You may have missed our highly educational photo gallery of 25 Things Pop Culture Taught Us This Summer. But does it really matter what we think? (Yes!) We’re wondering what you learned from the past few months’ movies, TV, books, "the Web,"* etc. The Wall-E one we used said "Cockroaches really will outlast mankind (Wall-E), but that’s gross so I’ll go with this one: "It’s possible to find true love despite knowing only two words (Wall-E)." Much cuter, and perfect for The Lazy.
Okay, P-Funks: What did you learn in the great lecture hall of entertainment this summer? "I fell asleep" is, of course, acceptable.
*Not sure why I put "the Web" in quotes up there. Lately, I’ve been struggling against a crazy compulsion to come up with a different way of referring to the Internet. But I have no idea why. It’s a struggle I’m learning to live with. What kind of lesson is that? Whoa.
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Musicals for the win! – WALL-E, Mama Mia and Dr. Horrible’s Sing-a-Long Blog helped make my summer. I’m still singing the Big Horse theme song.
Easy: Its worth enduring a few spoilers to catch Annie Barrett’s cameos on AusielloTV.
Tom Cruise can really dance.
Tropic Thunder
What I learned?
*That an ancient system of threading can be decripted by binary code
*That wax can heal wounds much faster
*Mice strapped with explosives are cool
*You can be sniped from many miles away
*Despite relentless destruction, the police really doesn’t give a crap
Or at least that’s the invaluable knowledge I might need if I plan to live in the wacky world of Wanted.
I learned, from Wanted, that if you play a tough guy/gal role, less dialoque is required, ie; Angie Jolie in every action role. People ask here questions and she either walks away and says nothing or just says nothing. If she takes the role in Salt, her dialoque will probably be able to take up a page and a half.
*Hot guys always have shrill girlfriends. (Wanted)
*Plot twists that kill off a pivotal character prior to that character’s promotion only leave the audience confused, even when they turn out to be a mere ruse. (The Dark Knight)
*Despite unsanitary conditions, open chest wounds don’t get infected. (Iron Man)
Oh, a more personal lesson learned was that I haven’t met a Rihanna song I don’t like.
That hulu.com is an awesome way to catch up on shows you missed last season such as Friday Night Lights and 30 Rock.
Rachel, I might revise that to “So Tom Cruise Thinks He Can Dance?” coming this fall on CBS.
Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog
- Never reveal your plans of attack over a blog
- Always shoot the guy first before launching into a song about the world as it’ll be after you shoot the guy
- When your dating options are a tool or a weird guy from the laundromat, run away as fr as possible.
- All you need to do to get groupies who will ponder why you need/wear sweatervests is either be a tool or kill someone who’s semi-known.
- Joss Whedon is master of us all!
Never confess to your ex (that your hoping to reconcile with) that you had sex with someone else while apart – Dexter season 2
There really is no limit to the number of times an episode of “How I Met Your Mother” can make you laugh.
Logic doesn’t need to play any sort of role in a movie so long as things blow up and there are hot people to ogle. (“Wanted”)
Nathan Fillion’s got a hammer in his pants.
Even vampires can live happily ever after. (“Breaking Dawn”)
Even Britney can clean up nice. (VMA ads)
That a quick and easy way to dispose of a suitcase full of crystal meth is by switching out the contents of the suitcase with your dirty laundry and then mixing said meth with the chalk used to mark the lines at a baseball diamond. Thanks In Plain Sight!
I learned a disturbing new way in making a pencil disapear.
You cant get a nerf gun and whip your arm around to curve the dart.
Being around dead people still is uncomfortable no matter how many times you are around them. (BURN NOTICE)
*Gwyneth Paltrow has the rare gift of being able to run across a steel grating in stilettos without getting stuck. (“Iron Man”)
*There’s no need to worry about diseases and infections when digging through mummified remains without gloves or a face mask. (“Indiana Jones”)
*No matter who directs and stars in the movie, audiences just don’t really care about The Hulk. (“The Incredible Hulk”)
*Even with a better actress in the part, Rachel Dawes is still a really irritating character. (“The Dark Knight”)
*No matter how bad a movie is, someone, somewhere, will still love it. (“Tropic Thunder”)
Also
*Tom Cruise is hilarious and should stick with comedies from now on. (“Tropic Thunder”)
Guys who sign up for the Marines based on the dress blues commercial will end up in a flak suit smelling like four days of piss (urine’s not as funny, but the filter will probably block piss) and ball sweat. (Generation Kill was AMAZING)
For some reason people seem to think if a guy can win 8 gold medals, he can also act. I don’t see the connection, but someone must.
Disfigurement makes you homicidal. Thank you Joker and Harvey Dent for teaching me this valuable lesson.
* Since pandas don’t have their own way of fighting, they have to settle for Drunken Style. (Kung Fu Panda)
* Comic book legend Stan Lee often gets mistaken for Hugh Hefner. (Iron Man)
* No matter how big, thuggish, and cross-eyed a prison inmate may be, he could still have a heart. (The Dark Knight)
* Scottish ex-priest pedophiles cry blood. (The X Files: I Want to Believe)
* Billy the Big-mouthed Bass will never die. (WALL-E)
* America will never embrace the brilliant Steve Coogan. (Hamlet 2)
and I’ve learned once again…
* Disney ruins everything. (“Ebert & Roeper at the Movies”)
*That I am apparently the last remaining person in America who has not read any of the Twilight books, does not have any plans to read them, and could give a $#!& less about the movie
*That there’s something oddly fascinating and appealing about a schizophrenic mass-murdering clown with zero empathy (especially when said clown is attired in a nurse’s uniform)
I learned that America has moved past caring whether or not a white actor pretends to be black and moved on to caring about how many times the word retard is used.
I also learned that Pierce Brosnan should stick to carrying tunes in a bucket.
Just thought of a couple more…
* Jar Jar Binks is only the SECOND most annoying character in Star Wars history. (Star Wars: The Clone Wars)
* Lesson in comedy: Delivery is everything. (Norm MacDonald at “The Comedy Central Roast of Bob Saget”)
* You can be virtually a saint and still win a reality TV contest. (Top Chef)
…and finally,
* The Shrek stars can’t win every summer. (The Love Guru, Meet Dave, and What Happens in Vegas…)
That it’s OK for Paris Hilton to sleep with half the country, rack up DUI charges, and “star” in some of the most abysmal films in Hollywood history (hello, “The Hottie and the Nottie,” which I did NOT see, for the record). . . but the moment a presidential candidate mocks her in a campaign ad, the Mother Unit’s claws come out.
Beijing is 12 hours ahead of EST. Yes, it’s simple, but a month ago if you’d have asked me what time it was in China I definitely wouldn’t have been able to answer you with the dead certainty I can now.
- If at first you don’t succeed, try try again (The Incredible Hulk).
- If you’re good at something, never do it for free (The Dark Knight)
- If you hit someone with a computer keyboard at exactly the right angle, you can spell words (Wanted)
- slushies won’t melt or slide on windshields, they just stick (Pineapple Express)
- 10-year-olds can run armies (Tropic Thunder)
- Machines will still save us in the end (WALL-E)
- a snake could kick my ass in kung fu (Kung Fu Panda)
- It’s okay to be a jerk as long as you’re funny (Iron Man)
- Stand still and say nothing; you’ll be alot scarier (The Strangers)
- Preppies, Jocks, and Greasers will always hate each other (Indy 4)
- China is good at everything, but only when they play at home (The Olympics)
- The dumber the better (America’s Got Talent)
- You can burn the chef TWICE and still win (Hell’s Kitchen)
- Squealing like an idiot is an acceptable critique (So You Think You Can Dance)
- Nobody cares anymore (Last Comic Standing)
I’ve managed to avoid every “Breaking Dawn” spoiler thus far… until I click on this article and one of the pages that pops up spoils it for me! No warning or anything! Thanks for nothing!
Things I learned while watching the 2008 Summer Olympics:
5. China is actually a beautiful country.
4. There’s a cool slide at the end of the Great Wall that you can ride as a means to get down.
3. People will eat anything if it’s on a stick.
2. If you host the Olympics, you get a monopoly on medals.
1. Michael Phelps is a god!
Yes! Boo EW! I also learned that all the hard work I put into avoiding spoilers for Breaking Dawn was for nothing when I clicked through those damn pictures. I’m now trying to un-learn whatever I read there.
A few other things I learned…
Rihanna can release songs that don’t sound like the needle’s stuck in a groove (yeah, I know, I’m that old);
Reality shows are here to stay, reruns are a thing of the internet now;
Teenagers’ secret lives are inane, confused, scary, ridiculous, self-involved – and I’m glad I’m past that age.
Dixie: You’re not the last one. I can list at least 10 others, including me.