If you tuned in to last night’s Celebrity Apprentice expecting to see the fallout from last week’s Rivers freak-out, you, like me, were sorely disappointed. After all that yelling, cursing, and storming off, Joan showed up for the challenge the next morning (fashionably late with fashionable oversize sunglasses) with only a passing mention of the previous night’s explosion. I didn’t buy the ”will she/won’t she return” bit, because if Joan loves anything, it’s being the center of attention — it was no surprise she went back.
This week, the final five had to create an original jingle and a 30-second radio commercial for Chicken of the Sea. Insert obligatory Jessica Simpson/”Is it chicken or tuna?” joke here: Brande represented the endearing ditzy-blonde contingent well, by spelling crap S-R-A-P, cracking up, then explaining it’s because she was going to say the S—…that other word but used ”crap” instead. Now, I’m pretty sure Brande isn’t actually a dumb blonde, but I do think she’s ditzy enough to have actually spelled crap with an ”s” by accident, not just because of a slip in speech. Just saying.
The Trump kids helped out dad by keeping tabs on the teams. I’m downwith Ivanka — she seems smart and observant — but I just can’t get pastDonald Jr.’s hair to remember anything about his personality. I knowthe crazy hair thing must be genetic, but at least Trump Sr.’s got anold guy pompadour instead of a slicked back ”creepy guy at the bar”’do.
Annie’s musical talent was ”slim” to Brande’s ”none,” yet thetwo managed to write a cute, catchy jingle that complemented theirmoms-at-the-park commercialperfectly . KOTU, on the other hand, had aGrammy-winner project manager (and one extra member), so their victoryin the challenged seemed preordained. Clint wrote a twangy jingle andJoan wrote a cute game show commercial.
In a bout of awkward phrasing (”The radio, which I come out of, youneed zippier things”), Joan made a valid point in assessing her team’swork. In this case, by ”zippier things” Joan meant a weird-assvoice-over at the end of Clint’s song going "Cluckcluckcluckcluckclucksplash.” Now, I’m no fan of Clint’s, but that is one piece of inputI’m glad he chose to ignore. However, the ignored suggestion that hespeed the song up a bit, echoed by Ivanka, seemed like it would comeback and bite him in the boardroom (which it totally did).
Both teams seemed to perform admirably, but the big tuna execsworried that Clint’s country-tinged jingle wouldn’t appeal to a broadaudience. In a good ol’ reality show staple (harp on one outcome somuch that it’s obvious the other will happen), the Annie-led Athenamanaged to beat Clint Black in a songwriting challenge. Trump likedClint’s jingle — though did he really? Or was it just an excessive,ego-stroking pat on the back? But Trump acknowledged it was theproject manager’s fault, and FINALLY fired Clint. Bummer getting firedfor the challenge that catered to his exact skill set, but it was along time coming.
Annie seemed really excited about her win (as she should be, she’sthe winningest project manager of the season, and she beat a Grammywinner in a songwriting challenge), then called Joan a cancer, which Ican’t decide is better or worse than Hitler. Jesse congratulated Athenafor pulling the win ”out of their ass,” then the four were calledback into the boardroom. Reigning champ Piers Morgan interviewed theremaining contestants, then reported back to the boss man with histhoughts on who should be in the final two. In the interviews, Brandetalked about how she’s totally smart, Joan said she regretted comparingAnnie to Hitler because Annie doesn’t have a mustache, Annie talkedabout herself a lot, and yet again, Jesse’s worth was measured only inthe fact that he’s married to Sandra Bullock. Unfortunately, theunderdogs didn’t pull through this week, and it’ll be an Annie-Joanfinale (surprise, surprise).
Did you see the Hitler versus Cancer final two coming a mile away?Who were you sad to see go this week? Who are you pulling for in nextweek’s supersized three-hour live finale? Were you offended by Joan’sHelen Keller joke? And how cute was it that Piers used the British”two fingers” when referring to the rude gesture we do with just one?