Hasbro updates Clue. In the spa. With the baseball bat.

CluehasbroWhen it comes to treasured childhood toys, I don’t like change. Just ask anyone under seven in my family who has to deal with my constant complaining regarding the fact that Polly Pocket is no longer pocket-sized, thus making her whole name maddeningly misleading. So upon hearing the news that Hasbro decided to update its Clue board game to attract younger audiences, I was as red as the carpet in the library after Miss Scarlet was killed by Professor Plum with the revolver. Some of changes that make me cringe: The now-excessively pimped-out mansion will boast more rooms — including a spa and theater — and Colonel Mustard will shed his military garb in favor of a football uniform as a former sports star. And prepare to say goodbye to the lead pipe, which has been replaced by three new weapons — a trophy, a baseball bat, and an ax.

For me, the reason I stayed home on Saturday nights to play Clue loved the game was because it was so archaic. It was far more fun and silly to solve the crime when you imagined it being committed with such ridiculous turn-of-the-century objects as a lead pipe and a candlestick holder. (Michael Slezak, on the other hand, likes the addition of the ax, making his case with the irrefutable rebuttal, "Axes are hot.") Plus, Hasbro’s going about this all wrong. Come on, if we’re really going to make Clue modern, shouldn’t Miss Scarlett — now with a first name: Cassandra — have a sex tape and her own E! reality show? And Hasbro should at least include a pair of sunglasses so players can tear them off David Caruso-style when they say, "Mrs. White, in the hot tub, with a bottle of Cristal. Looks like she showed her true colors."

Comments (37 total) Add your comment
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  • Chris G

    so does that mean they won’t be making the old edition anymore?
    as long as they dont remake the movie i’m fine with it.

  • BrandonK

    I suppose when they remake the movie it’ll be based on this updated version. :0(

  • Heather

    I have to go with Slezak on the ax being an awesome addition, but Colonel Mustard should have stayed the same!

  • Winona

    Sacrilege!!! I did also enjoy the archaic nature of the original Clue. Of course, there are approximately 1,435 different versions of Monopoly floating around (don’t forget to pick up the Beatles Monopoly, by the way!)…

  • Laura

    I think this means I need to go buy my own personal copy of Clue right now before the changes are being sold. I need to have the REAL copy for when I get married. Although the ax does sound cool, I strongly dislike having more rooms and weapons – the games hard enough as it is!

  • jcarla

    You forgot to say that Plum is no longer a professor but now a dot-com millionaire. He was a professor originally because he was to be the smartest person in the game. “Video game creater” does not strike me as smarter.

  • DancerDC

    I still have the same box I had in the 70’s, and will never replace it with this silly modern remake. Why tinker with a classic?

  • Julie

    Newsflash: “turn of the century” now means 1999, not 1899, so they are still turn of the century. Just not MY century, ya know? I have no objections to updating, but there was no reason to give the characters first names. Who freakin cares about that? But I love the idea you had about the sunglasses. Love it!

  • Jenn

    Also, like a nerdy video game creator would be invited to a “party mansion” — it’s like Gossip Girl the board game. yay. Way to kill childhoods, Hasbro. :|

  • Scott

    Hasbro killed Clue. In 2008. With jank totally lame updates. I win.

  • alm034

    Hands up everyone who thought of The Soup when they read the CSI: Miami reference.

  • Melinda65

    I’m hanging onto my copy of the game, bought 20 years ago. I’m not interested in a “reality tv” version.

  • Dan

    I read somewhere they were remaking the movie because “the first one was so unsuccessful”. That’s according to some studio chief . Umm… maybe the studio chief was three when the movie came out, and he wasn’t quite aware of the film’s cult on video and DVD. The movie perfectly emulates the old version of the game, which is, itself, already perfect. So… (sigh). Another sign of the apocalypse. I going to hide under my bed. Even if axes ARE hot.

  • Wojo

    This doesn’t bother me too much, as long as the original is still available in some capacity, as others have said. I’ve already accepted that the Clue brand can be changed and altered. I’m the proud owner of Simpsons Clue, and The Great Museum Caper might have been one of the best board games ever. Besides, they’ve made changes before such as adding Sgt. Grey, Ms. Peach, and a garden to the game in a special version.

  • orville

    I’m all for an “update” if it’s just a quirky pop culture version (I have a Simpsons version of Clue lying around somewhere). But if it’s just to make it “hipper”–no way. They’re classics for a reason. Just make a “Hills” or “Gossip Girl” version or something and leave Miss Scarlett and Colonel Mustard alone.

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