Well, Dalton Ross beat me to it in his Glutton column this week, but I would be a bad blogger if I didn’t give a shout-out to the DVD-sniffing dogs the US Government has lent indefinitely to Malaysia. They’re cute, they’re fluffy, they fight crime, they’re being targeted by bounty hunters… I smell a screenplay!
Let’s get this film treatment knocked out by the end of the day, PopWatchers. If they can make Air Bud compelling, this should be a snap. So: Who are Lucky and Flo? Are they purebred? Are they pound puppies? Were they abandoned by their mean redneck owner and rescued off the side of the highway by a kind-hearted ATF agent? What did they like to sniff before they sniffed counterfeit DVDs? Flowers? Drugs? Are they recovering drug dogs? Did Flo secretly want to be a seeing eye dog, but she didn’t want to leave her brother’s side because she has abandonment issues? What kind of bounty hunter goes after dogs, and is there any way to write Boba Fett or Dog the Bounty Hunter into the movie? Etc. You get the idea. Now write, my pretties. Write like the wind!
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Air Bud was compelling? I never knew!
Lucky & Flo are two of New York’s finest police dogs, but they’re bitter rivals. Lucky is a straight-laced, by-the-book, family man and Flo is a high-strung, loose-canon who does whatever it takes to make a “collar.” However, when a Malaysian counterfeit-DVD cartel frames them, they have to team up in order to clear their names.
Traveling to Malaysia, they train their noses under the guidance of a former Lassie* in order to exact their revenge and clear their names.
*With a montage set to Joe Esposito’s “You’re the Best.” You remember, from Karate Kid? During the tournament? “You’re the best, ar-round. Nothing’s gonna ever keep you down.” The world’s most perfect montage song.
I’m thinking more littermates-separated-at-birth; one (Lucky) raised by a loving family and the other (Flo) by a tough taskmaster dedicated to making her the best counterfeit-dvd-detector there ever was. Reunited at the conterfeir-dvd-detecting-dog championships, they tie for the win, only to have to flee for their lives when they are targeted by a team of ruthless but marginally competent bounty hunters. In order to survive they must teach each other the values of family and discipline, and work together to bring down the evil cartel bent on enslaving the world’s children via secret messages encrypted in counterfeit dvds.
Yeah it is, bg 17. The first Air Bud is actually a decent film, but the sequels are nothing more than straight-to-video/DVD dread. Once the dog started playing baseball, it just went from kinda unbelievable to flat out impossible.
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