'Gossip Girl': The heat is on!

Gg_lThe temperature outside may be falling, but last night’s sultry episode of Gossip Girl shot the heat in my apartment to a broil. Apparently, it’s 50 degrees warmer in the Upper East Side than the rest of New York. There was lotsa gyrating. Lotsa (talk of) sex. Lotsa blow. Smarmy business investments. It was almost too much to handle.

We’re still talking about high schoolers here, natch. So Dan and Serena, still basking in puppy love, concern themselves with what teenagers naturally fret about the most — when (and where) they’re going to do it. Two things I have to say about that: one, I loved how Serena made absolutely no attempt to pretend that she wasn’t promiscuous — that her lack of chastity wasn’t even in question. Second is that Dan’s earnest self-education in the language of love results in him Googling "sensuous massage." Seriously? I just noticed last night that our cute Williamsburg hipster has no friends, but the thought of him attempting the Kama Sutra’s one-legged-downward-facing-dog position with Serena on their first try when he’s still a virgin is not only painful, but possibly injurious (especially if he fell asleep while studying the how-to’s, tsk). Obviously, Dan’s not going to approach his younger, repeatedly attacked sister for elaborations in sexy time, but the dude really needs a pal. And to stop saying "Sex is an art. You don’t rush art." That alone is enough to turn any girl away.

There were four story-lines roped together, concerning two couplesand two parent-child dilemmas. It was probably the most complicatedepisode yet, and outside of the pilot, GG’s best. Blairchannels her inner Dita von Teese as a burlesque dancer at Chuck’s newpet project. But despite big talk of "I’ve got moves," B’s techniquesstrangely consisted of no more than turning her head over her shoulder,pursing candy-red lips, and occasionally touching her inner thigh.C’mon girl, bring it! I really wanted to see B. lash out all ofher unbridled emotions, because you know that she keeps them maskedbehind her usual Madeline/straitjacket attire. Ostensibly, this is whathappened with Chuck later during the limo ride back home. (You couldalmost see the words "Score!" run across his face as therecently-burned Blair shimmies her way to him.) These two were a matchmade in bad-behavior heaven.

Speaking of our UES hyena, what was up with him last night? DidChuck Bass drink too many Red Bulls, or what? First, he stumblesred-faced into his father’s office with a briefcase in tow, wearing astrange assembly of stripes and polka dots, jeering something about aplace that "makes money by itself." I was shaken by his sudden burst ofenergy. I also didn’t know what was more unfeasible — that investing ina souped-up strip club is a worthy business proposition, or that theactor who plays Mr. Bass is supposed to pass off as Chuck’s father? TheBasses look about as much alike as Rufus looks old enough to havefathered his two progeny. Also? Chuck gets wasted after his servantAlfonso serves him Bellinis with his afternoon sandwiches, which meansthe boy’s a lightweight. (He-he.)

The last thing I’ll touch upon is Nate’s naivety. The wholesituation is pretty hair-raising, pretty yikes-y. His mission to rebel against the hypocrisy of the UES only leads him tochurn things into a bigger mess.  Nate’s brown-nosing father is acurmudgeon, to be sure, but he’s also luckless in life, it seems. Ijust can’t shake the idea of actually turning my dad into the cops —who, by the way, rather unrealistically happen to be just around theblock. So I’m thinking that producers are alluding to deeper secretsbehind the Archibald family. Like, does anyone else get the sense thatNate’s über-WASP-y, ultra-in-denial, Laura Linney-lookalike of a motheris scared witless of Nate’s dad — and is also maybe the victim ofabuse? I feel uncomfortable just watching her on screen.

Okay PopWatchers, what did you think? What’s up with the bevy oflove connections? So far I’ve counted about 10 past or concurrenthookups where the people at least kiss, and this is just from a pool ofabout 15 recurring characters. How are they going to keep the heat up?Do you think it’s too early for Serena and Dan to go all the way? Whywon’t home-girl Vanessa ever just go away? Stop breaking and entering,girl — it’s kind of illegal. Also, anyone else feel like the Archibaldfamily stone is played up a bit much? I don’t care how gorgeous orimposing a ring is — fact of the matter is, it’s still just a rock. Anddoes Blair’s mother really not have enough faith in her to think thatshe could have other potential suitors?

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  • Kirby

    I read the books, but only saw the pilot. So they did add Vanessa to the show? That’s good!

  • BLM

    I loved last night’s episode. Even though he’s an almost-rapist, I’m starting to like Chuck. And Chuck and Blair would make a much better couple than Nate and Blair. Dan and Serena are cute, but I think they should hold off the sex storyline for a while.

  • Elizabeth

    I loved this episode! Blair and Chuck together are much more interesting than Blair with Nate. Like BLM said below, Chuck is growing on me too.

  • GingerCat

    The cops were just around the corner because Nate had made a deal with the doorman to call them in advance. Or at least, that’s how it seemed to me.
    A lot of people seemed to like this episode, but it was just all right for me. It seemed disjointed. Nate’s parents are bad actors (especially the mom), Vanessa is annoying, there’s no way Jenny would have told anyone about Nate’s kiss, in my opinion, and the whole burlesque thing was ridiculous. Plus, isn’t burlesque so . . . 2003 or so? I thought it was funny that they made it seem like a new, up & coming thing.
    Still love the show, though! Hopefully the next ep will be better.

  • Levente

    I didn’t even know there were still mini-TV watches going on! I just found last week’s too because I searched gossip girl on the site. You can promo it on the front page- at least in the morning. I doubt I’m the only one that’s missed it EW. Still love this show, but I almost felt dirty watching how much action all these teenagers were getting…

  • Anonymous

    Blair & Chuck = Hot
    Dan & Serena = Token ‘perfect’ happy couple of the show
    Nate = naive & empty
    Jenny – i’m not quite sure yet, but i’m going to say she’s a bit pathetic/desperate
    Vanessa – F’n ANNOYING…she has no real ‘right’ to think she can come back into Dan’s life and then be all emo-hurt that he moved on, when she is the one who moved on.

  • Rose Tyler

    I like the Vanessa in the books much better. Maybe it’s the actress. Is it too early to recast? Other then that, this show is hot!

    • Amol

      I agree with you Kim – I am not a fan either of the horse picutre. I would definately have to remove that if the room was mine. I think what I am so passionate about in that room is that wallpaper. I have another image of a room wrapped in this wallpaper in the black and white colourway which I also adore.

  • Amy

    I hate TV Vanessa, and I can’t see her being Dan’s one true love like in the books. I wish the writers of the show could have broken the mold a bit and gone for pale, bald, punky, movie-making Vanessa instead.

  • Fatima

    The only enjoyment I got out of this episode was noticing that Dan had been watching I Am Curious Yellow for sex tips.
    Chuck and Blair are the types of characters that you’re supposed to love for being awful people, and when you don’t, you’re greeted to a bunch of people saying, “You don’t get it! You’re not supposed to like them personally!” I get it, they’re just horrible empty shells of cliches with horrible actors. This show can’t keep me much longer. My roommate says Chuck turns gay in the books. That could be interesting.

  • A

    That was THE lamest striptease I have ever seen, and that’s including anything in Showgirls. That was supposed to impress Chuck–a guy who’s banged half of New York???

  • Phil

    Wowzas Fatima, I didn’t read any of the books, but I would def. like to see Chuck become gay, since that would lead to an interesting revolving door of Manhattan’s hot dudes & hopefully not the ‘super homo I live for Prada’ kind that Chuck’s character already exudes! Plus that could lead to some awkwardness with best bud, Nate. Kinda digging Gossip Girl though, so I am hoping that the Writers Strike doesn’t get too much further, so that shows like this don’t get screwed. Also, since I don’t think anyone else pointed this out, the actress playing Vanessa is actually also appearing this season on CSI:Miami as the computer expert after Brendan Fehr’s character got fired! Its kind of ammusing to actually see her as a no nonsense crime officer, and then see her playing this goofy desperate teen striving for Dan’s attention. I guess a paycheck is a paycheck…

  • Kirby

    …wait, they didn’t make Vanessa bald? I feel like me and the other people I know who’ve read the books are the ones who aren’t watching and a lot of the girls I know who watch it have never ever heard of the books. Read them people, they’re totally hilarious… but STOP when the covers start saying “Created by Ceciily Von Zeisgar” instead of “by Cecily Von Ziesgar” bc the ghostwriter sucked ass.

  • SDA333

    Sorry. This may be the greatest show ever but, “No Veronica, No CW”!

  • Mike

    AMEN-SDA333!!

  • Noelle

    LOVE Chuck/Blair. They are equals, instead of Nate/Blair, who seem to have nothing in common at all. Chuck and Blair are hot and hilarious together. Chuck has really grown on me, he doesn’t seem like as much of an ass anymore, just a funny one.

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