No, I’m not referring to their Burnt Sienna-tinted flesh — your eyes will have to wait exactly one month to be singed by that. Gossip Sauce has posted Dancing With the Stars‘ season 7 cast — it’s not confirmed yet, so take it with a grain of salt or, more appropriately, one lone sequin.
UPDATE, August 25: According to ABC’s official release, Rocco DiSpiritowill replace Mark McGrath, who faded away sooner than predicted. Other than that, for the next few months….THIS IS YOUR LIFE! Erica Kane! Frau Blücher! Jefferson from Married…With Children! My early allegiance has to go to Misty May-Treanor, who along with partner Kerri Walsh, pounded the Chinese into a sandy pulp last night to become back-to-back Olympic beach volleyball gold medalists. I am DIGGING this news, you guys. She’s going to ACE this competition. Maybe she will KILL someone. Okay, that’s enough. Here’s some quick evidence of Misty’s already-perfect dance moves. My obnoxiously flippant initial reaction to the complete cast list is below.
Kim Kardashian: Ugh.
Lance Bass: Of course.
Toni Braxton: "Say you love me a-geh-ainnnnn…"
Brooke Burke: Her?
Maurice Greene: Do not spray-tan this man.
Cody Linley: Who?
Susan Lucci: This does not bode well…
Warren Sapp: Mmm…beef.
Misty May-Treanor: :-*
Ted McGinley: Oh, cool — the series will be cancelled post-season and I’ll get my life back!
Mark McGrath: "…and fade away…"
Rocco DiSpirito: His legs look like nice-uh spaghett-iiii
Cloris Leachman: EMTs, stand by.
Jeff Ross: Ha?
Who’s ready? (I’m really not, yet.)