I’m not gonna lie to you: I stopped watching Dancing With the Stars somewhere around the start of season 4, mainly because the viewing experience started reminding me of those mornings where you’re in the shower, and for the love of all that’s holy, you can’t remember if you’ve shampooed your hair or not. I’d sit there on my couch and think to myself, "Have I or have I not already seen Edyta Sliwinska wrapping her legwarmer-clad gams around this middle-aged C-lister to the tune of En Vogue’s ‘Free Your Mind?’" In other words, it’s my firm belief that DWTS has a casting problem; its former boy-bander + vaguely recognizable "supermodel" + former pro athlete + former teen star formula is as stale as the six remaining Christmas cookies on your kitchen counter this morning. (You know, the ones that are trying to tempt you away from your recommitment to diet excellence in 2009?)
Anyhow, this isn’t to say that I don’t sometimes miss the cheesy charms of DWTS, and so this morning’s MSNBC headline — Is Hugh Jackman ready to go ‘Dancing’? — gave me the briefest of heart flutters, followed almost immediately by the realization that the man tapped to host the 2009 Oscars is about as likely to join the next installment of ABC’s reality competition as Cloris Leachman is to get outfitted with adamantium claws and headline one of the year’s most hotly anticipated action vehicles.
That said, the preposterous Jackman rumor — promptedby DWTS hostbot Samantha Harris’s claim that she approached Wolverine to lace up his ballroom shoes — got me thinking: Who would DWTS have to cast for its upcoming eighth season to get me watching again?I’d start with Wanda Sykes, who’s funnier than any previous DWTS "comic relief" provider, but might actually be fit enough to contend for the crown. I’d also scrap the traditional casting of a former 90210/Melrose Place actor, and instead offer a spot to any member of the cast of the late, great Thirtysomething. (Corey Parker or Mel Harris would get my vote.) And since previous dancing experience didn’t prohibit Lance Bass or Joey Fatone from cracking the top 3, I’m also going to nominate the indomitable Bebe Neuwirth. Throw in celebrity pitchman BILLY MAYS (all caps because the man is always turned up to 11), NYPD Blue star Henry Simmons, any member of defunct girl groups such as 702, 3LW, SWV, or Jade, and Olympic skier Picabo Street (just because her name is superfun to say), and I am totally in. Who would it take to get you excited for another go-’round of DWTS? All must be revealed!
Comments (1-30) of 73 Add your comment
They should cast ANNIE BARRETT. She’s already the only reason to watch.
Oh the fact that she should be paired with Maks should be pretty implied.
My votes would be for any of the women of Ugly Betty (especially Vanessa Williams or Judith Light), Sarah Silverman, Neil Patrick Harris, or Michael Slezak.
Chris Noth would be a great contestant to watch!
Giada De Laurentiis
Michael S: I only read this because you wrote it, as I am not a DWTS fan. You made me laugh while reading the first sentence. Out loud. At my desk. Thank you. Happy new year!!
Marc Blucas – he has movie credits that are credible (significantly more than one) and he is an almost pro basketball player so is physically fit. I also read he doesn’t drink and is very competitive – so he would be a serious contender. The fact that he is attractive also works!
Bebe Neuwerith gets my vote. Of course, it’d almost be unfair to everyone else.
BILLY MAYS – Hilarious and awesome.
How about Duff from Charm City Cakes! Or Tom Colicchio or Padma from Top Chef. Oh I know! The chairman from Iron Chef! The possibilities are endless!
Michael Ausiello! Micheal Aussiello!
Thanks for the Henry Simmons flash back – a nice little sigh at my desk this morning…
Um, if we have to stick with our token Disney Channel person, I’d love to see Corbin Bleu (cause he’d win the whole thing).
They need to find some current celebrities to compete on Dancing with the Stars. They need to get off the habit of getting former ’80s or ’90s stars on it because they haven’t won the competition at all. They let the nostalgia of the former stars get to their head too much. Otherwise it will look like VH-1’s Celebreality concept of their reality shows if they’re not careful. Also, they need to shy away from sports athletes for a while.And why not Hugh Jackman? I’d like to see Robert Downey Jr. on it–he’d provide some hilarious humor with his dancing. Lastly the boy band members are becoming tired to–have they run out of finding someone from the Lou Pearlman era of ’90s boy bands? You can’t have Nick Lachey of 98 Degrees because he’ll turn it down big time! They need to start fresh and different this time.
Henry Simmons in tight pants and open shirts every week. I’m so in.
First, 2 of the 3 girls of 3LW are now Cheetah Girls on Disney, so that wouldnt work – as they are still popular. They need to make the cross-over to relevant people – not has beens looking for some laughs.
As long as we’re going with a chef, why not Bobby Flay? As for women, what’s Alyssa Milano doing these days?
Bebe Neuwirth is a trained dancer with many musical theatre credits to her name. That would be an incredibly unfair advantage.
Harvey Fierstein!!!
But I would TOTALLY watch for Wanda Sykes (speaking as someone who’s never been able sit through a whole episode of DWTS…that’s saying a lot.)
Paula Deen!
Simon Cowell
Wow if Hugh was on this show, there would really be a “Star” on the show! Not just a bunch of washed up has beens looking for a chance to get seen again. This show has never been something I could watch as I have no interest in seeing these sorry losers again.
I would avidly watch if Wolverine joined but since that isn’t likely to happen, here are my choices:
Goofball: Dane Cook
Singer: Amy Winehouse
Male eye candy: Mark Wahlburg
Female eye candy: Kathy Ireland
Male athlete: Becks
Female athlete: Mary Lou Retton
Not so over the hill elder: Cheryl Teague
Over the hill elder: Jack Nicholson (because I couldn’t think of anyone else!!)
Former boy bander: Donny Wahlburg (because pitting brother against brother would make great ratings)
Teen princess that gets voted off prematurely: Vanessa Hudgens
lauren graham would be a natural.
Richard Simmons!
Didn’t Celine Dion once say she wanted to be on the show? That I think would be interesting. I would also like to see a Star Trek actor like Jonathan Frakes, Gates McFadden, or Michael Dorn on the show. How about Kate Mulgrew?
Bebe Neuwirth looks SCARY in that picture! *shudder*
Star Jones!!!!!!!
What a great idea about a former Star Trek actor! Star Trek fans would support them avidly, much like the General Hospital fans supported Kelly Monaco… however, now that I think back, maybe that wasn’t such a good thing. No, seriously, I think that’s a great idea!
It would be great to have stars who are known for their dancing abilities:
John Travolta (who my heart goes out to right now), Kevin Bacon, Patrick Swayze, Richard Gere, Zac Efron, Jlo, Uma Thurman, Chris Brown – Yeah right fat chance that any of those end up on the show…
When selecting my picks, I wanted to ensure I did not vote for anyone craving the glory-days attention that motivated so many of the previous contestants. I also had to ask myself, “Do I really want this person to re-emerge as an ‘It’ celebrity?”
Older actor: Adrian Paul (Highlander series)
Older actress: Joanna Kerns (Growing Pains)
Former Teen Idol: Soleil Moon Frye (Punky Brewster)or Emmanual Lewis (Webster)
Former Athlete — Greg Louganis (Olympic Diver) or Mitch Gaylord
This is just a start…