Jake is the new Bachelor. What, was a box of rocks not available?

Jacob_lThe day we’ve all been dreading has arrived, Bachelor fans. The wise folks over at ABC’s hit fauxmance factory have seen fit to choose Jake, the exceptionally bland pilot from Dallas who defended Jillian’s honor from Wes’ cheatin’ heart last season on The Bachelorette, as the new Bachelor. I think my reaction to this news can best be summed up in one word: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Look, it’s not like previous Bachelors (with the possible exception of Bob) were bursting with personality, but Jake takes vapid to a new, almost creepy level. (See: falling into stalker-level love with Jillian after one cowboy-themed date at an empty honky-tonk bar.) Remember that scene in Coming to America where Eddie Murphy meets his arranged bride-to-be, and when he asks her what her favorite food is, she says, “Whatever food you like”? Well, Jake makes that lady look like a dynamic life partner. Never mind that the producers had two perfectly solid options in jilted Bachelorette suitors Reid (that lovable neurotic germaphobe) or Kiptyn (less lovable, but at least he isn’t Jake), but no, they had to go with the guy who looks most like a Ken doll, and who—let’s face it—is going to be easiest to manipulate. Okay, PopWatchers, I need to know what you think. Will you be watching The Bachelor: Robot Pilot Seeks Mate when it premieres in January? Or does the prospect of watching Jake’s crushingly boring style of courtship for 13 weeks make you want to weep tears of silent misery?

Kevin Foley/ABC

Comments (313 total) Add your comment
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  • dsnk

    As someone who has watched every season thus far, I can say H to the N way will I be watching this season. Ah, an hour of my life each week back–thanks, ABC!

    • Katie R

      Would have been HILARIOUS if Wes was the new Bachelor. I would TOTALLY watch that

      • Gayle

        You know what they say..”watch out for the quiet ones” He might have more up his sleeve then you all are giving him credit for.

    • DomeFoam

      Actually, it’s 2 hours each week of your life back. :)

      • Pat

        I was bummed hearing that Jake was the new bachelor. But, looking at it as 2 hours each week that I get my life back is a neat way to think about it. Thanks.

      • dsnk

        You are right, DoamFoam! 2 hours–even better!!! Now I just need to make a good to-do list so I don’t just watch 2 hours of something else on TV instead–way too easy to get sucked into that…

      • JT

        Just do what I do… skip the 2-hour episodes each week but come here the next day to read the recaps. That way I still kinda know what’s going on but I don’t hate myself as much for following the show.

      • Shannon

        You’re right. Thanks for the reminder. Maybe I’ll start that novel….:-)

    • Shannon

      Ditto, H-to the-No! I cannot believe it and you’re right Kristen it’ll be like watching “ABC-The Bachelor: Jake P, let’s watch paint dry” How will he ever find the “right woman”? All his dates say he’s so perfect and looking for Mrs. perfect. ugh! so disappointed…noooooooooooo!

    • amy

      I can’t wait for Jake!!

    • Shade

      am I the only one who DIDN’T fall for the self-proclaimed ‘superhero’ routine that everyone seemed to be eating up last season? Seriously, that guy was so PRESUMPTUOUS to assume that even though she kicked him to the curb, that somehow it’s HIS business to ‘defend her honor’. The guy thinks he’s god’s gift to the world and probably spent way to many hours alone in his room as a kid pretending he was Luke Skywalker rescuing the princess

  • jane

    reid would’ve been a MUCH better choice! jake is cute but he doesnt have much charisma, he’s really vanilla!!

    • wakeforce

      jake is the guy women overlook, but then thier boyfrirnds treat them like dirt and they come crying to the guy deemed “too nice”. they only get what they DESERVE!

      • Muffy

        Good Girls date Good Boys; Bad Boys date Bad Girls. IOW: Mother Teresa would never marry Hitler.

    • Sara

      I think you should wait to state your opinion until you see the first episode. That’s what I’m doing! He might end up being chocolate LOL

      • jane

        you’re right – he could surprise me! i liked jake during the bachelorette (he’s adorable) but i liked reid better. but im gonna watch it!

      • Nick T

        “He might end up being chocolate LOL”
        That’s cute!

    • lls

      i agree. reid or michael s. were the best choices. jake seems like a nice guy, but if abc wants him to find love get him an eharmony membership. don’t subject bachelor fans to 2 mindnumbing hours of him.
      i guess it’s just one less show my dvr will have to deal with.

  • Stefani

    Never watched and now I never will.

    • Melissa Fan

      Why bother to post any comment at all about a show that you have never seen? You are waste of space.

      • SharB

        Melissa, there’s no need to be mean. Everybody is entitled to their opinion.

    • Ash

      Then why even reply on this blog?

      • litterbe

        because it is a free country and you can reply on a blog for something you don’t watch if you want to. I personally never watch and never will. this is a stupid show for stupid people

      • Shannon

        Exactly! Go live your life, while we “waste” ours on reality tv! LOL I love it.

  • lovely.

    hes so hot though! whats not to love. I would watch the show just to seem HIM. >:]

    • Mary

      You are in the minority thinking Jake is hot. I guess you didn’t watch the show when he was on it before. The other guys on the show didn’t like his acting like he was so much better and he did this crying jag in front of the cameras outside of Jillian’s hotel room in what had to be the most fakest moment I’ve ever seen on tv.

  • Karena

    OMG- Jake is the last guy I would have wanted to see as the new bachelor- he’s the type you can imagine hand washing and ironing his jockey drawers and placing K-pads on the bed sheets! I saw him on DWTS tonight and his hair was all f’d up like he’s started going bald since he was on the ‘rette’. He’s so NOT worth watching! GAG!

  • Trisha

    Really, really disappointed in Jake as the next Bachelor. I still remember his insipid and fake crying in hall outside Jillian’s room, when he tried to “save” Jillian. Maybe he just came cheap. Can’t imagine what the producers were thinking. He most likely will go down as the most boring bachelor and who knows maybe it will end the show permanently.

  • Kim

    I’m definitely not watching. That’s such a lame choice. Bachelor fail.

    • Khristina

      LOL I was thinking more like Epic Bachelor Fail…

      • Jennifer

        I was thinking people should stop using “fail” all the time.

      • Khristina

        And I’m thinking go suck an egg, Jennifer. Wait…you would probably “fail”…in an “epic” way…Idiot.
        :-)

  • leo

    I was a huge Reid fan, but I’m guessing he turned it down. Jillian was their third choice (offered first to Molly then Melissa) and I’m thinking Jake might have been too.

    My friends really liked him, and we always watch together, so I will probably keep watching. I’m sure ABC will be able to get enough crazy girls to bring the drama :)

    • DEGJ

      Yes, I recently met Reid at a networking event (we live in the same town), and he told me that he turned it down to pursue other options. I don’t know about Kiptyn though– I’m assuming he was asked and turned it down, too. Jake is going to be such a snooze.

      • molly

        I think Reid realized that he can do better in Philly than go on The Bachelor.

    • Jelana

      The show’s really about the crazy girls anyway. That he’s so bland might actually serve to make the girls even more entertaining.

  • Misty

    I am sad to hear the announcement that Jake is the next Bachelor. I’d rather watch Kermit The Frog be the next Bachelor than Jake. I won’t be watching next season. I have skipped other seasons, so I’m not just saying this to be ‘dramatic’.

    • Fridge

      Well, the Muppets seem to be popping up everywhere else, why not on the Bachelor? And honestly, who wouldn’t want to see Kermit FINALLY hook up with someone other than Miss Piggy? I really think you need to pitch that idea to the network. I’d totally watch! :)

  • Mia

    Seriously – really, ABC? Jake’s the best you could come up with? I’m so bored already, I can’t even finish this sentenzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    • DEGJ

      HAHAHHA!

    • dsnk

      Ha! Good one.

    • Mimi

      LOL!!

  • AND

    this is the worst news i have ever heard

    • wat

      Can I have your life? This isn’t the worst news I’ve heard TODAY and I just woke up.

      • Melanie

        Best reply ever! Thanks for the chuckle.

  • Pat

    I saw on Dancing With The Stars tonight when they announced that Jake was the next bachelor. There he sat as boring looking as ever. Darn, I will just skip the next Bachelor show. I wonder if he will pull the weird crying bit. What a downer.

  • Beth

    Lame

  • Joan

    This is just horrible. Why Jake. He was such a boring and many ways weird guy. Would not want to be on a plane he was in the flight crew. Maybe the most boring guy can meet the most boring lady. I will definitely skip this next Bachelor.

  • Kris

    This can’t be true. I thought how lucky Jillian was that she didn’t end up with Mr. Boring. His crying was really sad and uncomfortable to watch. May the producers just change their minds.

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