Last night’s edition of 60 Minutes featured an Anderson Cooper interview with Simon Cowell (click here to see it), during which the American Idol judge argued he’s worth five times more to his label, Sony BMG, than Bruce Springsteen. Which got us thinking what the conversation might sound like if Springsteen called up Cowell to discuss his inflammatory remarks.
Bruce: So I saw you trash-talked me on 60 Minutes last night.
Simon: Well, I didn’t mean to be rude, but…
Bruce: Look, I can take the heat, but this is the second time you’ve pulled this stunt in the last few weeks. I mean, saying Bob Dylan "bores you to tears" and that you wouldn’t want to have him singing on Idol!
Simon: But I wouldn’t! I don’t even think he should be singing on a cruise ship.
Bruce: C’mon, man, Dylan’s the best songwriter in rock. He’s the voice of a generation.
Simon: Well, he sounds like the voice of a tortured cat.
Bruce: Mister, you’re supposed to be the voice of reason on that panel. You can’t be serious, can you?
Simon: Hey, it got me press, didn’t it? Next, I think I’ll slag that wanker Paul McCartney.
Bruce: Well, it’s no skin off my nose, and probably no skin off Bob’s, either. But then you have to go beat up on hapless kids like Sanjaya Malakar.
Simon: Ohhh… so I see Mr. Songwriter of the People has been tuning in to Idol this season!
Bruce: Yeah, whatever. I DVR it, then fast-forward through to Melinda and LaKisha. Wanna make something of it?
Simon:I’m just saying… my reach is undeniable. Honestly, how can youdispute that Sony ought to be paying me five times what they pay you?
Bruce: Because you can’t even sing!
Simon: Yeah, but Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, and Chris Daughtry sure can.
Bruce: Doesn’t From Justin to Kelly cancel that out?
Simon: Clever, coming from the man who used a shot of his derriere to sell copies of Born in the USA.
Bruce: Yeah, well at least people bought it, unlike Cupid and American Inventor. Are your 15 minutes up yet?
Simon: You’re going to act highfalutin’ with me, after launching your career on General Hospital?
Bruce: For the love of all that’s holy, that was RICK FREAKIN’ SPRINGFIELD!
Simon: [Laughing maniacally.] I know, I know. I just wanted to see if I could get a rise, Brucey.
Bruce: That’d be the Boss to you.
Simon: Oh, I forgot you shared a nickname with Diana Ross.
Bruce: I am not trying to hear that from a guy who spends his days comparing musical notes with Paula Abdul.
Simon: Actually, if I’m being honest, "Straight Up" is a fantastic song.
Bruce: Fair enough. I’ve grooved out to that one on a couple of occasions.
Simon: Want to know a secret?
Bruce: Sure.
Simon: "Opposites Attract" is totally on my iPod.
Bruce: Mister, now you’ve gone too far. [Click.]
Simon: Bruce? Are you there? You’re not gonna tell anybody, are you? Bruce?
Well, Dylan does have the voice of a tortured cat…
The best thing Springsteen can do in response is nothing. Then this “news” will just go away and Mr. Cowell will learn that making incendiary comments doesn’t necessarily garner attention. [Right...and then I'll wake up.]
EW-Can you please have more reality show coverage? Your home page has seven articles or previews on reality.
Last week, you asked us to beg and plead for our favorite scripted shows on the verge of cancellation. Just a little coverage for them, would be nice.
I caught part of Simon’s 60 Minutes interview. It was an interesting look into the man.
Martha’s right: Springsteen will take the high road and say nothing on the matter.
I think Simon does have a point. He has helped to sell more records than Springsteen has in the last ten years. Springsteen is often self-indulgent releasing albums that people are not interested in buying. It doesn’t mean he’s not a great artist, just not a consistent seller.
Albums by Clay Aiken, Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood have went multi-platinum. There’s no denying the American Idol factor in music sales, like it or not.
Nicely done, Slezak! The Rick Springfield was golden.
And thanks for giving more exposure to “Straight Up”-Boy. I’m pretty sure you were the reason I found him in the first place (it was someone on EW.com anyway). Such a cutie!–and makes the song shine.
I watched that part of the interview and didn’t hear anything incendiary. Cowell said he sold 5 times more records for Sony BMG. He didn’t say he was worth more to the record company.
I read about this interview and he sounded much more smug reading about it than if you actually watch it. Anderson Cooper straight up asks him about Bruce Springsteen – it wasn’t like Simon said “I’m worth more than Bruce.” His point was that his shows are a catalyst for selling more albums.
Simon’s produced how many hitmakers? I dunno if he’s worth more than five times what a nationally renowned platinum record seller, but he’s helped make someone some $$$.
On the other hand, Springsteen could run and get elected to statewide office in New Jersey,which I doubt Simon would ever be able to do. Antonella Barba maybe, but never Simon.
Lets see Simon rock out in a pouring thunderstorm at Giants Stadium making the stage his personal Slip N’ Slide while singing the bridge of “Let It Rain” during “Meet me at Mary’s Place”
The comparison is ridiculous. Simon Cowell has no talent, except for being able to deliver snarky lines.Springsteen and Dylan represent their generations –the best of the best. Spare us Simon’s ego and self promotion–he is rich, but will be a memory like the Gong show soon.
Dylan and Sprinsteen are legends. How dare Simon Cowell says things like that. American Idol is an entertaining show. The idol singers won’t last more than 5 year anyway.
Cowell is such a snob.
I agree with semi-fictional Simon…I don’t want to hear anything from Bob Dylan. He should just write poetry or something.
The video was interesting. I enjoyed seeing Mario Andredi-hope I spelled his name correctly. I had not heard what Divo sounded like until now. not bad. I enjoy opera too.
I am pretty sure that Bruce has been credited as a producer on most of his cds for quite a few DECADES now. Also, he would get $$ for writing his songs, and their airplay on radio.
I would LOVE to see Bruce kick Simon’s booty. That would be hysterical!
Simon is a bloody wanker! how dare he insult Dylan! Simon is a worthless s—head-motherf—er! he can suck it!
Nico
London,England