the other night and The Roots played the moonlight song when he came out. It was soooo funny. That song is a classic!

    • Sarah

      “Say Anything”

      • shonna

        “Cluth Movie”

    • Keisa

      Oh yes!! I was crying when she called him Mario…the 1st thing I thought of when I saw the mustache was Super Mario Brothers. And when the workman called him “Brother” and Phil was soooo proud, I cracked up!

      • Randi

        I love how ABC has pulled daytime stars into their prime time schedules. The workman plays Coleman on GH, and Barb from Cougar Town is Diane on GH. Love the cameos!

    • Rose Tyler

      Damn song gets stuck in my head every time they play!

      • Reese

        EVERY time!

      • Liz

        Yes. I’ve been walking around work all morning humming it.

      • Lynny

        They should really put it on itunes. I might as well have it since I sing it in my head A LOT!

  • AN

    How about Phil’s “We got married and five months later…we were four months away from having Hailey.” HA!!!

    • Johnification

      That was my biggest laugh of the night!

      • Randy L

        Yeah, and the look on Hailey’s face!

    • charlie’s sheen

      haley is hot hot hot…loved her love leap…

    • moravitz

      Forgot that one. Hilarious.

  • kay

    Their last name is Dunphy? I don’t think I ever knew that.. Liked when Phil commented on the kids breakup, “I’ll text him later”
    It wasn’t one of the funniest episodes yet, but I’ll keep watching..

    • Kate

      Phil’s last name is Dunphy (so Claire, Hailey, Alex and Luke), I have no idea what Jay and Mitchell’s last name is.

      • Sabrina


    • llevinso

      Haha, I forgot about the texting line. And the look of weirdness on Hailey’s face after he said that was awesome.

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