I know, I know… you don’t need to tell me this has gotten out of hand. I’m the one who spent my afternoon attempting to bleach a doll’s hair in a plastic dish of Clorox (click here if you think I’m making this up), and it would not change color. Also, the fumes gave me a slight headache. But keep in mind, Tyra sometimes has to go to Plan B during the makeover episodes, too. Nothing a pair of scissors and an electric razor couldn’t fix! And with that, we now continue with America’s Next Top Doll with the evaluations already in progress…
Tyra: Audrexinia, here’s your best shot! Now I know this was your first photo shoot since we gave you your fierce new "Mia Farrow" bob, but Mr. Jay said that on set, you were crying about the fact that Ken Paves left you with visible bald patches.
Audrexinia: I didn’t mean to. It’s just that… well, it really hurt where he’d broken the skin.
Tyra: But now the judges can finally see the girl who’s alive and bleeding on the inside.
Twiggy: I do lllloave the way your right arm looks like it’s been violently separated from the shoulder socket and is sort of suspended there in mid-air. Very androgynous.
Nigel: I can’t tell if you’re wearing anything underneath those flowers. Are you wearing anything underneath those flowers?
Tyra: Also, you can’t just rely on an edgy haircut. I handpicked you as a finalist because your puffy face and grotesquely large eyes completely undermine the idea of what’s beautiful right now. But you didn’t embrace the idea of hydrangea in this photo shoot. [Smiles broadly.] Thanks, Audrexinia.
Audrexinia: Thank you.
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I can’t wait for the American Idol and Project Runway dolls! This is fun.
Hahahaha! Thank you so much Slezak. Your eliminations for the past few days are the reasons why I have survived the work week!
SLEZAK! Those bleach pictures are so, so funny. I’m so pumped up for Top Model now! More!
It’s MISS Jay!!!
KEEP THEM COMING!
Ha. When I was a teenager, I tried to bleach the back of my hair with Clorox. It all fell out. I was forever there after referred to as Chloe. True story.
Actually Jennifer, since the faux dialogue is referring to the photo shoot on set, Slezak is correct in writing “MR. Jay”.
I’ll be back later. I’m gonna go try to find my testicles for knowing the show well enough to know that.
On next week’s show: Paisley, the born-again Christian from Georgia breaks down when she discovers she’ll have to be naked for a shoot – covered only by full-body paint.
Come on, Slezak – I know you can do it!
If loving this is wrong, I don’t wanna be right. Slezak, you’re the best. Surprisingly good makeover and photo, too! More! (and thank you)
This is pretty much the best thing ever.
Oh, Slezak, you gave her the Sara haircut from cycle 6 (short sides, long on top). For a second there I thought you had actually given her mini corn rows, which would have been sublimely impressive.
I hope you’re doing the TV Watches this cycle!
I love that this is your job…
I love the new lesbo look girl! Go lick some carpet now
You know you can remove all the hair and re-root it, it will take about 2 hours, but you could give her any hair color you want.
you people are sad.
Ok, why am I starting my day off wondering if Slezak has posted another Top Dolls? I seriously love this.
These are the best.popwatch.posts.ever! I love you Slezak. =)
This is too funny! I look forward to these now like a regular TV Watch. Keep the insanity going, Slezak…
i just don’t see it. she’s not smiling with her eyes. watch me do it… now i’m not smiling with my eyes… and now i am. see? model…. actress… model… actress….
These are pretty much the best posts ever!
I came on here hoping for another Doll posting, and I am not disappointed. I won’t be able to get the judges voices out of my head now for the remainder of the day. Twiggy: Audrexinia’s eyes are ammaaazing, aren’t they? There is something special about this girl. I remember when they cut my hair……
Oh dear. I have to stop.
And, Ceballos: your comment had me laughing so hard, I’ve spent precious minutes wiping split tea from my keyboard.
To Nick’d: AI and Project Runway dolls? Excellent idea:Pitchy and bitchy. Let’s just call this whole thing Dollwatch and be done with it.
Slezak, I thought your previous Top Doll posts were funny. But I almost choked to death trying not to laugh out loud during this one because I didn’t want to explain to my frat brothers what I was reading. Your dedication to the cause of bleaching fake hair was also very inspiring.
We need more doll posts! More! More! More! (Why do I have Hole’s “Doll Parts” playing in my brain suddenly?)
*sound of snorting laughter*
Does anyone else think Audrexinia’s new haircut makes her look a bit like Rik Mayall on “The Young Ones”? http://www.phill.co.uk/comedy/young/young25.jpg
Ah, Slezak, you just made my day again. You should really turn this into a series of YouTube webisodes.
Slezak, you made my day. your version is so much better than the original… you really should turn this into you tube webisodes.
Someone crys, someone throws a tantrum, someone gets the worst weave, someone gets the worst cut. This week was Audrexinia’s turn for all 4.
wonce i went on amricaz next top model and i WONNNNN i luved that and now im rich as anything
wonce i went on amricaz next top model and i WONNNNN i luved that and now im rich as anything