What's worse: Michael Bolton or the lash?

About four times a year, Colorado judge Paul Sacco punishes people convicted of violating local noise ordinances by forcing them to sit in a room and listen to music they absolutely loathe for an hour straight. He claims the unusual sentence, which has included intense sessions of Barry Manilow, Barney the Dinosaur, and The Platters’ "Only You," has cut down on the number of repeat offenders. Manilow is definitely not my cup of tea, but I imagine being able to let it kind of melt over me after 10 minutes or so. Should I ever be caught making a racket in Sacco’s neck of the woods, he could best punish me with Whitney Houston’s "I Will Always Love You," Michael Bolton’s "How Am I Supposed to Live Without You," with Kenny G on sax (clip below), anything by ABBA, or, yeah, Barney the Dinosaur. Your turn, PopWatchers. What music would have you longing for a good old-fashioned caning?

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  • MK

    “No One” by Alicia Keys. I know people love that song, but it might be THE shrillest song I’ve ever heard. Although my eardrums would probably explode after a couple of runt-throughs, so maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.

  • Mike


  • LisaMama

    Anything from the Jersey Boys soundtrack or anything from that era — it’s like nails on a chalk board for me. I probably could handle Michael Bolton as long as it was just listening to him, and not watching his cheesy, long-haired videos.

  • Ceballos

    “Savvveeeed BY Zeeee-roooo!”
    Honestly, I can’t stand the 15 or 30-second commercials with that song. If I had to listen to the snippet used in the commercial for an hour, I’d probably hang myself after a few minutes.
    “Saved by Zero! Saved by Zero!”

  • Nix

    The second “Let’s all talk about something we hate” post, huh? Okay, I’ll give you mine — gangsta rap. But I’m beginning to wonder if there’s not some plan to get us to express our negative feelings in items like these, as opposed to what is really p*ssing us off in pop culture, which EW has been force-feeding us for the last five months.

  • Kelly

    I love Hanson, but listening to MMMBOP for an hour straight might kill me.

  • gypsy

    Any one of those Rod Stewart Great American Songbook albums—they make me want to run. Far away.

  • tina

    I agree with NK about “No One” by Alicia Keys. Just thinking about it makes me wince.
    But the song that would really do me in is “Heroes” by Mariah Carey.

  • ccross

    Any sort of loud, obnoxiously repetitive house music would effectively send me running and screaming in the opposite direction with heels kicking and purse flying. Also, any song I really like constantly interrupted by a DJ every two or three bars of music with pointless “banter”.

  • Craig

    Two words. Jessica. Simpson.

  • b0bbyr0we

    Blasphemy, I know, but I cannot stand James Taylor.

  • jj11

    ABBA rules. You are a tool

  • MWC

    I’d rather be punched in the junk for an hour than listen to a Celine Dion album. Make it two hours if I had to actually watch her perform.

  • Nose

    Nickelback, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Nickelback, Creed, Jessica Simpson, Nickelback, anything on the Top 40 in the last 5 years, Nickelback.

  • Stephanie T.

    Leave ABBA alone! I can see how The Winner Takes it All can be annoying, but the rest of the stuff is good.
    1. The Saved by Zero commerical
    2. Whitney’s I’ll always Love You
    3. Anything by Celine Dionne
    4. I will Survive by Gloria Gaynor. This song will be banned at my wedding whenever it will happen.
    5. Anything by Michael Bolton
    6. How Bizaar?
    7. MMM-Bop!
    8. Anything by The Backstreet Boys
    9. “This is the song that doesn’t end!!”
    10. Meatloaf:
    A) I will Do Anything
    B) Two Out of Three. This is one of the most OVERPLAYED breakup ballads ever!

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