cineparanoia
noun
The overwhelming fear of being judged based on a film selection.
Origin:I was recently tasked with renting a long list of movies so that ourphoto editors could make screen grabs for the latest EW.com gallery: Watching the Unwatchable. I skipped merrily through the video rental store, and happily plunked my movie picks on the counter. The clerk took a long, hard look at me, followed by an even longer look at my film selections. I followed his eyes over the titles:
American History X. Pulp Fiction. Saw (starring Tobin Bell, pictured). The Hitcher. Blade Runner. Reservoir Dogs. The Ring. Requiem for a Dream.
It dawned on me. I was being judged. And, guessing by the look on the young employee’s face, I ranked somewhere between disturbed and psychopathic. He seemed momentarily lost in a reverie, and I knew. I just knew he was picturing me running home and hosting a graphic movie marathon, a weekly event celebrating film in its unrated, grotesque, and downright offensive glory, a night culminating in some sort of sacrifice, ending in a toast with a glass of my own blood.
And if it wasn’t the selections that offended him, it’s quite possiblethat he questioned why anyone would need to rent eight moviessimultaneously. It was as if I had handed him an announcement that Iwas engaged to my DVD player.
Shuffling the movies around with my hands, (as if this would somehowdistract him) I tried to explain myself. "It’s work!" "For my job!""It’s a gallery!" "Screen grabs!" "Really!" "Not my thing!" "Gosh, thisis awkward!" "Sell any Sno-Caps here?!" His eyes narrowed. I guess theother thing that made my movie choices so atrocious is that I barelylook old enough to rent an R-rated film.
So, I have to ask. Have you ever had a case of cineparanoia? Do you experience a heightened sense ofanxiety or depression around theaters and video rental stores? Do youinvent cover stories should your Blockbuster clerk notice you’verented Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights seven times in the past month? "Oh, [chuckle] my mom just lovesthis junk!" Right. Remember, the first step is admitting you have a problem.
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My friends and I love getting together for cheesy, sub-standard horror movies. So,yes, I have gotten looks of disgust…or pity, I guess…for checking out Skulls 1, 2, and 3 at the same time, as well as my personal favorite, When a Stranger Calls (the new one with Camille Belle).
I love cheesy (read bad) movies, I rent them all the time!! However, I do get a little paranoiac when I rent a Steven Seagal movie…which I stopped doing about 2 years ago!!
I used to work in a video store, and I confess I got judgemental when someone rented a XXX movie…and brought it back about 45 minutes later…It was just like “really?! We don’t know what you were doing…”
Slasher flicks. Friday the 13th, Halloween, etc. I like them. And I know people judge. But whatever. I am a happily married father of three great kids.
Don’t judge a renter by their DVD case?
I stay away from many popular blockbuster movies when they hit theaters because they attract too much of the masses! Movie audiences have gotten too rude and inconsiderate for me to deal with anymore, so I keep away from them whenever possible!
Pretty much anytime I’ve bought anything with Hugh Grant in it (or any other fluffy romantic comedy). And seeing as how, off the top of my head, I know I have Notting Hill, Four Weddings, Sense and Sensibility, Bridget Jones’ Diary, Nine Months and About a Boy…that’s quite a lot of cineparanoia.
I used to rent from a tiny little independent store, and I was a regular, so the employees got to know me pretty well. I tend to watch pretty dark/sad films, and once, when I rented Requiem for a Dream, the guy behind the counter said “Do you EVER watch happy movies?”
One word: Netflix.
Your paranoia is totally justified. In High School my friend managed a video rental store, and they absolutely judge you, although their taste is probably more questionable than yours. (As in, they’d sing your praises if you rented Highlander: The Quickening.)
But how about record store clerks? Movie snobs are one thing, but Jack-Black-in-High-Fidelity type judgment is pretty much par for the course when you’re buying music.
Like I wrote earlier, I used to work in a video store and it is true, we used to make fun of clients and judge, but I’m with Dave, record store clerk are worst. Once I bought Crazy Frogs (for my brother I swear!!) and the look I got was very meaningful…
Many of my friends give me props for knowing a decent share of pop culture’s underground subcultures. These same friends have given me some odd looks when I’ve admitted to liking movies like “the Princess Diaries” or “Mean Girls”. So I’m inclined not to talk about movies that I’ve liked if they don’t involve mutants, explosions or the undead.
I rented Saws II and III together last October in preparation for the opening of Saw IV (which I didn’t get to see in theaters anyway). Definitely got an interesting look. What I really get paranoid about is the movies that I rent but don’t get around to watching. Some of them I really do want to see, but I always think that if I rent them again the clerk will think I’m weird.
the time i rented the unrated showgirls and basic instinct at the same time for a paper (i swear!). the looks from the tla clerks were pretty horrifying
I’m a 30 year old, hetero male and I recently got some very judgemental looks from friends when I asked to borrow the first 3 seasons of Gilmore Girls on DVD from one friends wife. But I quit caring about that stuff a few years ago, I like what I like.
I used to be cine-/audioparanoid, but after realizing that you can build any case angainst anything, it just ended. The same Blockbuster/record store guy applauding you today will look down on you tommorrow. Rule of thumb: If you go for a Leonard Cohen/Mandy Moore (or The Usual Suspects/Mean Girls for movies) combo you *will* be remembered, but if you’re this cool, you don’t make excuses.
The day I rented Last Action Hero (on an insisted recommendation from a friend), I was completely afraid of being judged. I never even watch that kind of flick, but then found myself guilty of the same when I judged the clerk in return when he mentioned that it was a pretty good movie – I had already decided that wasn’t even remotely possible.
That would be a NO. But I judge anyone who still goes into a Blockbuster when you have so many other better alternatives.
I used to. Then I learned to embrace solipsism.
All the time. My four years in film school taught me that I love giant, stupid action films. And unfortunately, the easiest video store for me to go to is the “cool indie” one. So, I always feel awkward when I’m renting, say, Die Hard 4.
But then I remember I’d rather be someone who can have fun than someone who is pretentious and judges people based on what movies they like.
Three words: High School Musical. I solved this issue by asking for it for Christmas.
I worked at a Borders and we TOTALLY judged people (even though it was the holidays, so you could really pass anything off as a gift). To this day, there are certain books and movies I won’t buy there because I don’t want my former coworkers laughing at me. Sad but true.
Its the reason I still haven’t bought Desperate Housewives on DVD
Gretchen, he was probably looking at you funny mainly because you’re a woman getting a bunch of “guy” movies. He probably thought you were the coolest girl in the world and was trying to work out a way to ask you for your number. On the topic at hand: that’s why I love Netflix…anonymity. Some of the movies on my queue make ME blush just thinking about it. Shortbus, 9 Songs, The Dreamers, Ichi the Killer, Mad Cowgirl (don’t ask), and several Herschell Gordon Lewis movies…these are movies I wouldn’t really want people knowing that I have an interest in.
I get it all the time but I’m used to it. I like what I like and I’m not going to change that or be ashamed of it. I’m sure I’ll get weird looks when I pick up Atonement and Enchanted tomorrow; If I were paranoid I probably would’ve waited until this week to buy No Country for Old Men and Hitman so that it wouldn’t seem as odd, but I just couldn’t wait!
My DVD collection is arranged in an EXTREMELY specific way, so that by the time people get to “Titanic” and “Mighty Ducks 2″ they will have already passed “Casablanca” and “The Departed” and other things that hopefully prove my movie cred.
And I have a specific strategy for buying embarrassing DVDs. If I’m buying something that I don’t want people to know I’m going to watch, I buy a birthday card as well
One can only imagine the cineparanoia porn-renters experience…
Kevin’s right, the employee totally wanted to do ya on his lunch break.
Netflix is great for avoiding this serious condition. However, during the few times a year I do make it to Blockbuster, I don’t care what the guys who work there think because they’re such lumps. And dealing with Jack Black-type record store employees? Pfff. That’s what iTunes, online stores and podcasts are for.
I have no doubt that any video store clerk will judge you on your movie choices, especially when you rent Brokeback Mountain and PeeWee’s Big Adventure at the same time like I did…
I consider myself to have pretty varied tastes in movies. But people always laugh when they see my dvd collection consists mostly of movies like Eurotrip and Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle. These are the only movies I feel the need to watch over and over again.
I think the best reaction I got was from a friend when I rented the Anne of Green Gables mini series and Die Hard 2 from Blockbuster.
i rented The 25th Hour, which remains one of my favorite movies of all time, at the same time as seeing if the store had a copy of From Justin to Kelly. Of course, that was the one he announced over the loudspeaker for all to hear.
I agree with Cara, but I have a cheaper solution. I ask for gift receipts. Works like a charm.