Friday night, while my sister was in town for a "Being Fearless" conference and listening to Mia Farrow speak about Darfur, I was lounging in her hotel room and watching the Miss USA pageant for the first time in at least a decade. Before you say, "I know who got the brains in that family," you should be aware that my sister asked me to watch it, and that she was thrilled that she made it back to the room in time for the Final Question.
This year’s pageant, hosted by Donny and Marie Osmond on NBC, was in Vegas, which I’m assuming is why the 51 contestants started the show in skimpy, sequined cocktail dresses. Here, you can really appreciate the detailing on the bodices of their garments in this video of the Top 15. (Would it have killed them to pan up to their faces?) The swimsuit competition was full of amazing little moments as the contestants, clothed in faux fur wraps, black bikinis, and stilettos, worked the stage to a 10-minute live version of Finger Eleven’s "Paralyzer." (My favorite moment being at 9:40, when a cameraman shot through a contestant’s legs to capture one of the band members.) Next, came the "evening gown parade" to Rihanna’s "Umbrella." I’m still trying to figure out why Miss Missouri thought it was a good idea to show her thong, and why Miss Oklahoma’s cutout dress earned her a 9.318. Of course, only the Top 5 actually got to speak. I was disappointed that judge Rob Schneider’s name wasn’t one of the five drawn for the Final Question (embedded below). But at least we got Project Runway winner Christian Siriano! He asked Miss Oklahoma which famous person she’d like to help better herself. Naturally, she chose Britney Spears, which wouldn’t have been a bad answer had she said that it was for the sake of Spears’ kids and of the children who still look up to her. (Instead, it was so Spears could "go on to the next deal.") I believe Heather Mills deserves full credit for dashing Miss Pennsylvania’s hopes: Mills asked her if it’s a good thing that cosmetics companies are marketing beauty products to girls in elementary school. Pennsylvania’s answer: It depends on the product.
Here’s my question: Is the Miss USA pageant always this ridiculous*, ordid I happen to catch a particularly noteworthy year?
*Yes, I’m just jealous of their bodies. You’re absolutely right.
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I think the Miss AMERICA pageant was a bigger and classier (as these things go) deal way back in our parents’ and grandparents’ age. The Miss USA show, however, has always been like this (what do you expect from Trump?). The questions asked and consequent answers were downright embarrassing. Way to throw some lobs, judges. As for Donny and Marie, some prosecuting attorney or family court needs to investigate them for incest or polygamy because a normal brother/sister relationship does not involve fondling, sexual innuendo jokes, and Marie licking her lips saliciously while looking at Donny. EW EW EW EW EW.
I really get the feeling that we are witnessing the death throes (finally!) of the whole pageant thing. Every year it seems like they get sadder and tackier and more desperate (reality shows! interactivity! skimpier swimsuits!), and every year the ratings get lower and the shows move further down the dial. I’d like to say this is some triumph of feminism, but I suspect it has more to do with the fact that the dimbulb hotties of today have found that it’s a lot easier to get famous by going on The Bachelor and drinking ’til they pass out. You don’t even have to Vaseline your teeth! (Though the next morning you might wish you had.)
Yeah, who wouldn’t want that mikimoto tiarra?
But seriously, I hate pageants. They’re so … ‘I love me, what’s your hobby?’ I especially loathe the kiddy kind. Parents need to let their kids be kids.
I used to love watching pageants when I was younger. Boy, how times have changed. Deuce Bigalow was chosen as a judge of a beauty contest?!? WTF?!? Was Burt Reynolds unavailable?
But, shout out to MISS TEXAS for winning the whole dirty, demeaning thing!
Okay, does anyone remember back in I dunno..1990-1991 when MTV (when it was playing music)broadcasted their annual Spring Break programing? They had this beauty contest and CLEARLY all or most of the contestants were female exotic dancers?
They should have gotten Lorenzo Lamas and his wretched lazer pen. It would have added to the whole cheese/camp/train- wreck factor.
I watched this show, and I kind of enjoy it for what it is. A ridiculous, over-the-top, cheesy, but entertaining show, which is just perfect for a Friday night.
I don’t think anyone out there is under the delusion that this is some sort of serious competition, but beauty pageants, I mean scholarship programs, just don’t mean as much to the general public as they did back in the day. I’m sure they still mean a lot to the contestants.
And, Mandi, to answer your questions, this telecast was particularly tame considering recent shows like Miss Universe featured Miss USA falling right on her a$$ and the Miss Teen USA show had the fabled Ms. South Carolina debacle “everywhere, like, such as” debacle.
In a related story, what the heck am I doing watching all these telecasts?
Ok, so I compete in pageants, and they aren’t all about sex and glamour. It is based upon community service, raising awareness for their platform, scholarships, self esteem, and many other things. It is the people like Miss Utah USA and the former Miss USA Tara Conner that make this image that we cannot get rid of. It sucks, but that is why we are trying to improve our image as “pageant girls.” However, we are human beings, and we do make mistakes. Just like any other human being with responsibilities. So, with that being said, it is not fair to judge the pageant as a whole, it is made up of 51 different, unique, and diverse individuals.
Ariel, I hate to be the b*tch here, but if a pageant is all about your volunteer work or raising awareness for a cause, why do you have to wear a swimsuit? Say what you will, but these pageants are still ‘beauty pageants’ first and foremost. They wouldn’t take an overweight girl, or a plain girl, no matter how much community service she puts in or what her cause is. The day they make you parade around the stage in less revealing clothes and spend more time on questions than on skimpy evening gowns and swimsuits, then we can talk.
Stephanie T, wasn’t that the fabled pageant where the girls modelled dental floss swimsuits w/ knee high boots of stripper heels?!?! That was classic. It disturbs me to think that I was a 11-12 year old girl watching that. Thanks to you, unsupervised cable TV viewing!
Here, here Nose!
I don’t know; I do a fair amount of volunteering, and it’s amazing how many people don’t know how important “poise” is when you’re sorting groceries at the food bank. I mean, some of them even show up without head shots! And don’t even talk to me about the ones who think they’re going to be able to pull weeds in the park all morning without a good pair of sparkly platform heels. Some people just have no idea what the spirit of volunteerism is about.
I watched it, Miss Universe and Miss Teen USA every year. I am a big fan of pageants. Congrats to Crystle, Miss USA 2008!
beauty pageant…not brains..not service. they all say they want world peace because everyone who is watching probably wants to hear the pretty girl say something that seems noble. they aren’t (all)bimbos,they aren’t (all)airheads. they just want to win a contest and they need to win opinions and votes while trying to hide how bitchy and pissed off they are at the moment because they are starving to death. all the old or overlooked or brainy or nerdy or fat or downright ugly women/girls get indignant because these women are being given an award for entirely superficial reasons. but when you strip it down to brass tacks they are just women saying or doing whatever it takes to win…just like hillary clinton.
What do you have to do to be a judge? Joey Fatone? Rob Schneider? Seriously? I remember once Dave Navarro asked the provocative question to one contestant, “Do you prefer a bad boy or a good boy?”
I didnt watch this…what other judges were there? Erik Estrada? Tila Tequila?
I’ve always said that Miss USA is Miss America’s trashy stripper cousin, and Friday night confirmed that theory.
Nose – exactly!
Daisyj – I know! I have my headshots redone before every volunteer project that I do and then I hand them out to the less fortunate along with a can of soup.
I knew girls who went into pageants not because they wanted to do something noble, they thought they were hot and wanted to be affirmed in it.
Sorry, but there it is.
Houstonian,
I’d like to say that it was fabled, but it was not. Those were the days in which Aqua Net metal was dying out and MTV went slowly into playing Britpop and Grundge.
Point being, showing the women wearing supspender bikini’s (the ones that were just simply two spandex straps in a V shape hiding the nipples and absolutely nothing else)while it was cable was far worse than Maxim sponsoring a pageant. However, though when I saw who was sponsoring the show, the MTV thing came to mind. I guess they thought that these types of pagents will have the same male audience that sports programs have. Still, the question is: would a bartender on a saturday night turn the television on a game or a pagent? I say game, especially if Rob Schnider is a judge,
Most of you are sitting around looking in the mirror trying to feel better about yourself so you think writing a sallow synopsis of a 2 hour TV program makes you a better person than “them”. Your pride and arrogance alone disqualifies you! You know nothing those girls do in their everday life or anything about their character. Personally Miss MO dress was very tasteful. I see worse at Senior proms. You were probably one of them. I’m sure you spend every minute of your spare time feeding the homeless and handing out water. It is easy to put on a “holier than thou” hat and its those people who are the REAL threat. I hope you feel better about yourself. Now do something worthwhile with your time–work on your character.
Chill. I feel your disgust but let’s be real here. I personally knew gals who entered pageants and they were high on themselves. First and foremost, they were thinking about numero uno, not about helping some guy living in a shelter. Sure, they’re not all a bunch of airheads, and they probably have good hearts, but a lot of them just enjoy quality time in front of the mirror.
They are bright individuals but Maxim sponsored this for male marketing purposes.
For the record, I think Miss South Carolina was right. Most people don’t use or have maps anymore, they rely on Google, Mapquest or their GPS to lead them to their destination and don’t see beyond where they need to go.
Stephanie, I remember seeing that show ( I think it was called ” Beauty and the Beach ” ). A few years ago I saw on MTV an explanation for it on a MTV special about shows that had gone horribly wrong. The producer who was a newbee at the time had gotten everything right except that he had forgotten about getting college girls for this contest. Since he had no time left before this show was scheduled to air, he started to panic and then a employee of his mentioned they knew where they could get some college-age girls who probably wouldn’t be shy about being on a stage. I believe he thought they said ” college girls “, so he said great, go get them. He didn’t know they were strippers until the show went live. It wasn’t just what they were wearing, it was also how they were acting. He said to this day, he still has nightmares about that show.
Hey Crystle Stewart! Take off your weave, let’s see what you really look like under all that nylon hair! Someone give this girl a double wopper WITH CHEESE!!
Has no one else noticed Mississippi should not have been in the final 5? Here combined scores after the swimsuit and evening gown competition placed her in 6th place while Missouri should have been in 4th going into the final question. I can’t believe no one else has noticed this and complained! I mean how hard is it to add 2 numbers, and pick the highest 5?? Poor Miss Missouri!!
For newshound23. The scenario you described between Donny and Marie never happened. OK, you don’t like them then don’t watch programs they are on. However, they do have family members who should not have to read such disgusting remarks about them. If this is the way your mind works, perhaps you should seek some therapy.