Approximately two hundredths of a second after Usain Bolt casually destroyed the world record for the 100M dash last weekend, it occurred to every blogger on the planet that the Jamaican prodigy would be an irresistible subject for the right rapper. That speed! That swagger! That chill chest-bump! "Who will be the first MC to say ‘run the tracks like Usain Bolt’?" twittered New Yorker critic Sasha Frere-Jones on Sunday afternoon. Blender’s Ryan Dombal independently predicted Lil Wayne would be the first to shout out Bolt’s name — a fair guess, given Weezy’s prodigious productivity and well-known enthusiasm for televised athletics. And a very funny message-board post (some NSFW language) suggested some sample Bolt-themed rhymes in the style of various likely candidates. (I’m particularly fond of the pitch-perfect groaner that the poster imagined Kanye West spitting: "I said I had to bolt, girl was like ‘Are U Sane?’")
Anyway, now that Usain Bolt has trampled over another world record last night in the 200M, let us note that the Gold in this competition actually goes to EW fave Wale. In a hot posse cut that hit the Web yesterday, the D.C. dynamo brags that he’s "ready for war/We bring it to ‘em like Usain Bolt, gone!" Not bad, and you can’t beat that timing. Someone give Wale a medal! (On a related note, Wale may also hold the record for the first rapper to name-check Michael Phelps, way back in 2005.)
So, now that that’s settled: Any other artists you’d like to hear rapping about the fastest dude on earth? Personally, I’m holding out for a hip-hop crew that’s bold enough to compare themselves to the unbelievably unbeatable beach volleyballers Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh…
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Hmmm, a rapper name checking an obnoxious, showboating, unsportsmanlike punk? Imagine that…
Forget Bolt and beach volleyball- when are they going to start rapping about table tennis?
Ode to Table Tennis:
Ch ch ch check it,
Yo, I can hit with the back of my paddle,
I’m going ride you all night long while I get on my saddle.
Ace in the corner, off the green table,
no, my name’s not Ann of Green Gables.
But will you have any idea that Lil Wayne actually named dropped him? Call me old, but I have a hard time figuring out anything that guy says half the time.
What, what…
Coming off the board, fool,
outta my way,
smokin’ other divers,
like all damn day.
In the water, it’s bikini,
in the village it’s bling,
I’m the baddest f-ing diver,
I’m Guo Jingjing!
Yeah, sorry about that. White boy here – guilty as charged!
Good post Simon. I’ve got another question– who do you think is going to be the first rapper to say that they’re like John McCain and can’t remember how many houses they own? I would go with Hov…he’s working on the new album now, been dropping a few Obama references, and most importantly, probably has more houses than he even knows about.
Hey Stinky Pete.
Your wrong about Bolt.
He’s a good kid. Everybody likes him.
The athletes love, and emulate him (including various discus throwers, marathoners, runners, Pole vaulters), the Chinese people sang happy birthday to him 2x in the birds nest, the reporters loved him during his press conference, and he donated $50,000 to the earthquake victims, and met with those kids.
Just because a guy was happy, that doesn’t make him a jerk.
The guy is young, it’s his first olympics, he’s from Jamaica (very celebratory people), and he knew he won the gold medal (and couldn’t care less about a world record).
Stop falling into stere-types.
I’ll try not to fall into stere-types. Should I also be on the lookout for stereotypes, too?
Viscious D: You’re late. Indie rapper Cage already name checked Olympic table tennis bronze medalist Wang Liqin in a guest spot on Aesop Rock’s “Getaway Car” from his album “None Shall Pass” early this year.
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