I wish the entire season could be shot from Jill’s beach house. Life is nice there, with naps and watermelon and Bobby fussing over everybody as he waddles around in long white tennis shorts. Bethenny and Jill are having the best sleepover ever, with most of their lives being conducted from Jill’s four-poster. Jill brought up the J-word, and Bethenny finally revealed that she and her silent man from season 1 are taking a break. Jill’s parents sailed into town, and we were reunited with the incomparable Gloria and met the dear Sol. Gloria managed to sit Bethenny down and talk some Jewish mother sense into her. Gloria encouraged therapy and insisted on happiness. Bethenny cried. Gloria soothed. Bethenny cried. Gloria adopted Bethenny. Bethenny cried. In the end, Gloria thrust her hand in the air, before scooching back into the rented Lincoln, and shouted "My love goes with you always!" It was one of the finer exits in reality TV history.
In other Housewife news: LuAnn badgered more people to call her a Countess and had her mother at her side during a cancer benefit. Though, truth be told, her mother looked like she had been kidnapped and was waiting for her daughter to slip on her silk eye mask later that night so Mama could grab the leftover Meatball Bagger and make a run for it.
Ramona brought Mario a lizard to a dog’s birthday party and revealed a hidden past. Now she’s not bragging or anything, but twice in the mid-’90s she contributed to Cosmo articles, and by contributed she means she let someone smear bacon grease over her thighs and lifted a barbell while bleating out the ubiquitous list of 10 rules no Cosmo girl ever breaks if she wants to land herself her own lizard.
Simon and Alex spent $8,000 on clothes — $8,000 that I’m further convinced they simply don’t have — and almost orgasmed when the shop keeper brought up the possibility of a Puff Daddy party. We’d gotten an unnecessary crotch shot of Alex in the store, and then a lingering profile view of Simon in a speedo at the beach. All was forgiven, though, when we were treated to a background shot of Simon being tossed by a wave and forced to eat mouthfuls of sand. Welcome to the Atlantic Ocean, bitches.
In the real world, Kelly had to make a living. She writes a column called The Socializer, apparently, so it’s her job to cover events. Hooray, finally something to humanize Kelly for me. Now I can watch someone else for a change clutch their sad little notebook and hover meekly in the corner sucking down a weak cocktail as they reach and miss for the passing crabcake plate. But then off she went, skipping into a fantasy land of Hugo Boss models where she did lots of posing and preening and air-kissing. She declared the event "foxy," and called it a day.
Next week, Kelly falls off a horse and Simon’s nipple guest stars.
So, PopWatch faithful, do you also want to be adopted by Gloria? Who would yourather be stuck in Alex and Simon’s cramped beach house with — Kelly orJill’s gay husband Brad? Do you ever get the feeling that the Count isup to no good on his many work trips?
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i absolutely love bethenny and jill!! they are hysterical together. if the show ends, please give them their own show. cannot stand luann and the way she keeps making people call her countess, or alex and simon.
LuAnn’s obsession with people calling her Countess is absurd. It’s not like she or her always absent husband did anything to earn a title. And I’ve come to love the Alex/Simon vignettes. It’s like driving past a car accident – you can’t help but gawk. They are so pretentious, their taste in clothes is trashy and the sight of Simon in a Speedo hurt my eyes!
I saw Simon’s t-shirt and didn’t know what the 1740-1814 reference meant so I googled it. It’s birth/death years for the Marquis de Sade. Huh???
Excuse me, and I hate being a hater, but why does this crapfest get a recap when Big Love, Damages, Friday Night Lights, Heroes and a bunch of other actually good shows do not? Almost every show EW is recapping is reality TV — have you guys completely given up on scripted shows?
Luann. What a piece of work. Before she married this “count,” did she know any of these alleged rules she so adamantly expects everyone else to follow? She had to learn them (or make them up). You know, and maybe wherever he is a “count,” they would be impressed with the title, but, as far as I know, it doesn’t mean much here. Except to Alex and Simon.
Where is the recap for the Housewives of Orange County reunion? The NYC show was ok, but the OC reunion was noteworthy. Who out there thinks that Tamra was justified in outing Gretchen?
Where is the recap for The Closer and Real Housewives of OC? Let me check TV Guide.
My remote batteries died, so I couldn’t change the channel, and there is no off button on the tv, so I was forced to watch this crap. These women are AWFUL. Not a nice one in the whole group. They are all shallow and materialistic. $8,000 for what? A crappy blue suit jacket with shorts and a pair of shoes! People who are stupid enough to spend that kind of money on useless stuff don’t deserve to have it in the first place. $8,000 would help a lot of people at homeless shelters or keep a little league going, but these idiots spend it on ugly, stupid clothes. Not one redeeming quality in any of these “ladies”. I will be going to the store now to stock up on AAAs so that I never, EVER, get stuck watching these useless wastes of space again.
To LuAnn: My aunt is a Countess, and when she orders pizza over the phone, she tells them her name is Charlotte, because that’s what it is. Not everyone gets the Countess thing. Lighten up.
so even the pizza boy has to call her Countess? I HOPE she was kidding. If not, I think her insecurities are showing. And I wouldn’t mind seeing Ramona replaced..she doesn’t add much to the mix.
Simon and Alex make me want to vomit.
Why do twits in stores tell Alex she has a flawless body? She has terrible posture, saggy boobs, bad teeth, bad hair, and is as pale as a ghost. Do they need to sell that many pastel suede shoes? God, she’s a nightmare. Don’t stroke her anymore.
LuAnn I sure hope the book you are printing reflects on a couple of things you did wrong as well. When the guy opening the car door and was only trying to extend his hand and greet you you looked like how dare you approach me…..im somebody important. Lets get off that cloud and I also love Jill and Bethenny their mutual friendship and Alex and Simon I’m warming up to. I do think everyone is quite hard on Simon, and Gloria wins the prize Jill how lucky you truly are to have such a warm loving mother. She rocks too along with Bobby Vegas! A faithful fan here!
I cannot stand Alex does anyone really think she is attractive? and what’s up with the kid’s hair?
Julie — twits in stores tell Alex she has a flawless body because they know someone as shallow as she is will eat it up and spend $8000 on crappy clothes. Got to love being on commission!!!