What are you talking about? It’s May. 30 Rock’s season 3 is over, and the star-studded "We Need a Kidney" musical number is still in my head. Get it out! The Kidney Now! extravaganza was sweet and all, and if Alan Alda really did need a kidney he’d have a bevy of matches (for Dr. Spaceman to shoot down) by 11 p.m. But my preferred story line of the finale by far was Liz Lemon’s emergence as the real-life "That’s a Dealbreaker!" lady. Yes, the woman whose love life is consistently (and oh so endearingly) a disaster, who has less sexual experience than a suburban seventh grader, and who had to call upon the emotional cues of her Sims family in order to advise Jack on his daddy issues is now doling out the dealbreakers with sass ‘n’ style. Big time. THIS is what I want in my head all day. (Press play below.)
S. That. D. Shut it down. Dealbreaker.
More on the season finale — plus, name your favorite quotes from season 3 — after the jump.
The Vontella-as-Tyra spoof was brilliant, even though Vontella failed to relate 98 percent of her talk show’s subject matter back to herself and was therefore not truly believable as Tyra Banks. Lemon was a clear hit on TV, even though she initially whined "Can’t we just keep doing magazines?" (That’s a typical sentiment ’round these parts — thanks for the shout-out!) But her newfound persona backfired just as Lemon got her Dealbreaker book deal. Turns out she didn’t always know the whole story: Pete shouldn’t have to "guide the bull during mating" with his giant hands (ewwwwwww) and Tracy needs that secret hotel room for his twice-weekly ritual of pooping in peace. I love the way the guys’ rage-fueled name-calling — "LIZ LEMON, YOU DUMB BITCH" and "THERE YOU ARE, YOU STUPID CRACKER" — delivered the ego blow to Lady Dealbreaker we all knew was coming. Lemon could and should never be on a winning streak for too long. She’d just get less Lemon-y. I can think of nothing worse.
The Tracy subplot underwhelmed a bit, but I loved "Frank Lucas High School" (ha!) and his singling out of the gay kid ("Who told?") and the lone white kid in the graduation audience. Also great: Jack and Milton "having a catch" in his office. (Don’t ruin it, Milton…) Just like Jimmy and Trip Carter! And nice shout-out to M*A*S*H with the chicken-and-a-baby comedy bit. "That’s all you got?"
Besides the kidney situation, there wasn’t a whole lot at stake — so this barely felt like a season finale to me. But a sweeping musical number with tons of famous people can sort of make up for that. I hope they make something of the Clay Aiken-Kenneth Parcell familial connection next season. And Lemon better get that book deal. And that "you’ve got two more years at best" quip from Jack….well, I refuse to apply it to 30 Rock itself. Not on my watch, biotch. Dealbreaker.
Okay, just for fun — and because I’m always looking for an excuse to say or type them…
MY ENTIRELY SUBJECTIVE TOP 5 LINES FROM ‘30 ROCK’ SEASON 3
5. "When he saw these [sneakers], he asked me when my cult was committing suicide" –Lemon, trying to convince Jack that his biological father was funny, in "Mamma Mia"
4. "Actually, they used footage of me from my high school swim team to draw [The Little Mermaid's] Prince Eric" –Dr. Baird (Jon Hamm), to Lemon in "The Bubble"
3. "Top Front? Good lord, Lemon, that’s your worst quadrant!" –Jack, to Lemon, after she’d attempted to seduce Brad (Roger Bart) with some heavy petting in "Cutbacks"
2. "You came out wrong" –Stewart LaGrange, U.N. High Commission on Water Temperature and Food Taint, to Lemon after she mistook him for a child yet again and said "That came out wrong!" in "Senor Macho Solo"
1. "I don’t know…have you ever put a doughnut in the microwave?" Lemon, to Jack, after he said his favorite 25-karat gold dessert was like nothing else on earth, in "St. Valentine’s Day"
What were your favorite quotes from the season?
![[The Little Mermaid's] Prince Eric"](http://ewpopwatch.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/jonhammprinceeric_l_2.jpg){kind=link}
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I want to know what’s under Michael McDonald’s beard. I never watched MASH so I didn’t get the chicken and babies joke. Loved Frank Lucas high school and him pointing out the gay dude. The whole Liz storyline was great because there are so many people giving out bad advice and bad catchphrases getting book deals out of it (he’s just not that in to you). I hope Jack’s dad lives so we can see some fighting about politics. Mary had a 20 year committment at Sea World. They have to show Kenneth and Clay together. They actually kind of look a like. WHO WAS THE GUY SINGING WITH CINDI LAPER? They kept showing him but I couldn’t place him. I wish they would have showed Tracy singing his song Fat Necks for this finale.
Your number one quote is hands down my favorite from the season… I feel like my friends and I can’t help but say it every time we go out for dinner. Last night’s “Science was my favorite subject in school – especially the Old Testament” – a close second!
Salma Hayek’s character scolding Alec Baldwin in the church – “Jack, how could you lie to me – and right in front of Sister Mary Aloyuis, THE PATRON SAINT OF JUDGMENTAL STATUES!” I still laugh at the line and her perfect delivery of it! Emmy nom, please!
I paid my way through Princeton working the day shift at the graveyard and the night shift at the Day’s Inn. – Jack
We all have ways of coping. I use sex and awesomeness. – Jack, impersonating a guy at Liz’s high school reunion.
“one time at summer camp, i kissed a girl on a dare, then she drowned.” – liz, to oprah
The chicken-babies crying “I thought this was a comedy show” may be the funniest line ever said in a cameo on 30 rock ever. Of course you have to be a little bit over 30 to actually get this reference…but wow! I have told several people about it at work today and we are all laughing and telling where we were when watching the last M*A*S*H stories
From the episode “Reunion”…
Liz: Once and for all I want to say I’m sorry.
[Carrie blood drops]
Liz: You know what, suck it you whittling IHOP monkeys!
Jack: Lemon, the jets waiting.
Liz: That’s right! A jet! To New York Citay! Lemon out!
“if i have learned anything from my sims family, when a child doesn’t see his father enough, he starts to jump up and down, then his mood level will drop, until he pees himself.” – liz, to jack
“one time at summer camp, i kissed a girl on a dare, then she drowned.” – liz, to oprah
“Mickey Rourke wants to take me camping!” is personally significant given my revived obsession with Mickey (the camping part would be the dealbreaker there for me), but it also reminded me of my favorite Jenna-related quote from “Jacktor” when Liz tried to explain to Jack that acting is so easy, even Jenna can do it and she was once engaged to David Blaine. The show’s brilliant. As for favorite quotes from this season, there are just so many to choose from… Here’s one from Jack in “Generalissimo” – “In Puerto Rico, elderly women are held in very high esteem. … … You should go there, Lemon. They’d love you.”
It isn’t much of a quote, but my favorite moment from 30 Rock this season was when Jenna burst into Tracy’s room yelling, “Look at me! I’m a monster!” I lizzed a little.
Too many lines to choose from. The show gets better every year. See you next season 30 Rockers, LEMON OUT! (OK I picked one: “Puerto Rican!!!”).
Jenna: Everybody shout out words that describe my beauty.
Peter: Fading.
Cerie: 80s.
Richard Esposito: 1880s
Tracy: What is this, Horseville? Because I’m surrounded by Naysayers. Wordplay!
Liz: That is solid…
Kenneth: Well, also speaking as a white male…
Jack: No. You’re not. Socioeconomically, you’re more like an inner-city Latina.
And from “Funcooker” – Jenna singing as Janet Jopler: Synonym’s just another word for the word you want to use…
Can anyone add to this list of the “Kidney Now” artists?:
Elvis Costello
Mary J. Blige
Clay Aiken
Sheryl Crow
Adam Levine
Adam Horovitz & Mike D (Beastie Boys)
Sara Bareilles
Wyclef Jean
Norah Jones
Talib Kweli
Michael McDonald
Rhett Miller
Steve Earle
Moby
Robert Randolph
Rachael Yamagata
Cyndi Lauper