All right. Despite the fact that I’m not sure you people earned this, I shan’t go back on the promise I made after humiliating my friend Lindsay Robertson last week. Here, in all its glory, is my tragic and depressing audition tape for Survivor: The Australian Outback. I was 100 percent serious about this.
Allow me to set the scene: The year is 2000. In the dead heat of a Queens summer, a 25-year-old girl sits alone in her basement apartment, located within spitting distance of the Triborough Bridge. Despite the blazing sunlight off the Grand Central Parkway’s access roads, it is dark in there, and sad. When not at home, the girl usually spends her days teaching theater at NYU or driving vans full of sets and props around the Lower East Side, but on this sweltering afternoon, she has borrowed her boss’s video camera and spent at least an hour talking into it at random, looking for a way out. Her video editing skills are spotty at best. But she has a dream. And on this day, she didn’t yet know that her dream was already dead.
The comments are open. Be kind.
i love you whitney.
Awww! You’re so cute! I never pictured you like that. How do did you go from Survivor wannabe to EW superstar?
Thanks for being so vulnerable. Your stock just went waaaaaay up!
Please take heart– I also made a tape for that show (also on a camera borrowed from my boss, oddly enough) and while the tape has been lost to the forces of time and three apartment moves, please believe me when I say that, compared to it, yours is like Tyra Banks being interviewed by Kathy Griffin, as shot by Francis Ford Coppola. Plus, I had to get my passport renewed to qualify, complete with a photo of me at a time when I had just happened to have developed a cold sore. Still have it; (the passport, not the cold sore) the damn thing’s good for another couple of years. So I really don’t think you have that much to feel bad about.
I heart you, Whitney! I already did but even more so now.
utterly adorable
I agree with the other James. I love it, and do want to hear the likely amazing and entertaining story of how you went from a career in theater to a pop culture afficionado at EW!
Love it!
Oh, whit. I had to stop after scruffy. I <3 you though, so maybe I'll watch the whole thing later, after I put myself in a 'not laughing at ppl' tude (in a nice way though!)
Good job Whitney – I could not have done such a thing!
Scruffy is the new black!
LOL Whitney, that vid cracked me up. I can understand why you’re ashamed of it, though.
Best quote: “…stab dingos in their sleep to feed my little tribe”. Yes, you must have had much dingo-killing exeperince in Queens. Still, this was cool.
Whitney, you’re so brave. It’s great. I did stuff like that when I was 25, but I still won’t cop to it, much less show everyone. Thanks!
“So i’ll see you soon, or not…i dont care….no, i do, i do care!” hahah
brave brave soul, Whit. I’d never post my Real World audition tape. Never. ever.
http://thelittlestwinslow.wordpress.com
I love you Whitney. Seriously.
Yes, Whitney! I love it! I wonder though: after you got rejected, did you still watch the show?
I can totally relate to your mindset. A few years after college, doing a horrible job, wondering what the hell happened. Get me out of this hell hole indeed!