What are you talking about? It’s May. 30 Rock‘s season 3 is over, and the star-studded "We Need a Kidney" musical number is still in my head. Get it out! The Kidney Now! extravaganza was sweet and all, and if Alan Alda really did need a kidney he’d have a bevy of matches (for Dr. Spaceman to shoot down) by 11 p.m. But my preferred story line of the finale by far was Liz Lemon’s emergence as the real-life "That’s a Dealbreaker!" lady. Yes, the woman whose love life is consistently (and oh so endearingly) a disaster, who has less sexual experience than a suburban seventh grader, and who had to call upon the emotional cues of her Sims family in order to advise Jack on his daddy issues is now doling out the dealbreakers with sass ‘n’ style. Big time. THIS is what I want in my head all day. (Press play below.)
S. That. D. Shut it down. Dealbreaker.
More on the season finale — plus, name your favorite quotes from season 3 — after the jump.
The Vontella-as-Tyra spoof was brilliant, even though Vontella failed to relate 98 percent of her talk show’s subject matter back to herself and was therefore not truly believable as Tyra Banks. Lemon was a clear hit on TV, even though she initially whined "Can’t we just keep doing magazines?" (That’s a typical sentiment ’round these parts — thanks for the shout-out!) But her newfound persona backfired just as Lemon got her Dealbreaker book deal. Turns out she didn’t always know the whole story: Pete shouldn’t have to "guide the bull during mating" with his giant hands (ewwwwwww) and Tracy needs that secret hotel room for his twice-weekly ritual of pooping in peace. I love the way the guys’ rage-fueled name-calling — "LIZ LEMON, YOU DUMB BITCH" and "THERE YOU ARE, YOU STUPID CRACKER" — delivered the ego blow to Lady Dealbreaker we all knew was coming. Lemon could and should never be on a winning streak for too long. She’d just get less Lemon-y. I can think of nothing worse.
The Tracy subplot underwhelmed a bit, but I loved "Frank Lucas High School" (ha!) and his singling out of the gay kid ("Who told?") and the lone white kid in the graduation audience. Also great: Jack and Milton "having a catch" in his office. (Don’t ruin it, Milton…) Just like Jimmy and Trip Carter! And nice shout-out to M*A*S*H with the chicken-and-a-baby comedy bit. "That’s all you got?"
Besides the kidney situation, there wasn’t a whole lot at stake — so this barely felt like a season finale to me. But a sweeping musical number with tons of famous people can sort of make up for that. I hope they make something of the Clay Aiken-Kenneth Parcell familial connection next season. And Lemon better get that book deal. And that "you’ve got two more years at best" quip from Jack….well, I refuse to apply it to 30 Rock itself. Not on my watch, biotch. Dealbreaker.
Okay, just for fun — and because I’m always looking for an excuse to say or type them…
MY ENTIRELY SUBJECTIVE TOP 5 LINES FROM ’30 ROCK’ SEASON 3
5. "When he saw these [sneakers], he asked me when my cult was committing suicide" –Lemon, trying to convince Jack that his biological father was funny, in "Mamma Mia"
4. "Actually, they used footage of me from my high school swim team to draw [The Little Mermaid's] Prince Eric" –Dr. Baird (Jon Hamm), to Lemon in "The Bubble"
3. "Top Front? Good lord, Lemon, that’s your worst quadrant!" –Jack, to Lemon, after she’d attempted to seduce Brad (Roger Bart) with some heavy petting in "Cutbacks"
2. "You came out wrong" –Stewart LaGrange, U.N. High Commission on Water Temperature and Food Taint, to Lemon after she mistook him for a child yet again and said "That came out wrong!" in "Senor Macho Solo"
1. "I don’t know…have you ever put a doughnut in the microwave?" Lemon, to Jack, after he said his favorite 25-karat gold dessert was like nothing else on earth, in "St. Valentine’s Day"
What were your favorite quotes from the season?